Becoming Edward Cullen
by vamped4Edward
Summary: A bashful farmboy w/ dreams of college & marriage faces a new world when both parents die & a strange doctor named Carlisle saves his life. Passion, thirst, rage: a concoction he struggles to maintain while leaving behind his       human life & only love.
1. Edward Masen

US Rating: PG13

Main Characters: Edward, Carlisle, Tanya

POV: Edward Masen/Cullen

**CHAPTER 1: Edward Masen**

I was young, awkward, and had just turned seventeen. I got my quiet nature and tall lanky body from my father, Mr. Edward Masen. We were rural farmers just outside of Chicago. I admired many things about my father but did not aspire to be just like him. He worked his farm with a strong hand, yet still maintained a loving heart. My mother, Elizabeth Masen, was just as reserved. We kept to ourselves mostly on our large piece of farmland in Westchester, Illinois. Chicago, just 10 miles east from us, was on a growth spurt and my parents chose not to be apart of it. So we shopped and I attended school in Bellwood, less than 2 miles away.

**Saturday, September 7, 1918**

I took a deep, long breath before diving head first into the creek. It was colder than I expected and my body naturally reacted. The cold water seemed to take my breath so I pushed back towards the top. The air sliced down my throat as a groan escaped from my lungs. My chest above water again sent my wet body into a shivered. I felt foolish now for diving into the water. I brushed the water drops from my brow. My hand shook like an old man's. It was a semi-warm day, just not warm enough for a swim. Goose bumps appeared across my arms and chest. _I am so utterly pale_, I thought to myself. So wrapped up in the surprise of the cold water, I didn't notice Jenny at first. It was her waving scarf in the wind that caught the corner of my eye. As if I was in a slow motion film, I turned my face towards her. I watched from the water as her scarf bounced from her walk and the bell shaped bottom of her dress swaying with the back and forth movement of her legs. Her arms crisscrossed against her chest and her soft white hands clasping a hard, flat notebook. She carried it with it her everywhere and I wondered what secrets it could tell.

"_Jenny." I _whispered to myself through my shivering lips. Her long brown hair swayed just slightly from the force of her steps. I couldn't help but stare as she passed unknowing of my presence. I watched her walk to school many times with her little sister. She was like a little Mother Hubbard bossing her sister about everything from buttons to wrinkles in her dress. Henry, my best friend, and I followed the girls just a few feet behind every morning. Jenny was the most beautiful creature God has ever created. I loved her blue sparkling eyes and her velvety smooth skin. She always looks so soft I want to just reach out and take her hand. I have never had the courage to do it. I keep my feelings for her a secret, denying it every time Henry accuses me of being in love. I wasn't quiet sure what this was, but I knew I loved every minute of her presence, even now I struggled to control the shivering as she passed.

It was her quick glance in my direction that caused me to dunk back into the cool water. It was like the whole world suddenly slowed. I replayed her head turning in my direction seconds before I went back down. _Had she seen me? What if she comes over here? I don't have a shirt on_. Thoughts raced in my mind. I forced myself to calm down or I would run out of air_. _I visualized Jenny coming over to the pond out of curiosity. I imagined her seeing me just under the water and then her feared expression on her face. She cried out my name as she leaped into the water to save me. Her jumping into the water was without hesitation, not even taking her leather boots off. I imagined her soft arms wrapping around my chest from behind and her breast against my back as she pulled me from the water. I blushed as I saw her wet clothes clinging to her chest and legs. I suddenly felt ashamed thinking of her in that way. My embarrassment brought me back to reality and the ever-present danger of drowning for real. Once again I was scrambling back up for air. This time I expected the sting of the stale air in my lungs. To my luck, she was not standing by the waters edge staring at me confused or fearful. I looked back down the road each way. I felt relief and disappointment by her absence. I could see the movement of my father at a far distance. He was working in the field as expected. Glancing at my father once more I knew it was inevitable. I had to get back to my chores.

"Idiot." I said aloud shaking my head in disgust. Jenny deserved more than some pervert. I pushed the thoughts from my head as I slipped out of the frigged water. I ran home quickly to keep warm but mostly out of habit. The one thing I truly enjoyed was a good, long run, no matter the season.

The weather was changing day by day. The leaves loosing there green color and the grass growing less and less. This would be the last weekend I could brush off my duties until later in the day to enjoy a swim or read a good book. Dad knew I was dependable. I knew exactly what I had to do and when it was expected. In that respect, my life was somewhat dull, predictable. Everyday, before suppertime, my chores would be complete. I would help clean up the dishes and then take a bath. Just once would I like to take my bath and then eat, or do a chore later in the day just for a change. But I never complained knowing good and well things could always be worse.

My friend Henry had it a little harder than me. His father forced him to get up in the wee hours and begin his chores. As a result, he would struggle to keep his head up as he sat at his desk. Quite often I would pass him my notes on our walk home so he could read about the lessons from that day. He didn't seem to have much interest in school really, but I knew if he ever wanted out of this farmland, he'd have to get good grades to graduate. It was only more chores for him at home and his father clearly had no intent on college. His future was predetermined and he would have to fight to leave this place when the day came. I did not have to worry about that. My father told me since I was in diapers that I could do whatever I wanted as long as I remained an honest young man. So I worked hard on the farm and kept good grades. His lenience about my chores only went so far though. I knew what he expected of me and made sure not to cross his line.

Now that I was seventeen, I was thinking more and more about college. I knew my interest and that it would not be cheap. The time was coming so fast, I was not prepared for my future. If I had my first choice, I would attend any law school that would take me. On the other hand, the idea of being a doctor was also very interesting. I didn't think about college much between school and the farm. It was not until last summer when my cousin, Jonathan, and his parents visited that I seriously considered my future. Jon was a sophomore on his summer break from Washington University in St. Louis. He told Henry and I all about college girls, parties, and working a _real_ job in town part time. His family being the rich owners of the button factory in Chicago, he rubbed our farm life in my face. My father said he was less than an honorable man, but I knew he was just different. What he told us about college life sounded unattainable, a fantasy. At the same time, I could not wait. Jon worked as a bus boy in a local restaurant. His tips became his spending money. I was not sure how Henry and I would pay for college, but nothing was going to stop me. All week Henry and I stayed up late listening to Jon's stories about the city and the girls. I couldn't help but picture Jenny next to me, hand in hand, going to class. She was the smartest in class by far, so I knew she would be successful. I wondered to myself if she had even considered college. I was determined to get Henry through this school year with passing grades. If I'm lucky, this time in two years, I will be working on a law degree or maybe even a physician.


	2. Chaos Begins

**CHAPTER 2: Chaos Begins**

**Monday, September 9, 1918**

Morning came too fast, as always. I stretched one last time in my bed. The smell of bacon and eggs lingered from the kitchen below. Still exhausted, I shifted up in my bed allowing my feet to hit the wood floors. The fall air had arrived early this year and took me by surprise. After my cold swim yesterday, I was now completely aware of the change in weather. My head felt a little light and my skin cool to the touch. I grabbed my old white t-shirt bunch up at the foot of the bed and slipped it over my bare chest. I slowly made my way to the front bedroom window. It screeched as I pulled on the wooden frame. Mom had complained about the high-pitched squeal it made just last week. It was the weather causing the wood to shriek. I remembered her asking me to fix it, but I had forgotten all about it until now. The sound of Mom's spoon in the tin pan was all I could hear from downstairs. I enjoyed the quiet, but sometimes wished I had a little brother or sister to annoy me on these cool mornings. I had no one to argue with or wrestle to the floor. Mom had one baby after me, but she died in birth. I wondered if she watched us each day from above. We never spoke of her, for Mom's sake. It was just too hard.

I dressed putting on whatever was closest. I never bothered to match or iron. Mom gave up on trying to dress me years ago. I did manage to brush my hair and teeth, but the rest was pointless, I was a mere farm boy after all. I headed down the wooden stairs making virtually no sound at all. Mom, with her back to me, always sensed when I came down.

"Good morning, sweetheart." She said without turning.

"Good morning, Mom." I said as I slid into my seat.

Like most families, we all seemed to gravitate to the same chairs each time. We had all but labeled them as our own. It always felt odd when company was here and they would mess up the seating pattern. Much like at church on Sunday morning when a visitor had no idea where to sit and just plopped down anywhere. I wanted to say, "_Hey, that's my seat_." But it would only sound absurd. Who claims a seat a church? Or at home for that matter? It's just a chair. I grinned at my meaningless thoughts.

"You feeling ok, Edward?" she asked placing the back of her warm hand against my forehead. I must have looked hideous because I was feeling more and more sick. But I would not miss school, or the chance to see Jenny.

"Yes, Mom." I said with a reassuring grin. I hid the stiffness. Being a farmer's son, being sore was just normal. I'm sure it had something to do with my swim Saturday. Dad's loud footsteps could be heard coming down the hall. He was not as quiet as Mom and I. We teased him saying he was the loudest farmer in two counties. We both turned as if we had no idea who was entering the kitchen. He rubbed his left shoulder as he rotated his arm in its socket.

"Not you too?" Mom cried.

Dad sat across from me with no sense of humor. "You're not planning on going for a swim today are you?" he asked in his rough morning voice.

"No Sir, the waters getting too cold for that. These cool nights have dropped the waters temperature a good ten degrees or more, I'd say." I paused, "Why?" I took a bite of bacon as Dad scooped a large spoon of grits onto his plate. He had skipped shaving, for the fourth day. He now reminded me of Mr. Glover from down the road. He was a rough, grouchy old man with nothing else to do but complain. Dad's eyes raised to mine as he laid his plate back onto the table.

"I need your help in town today. I can meet you at the end of school and we can go from there. Tell Henry his Dad wants him home immediately after school. No horse playing around. Got it?" I nodded. He was definitely in an adverse mood. That meant farm business. Mom hummed as she lifted her plate ignoring my putrid appearance and Dad's chagrined attitude. I watched as Dad stopped her hand from grabbing the spoon for grits. He took her plate, scooping some scrambled eggs and grits for her, then a few pieces of bacon and toast.

"You want some butter too?" he asked kindly. His mood swings were getting worse. Even I did not see that coming. She shook her head with a sweet smile. Dad says a true gentleman is recognized for his small deeds and not so much the big ones. It may not be eloquent, but he was right. I could just see Mom's heart melting behind those green eyes. He leaned over for a kiss. I could only hope for love like that one day, without the mood swings.

"I love you." She whispered with her lips still attached to his.

"Love you too, Lizzy." I envisioned Jenny and I sitting at our own kitchen table. My stomach turned, not from the thought, but from my breakfast. Maybe I was too sick to go to school. I forced my aching bones to push away from the table. I had to get going or I would miss Henry and Jenny.

We grew corn for a living, but still had your standard barn animals. We raised chickens, a few cows, several horses and two pigs. Mom allowed a few stray cats to hang around, but once they had litters in the spring and fall she would shoo them away. I did a few quick chores, feeding the cows and horses, than ran to the end of our dirt path to meet the group.

The day seemed to drag on a little longer than usual. I kept glancing at the clock between taking notes. I noticed Henry daydreaming out the window. The teacher, Mrs. Reinhart, seemed not to notice his lack of interest in school. Either that, or she was hoping it would grow on him soon. Looking back at my math book, I felt slightly dizzy for a moment. I shook it off shifting myself in my seat. My stomach turned and my ribs ached. I arched my back against the wooden chair and lengthened my legs under Glenn's seat. He glanced ever so slightly over his shoulder letting me know I had bumped him. I pulled my long legs back again. I felt so uncomfortable. It was hot in here to me. I kept pulling on my shirt which stuck to my hot skin. I definitely had a fever. I wanted to just go home, but I knew Dad was going to be upset if I was not here after school. He was counting on me. So I tried not to think about my sore and feverish body.

Instead, I tried to be like Henry and daze out the window. A tree blocked most of my view, but what I did see was the tin roof of the general store and the oncoming stratus clouds now looming overhead. This whole day was turning out to be dreary. _Focus_, I thought to myself. It was 2:10. _Twenty minutes left,_ I thought. I forced myself to pay attention, but it was in vein. My eyes too easily wandered over towards Jenny. I was gone then. My thoughts were back to this mornings walk to school and the way she smelled, like lilacs or was it honeysuckles. I didn't realize I was drooling until Mrs. Reinhart was clearing her throat next to me. Her arms folded in disappointment and all eyes upon me. I nervously cleared my throat and apologized embarrassingly pulling myself together. I glanced quickly at Jenny hoping she had not noticed. She was half turned in her seat with a strange, awkward smile. Those beautiful blue eyes looking right at me. I was not sure if she thought I was an idiot or just comical to watch. She turned back towards the front and I let go of the air in my chest. I was awake now for sure and had no problem focusing the remainder of class. The bell rang and I was out the door before anyone could tease me. Henry was right on my heels. For once I was out the door before him.

"Hey, what's the rush, Edward?" he asked poking at my back. No one ever called me Eddie, or Ed. I absolutely despised those nicknames and everyone knew it. Edward was my birth name and what I expected to be called for eternity. I had no idea that was exactly what I had, _forever_. If I had known I was going to stay in my body just as it is now, I would have worked out a lot more. Forget school, I had an eternity to learn everything. I would have spent every minute of my time with my parents, Henry, and Jenny. Nothing else would have mattered. If I only knew.

"Your Dad said to go home _immediately_." but he only laughed. "I'm serious Henry, I have to meet Dad so you're on your own." He'd be like a lost puppy and I knew it. Jenny was coming down the concrete stairs. I straightened myself and cleared my throat once more.

"Jenny?" I all but whispered. I did not speak to her very often. I'm sure she saw me as some leper.

She stopped and looked at me with a concerned expression.

"Edward, you don't look very good. You should go home and go to bed." I felt incompetent as always around Jenny. My verbal skills were kindergarten in her presence so I thought before I spoke each word.

"Um, Henry….he..ah…can you?" I stuttered.

_Unbelievable_, I thought. Henry came to my rescue. "He's meeting his Dad here in a minute. Do you think I can walk with you and read your notes from today?" he asked with such divine confidence I wanted to puke. I swore to myself that I would some day have Henry's confidence to just say what I wanted to say.

She looked at me with those gorgeous, blue eyes. I couldn't hold eye contact without jumping out of my own skin, so I averted my stare to the ground.

"Sure. No problem. I'll see you tomorrow then, Edward." She said, her voice like an angels. I glanced up at her with a quick nod.

I watched as they disappeared, wishing I were with them. I glanced back behind me as the last student closed the door behind them. The school was empty now except for teachers. Dad was obviously running late. I kicked around in the dirt a bit waiting and wondering. Minutes passed and no sign of him. The Matthews General Store located across the street seemed to be busier than usual. I watched men and women come and go. I waited on the school steps for nearly an hour, but no signs of my father. The rain was coming by the feel of the moisture in the air and the rumbling sound in the distance. I decided to waste some time in the general store.

Inside it was beyond busy. People I knew from church, school, and the community all seemed to be here at the same time. As many times as I had been in this store, it never took on the appearance of a circus. Women were buying material and food while the men argued about some flu. But it was not the locals that stood out to me, but two strange men obviously from out of town. They were well dressed. One wore a perfectly fitted gray suit and striped burgundy tie. His mustache was curled like handlebars. The other man wore a black suit and shiny, black, leather shoes. I shook my head, rich visitors probably just passing through. They were talking to Mrs. Matthews at the counter. I pushed my way closer so I could hear the conversation. There voices were strained and Mrs. Matthew's eyes were wide. I worked my way around the tables and people to get closer. Pretending to shop, I eaves dropped like a little old woman. All she could say was, "oh my" and "no".

"They call it Spanish influenza. Thousands dead already. You better get prepared. It could be here anytime." I noticed the Virginia Gazette in his hands. Bold letters reading, "SPANISH INFLUENZA REACHES UNIVERSITY".

"So many people come and go here." Her voice quivered, "Maybe I should close my store for awhile, till it blows over." She faltered.

"If it's here, there's no way of stopping it. The doctor, the town, everyone, is at its mercy. Only a few lucky ones manage to survive. I heard they suffer a few days and then die." The man said before gathering his new purchases. There arrogant mannerism irritated me.

Mrs. Mathews became a statue, frozen in time and place. She watched the men leave without another word. Her husband hustled around behind her helping several customers at the same time. I attended school with her two twin sons, Gilbert and Calvin. They were the rich kids and I was just a farm boy. Rarely was I the subject of their teasing. I paid no attention to them. I think I intimidated them with my size. Both boys stood a short 5'5" or so. I was just over six feet, a goliath in their eyes. Only on the very courageous of days did they mention my name in passing. I was no bully, but they seemed to create their own fear of me.

"Mrs. Matthews." I said several times. I wasn't sure if those strangers were telling the truth, but I was going to find out. Still a little distraught she finally noticed me.

"Yes, Edward. I am so sorry. What can I get you dear?" she asked flustered.

"Those men, do you think they are right?" I inquired.

"Oh, don't you worry yourself. You will be just fine. That Spanish flu bug is a whole 100 miles from here. It will probably just past right by us or fade away before it can even get here." She smiled convincingly, but I was not sure if it was for me or for her. The doubt was written all over her face. Her words now meaningless.

"Edward!" I heard my father shout. He was standing at the entrance of the store waving me out of her mad house. I told him all about the Spanish influenza as we rode to the outer banks of Chicago. It was the only place to get the lumber we needed. Dad still liked to use horse and wagon to get around. It was not that he was against the new automobiles; we just could not afford it. The new Model T was popular, but only a dream for farmers like us. Most people could not afford a vehicle. Traveling long distance was done by train and in the city they had subways and trolley cars. Another reason I looked forward to college and the city life was the modern amenities.

We took the long way around dropping of an envelop at the courthouse in downtown Chicago. I sat in the wagon while he ran it in quickly. I watch all the interesting people walk by. I really felt out of place in the city. People turned their heads as they walked by, like I was on display for them in some museum. So many people dressed in fine clothing, what I considered Sunday's best. Regardless, I found the city fascinating. The noises of the people bustling around like they had no time left to chat. I wondered what they all looked like from above, like little bugs scurrying around. That was exactly why Dad hated the new developments. He thought they were almost next to sinful, but I thought it was revolutionary. The jobs alone were so numerous. Women worked, men worked, and even children. I had grown up on the farm and it was expected that I help, but these children were selling newspapers and scooping coal and getting paid. Down the wide road I could see the theater and skating rink. I'd never been in either, but looked forward to the day that I would. The idea of putting wheels under my shoes and rolling around. _Who thought of that_? I wondered.

Dad hastily came down the courthouse steps. He was on a mission. He plopped back down and turned the wagon around to head to Brussle's Wood Factory, the cheapest place to get supplies. I soaked in all the sights that I could as we strolled right back out of town. It was like another planet, the city from the country. I could not wait to be apart of it.

Apparently Dad needed more wood for his barn project. Last year he decided to add four more stalls, which meant another addition. He wanted a few new mares, but didn't have the space. I think my uncle's visit last summer really sparked this new interest in his project. I don't think Dad minded that his brother was so much wealthier than he was, but hearing all about their farm and animals made him want to finish his own project even more. He was proud to build his own farm with his own hands, but this project meant more wood, nails, and less free time for me. With winter right around the corner, no wonder he was behaving so solemn lately.

Out of the blue Dad finally responded to my earlier question. "Sounds like a rumor to me, son. I wouldn't waste your good, God given time on that nonsense. Everyone's just blowing this thing out of proportion. Anyway, there's nothing we poor farm boys can do about it."

My father is a wise man, but this was no time to be sugar coating. Maybe it was the fever talking, but he started to really pissing me off.

"You can't be serious? That's your answer to imminent death?" I barked loudly. Dad glared at me knowing I was right, but surprised by my lack of respect. I have never raised my voice at him, not in my whole life.

"What do you want me to say?" he shouted back. "Nice knowing you son, see you in Heaven." He sneered.

"Don't tell me not to worry. And don't tell me that everything's going to be fine. It might not be. People _are_ dying." And then it was silent. We rode for a few miles without a single word. At Brussle's, I helped him load the additional wood, nails, and a few odds and ends into the wagon bed. My breathing had become uneven and I struggled to fully help him. In the past, Dad would take the time to head over to the quieter end of the populous Chicago city and get an ice cream cone or soda. It was a treat, but now, with the unwelcoming news from the strangers, the damp mood, and the lingering rainy weather, we headed straight home.

The ride home was quiet at first. The sun had already set and it was fairly dark. The roads were lined with street lamps most of the way, so Dad lit our lanterns dangling on the sides of the wagon. Then it finally began to rain. I pulled my collar up around my neck, shivering from the fever. The cool raindrops hit my face just to run down my neck and into my jacket. My whole body began to shake. We were not far from home, but still Dad stopped the wagon and pulled out a blanket under the seat that he kept there for Mom. He wrapped it around my shoulders and tucked it in around my arms and legs. He knew I was sick the whole time and I could see the forgiveness in his eyes. I replayed my rude behavior earlier and his short temper since morning. We had both behaved badly today and had a lot of forgiveness to give.

He held onto the blanket around my chest, pulling it in closer to me, "Edward, I just want you to know how much I love you and your mother. I'm sorry I've been so moody lately. The truth is, I knew about the flu for awhile now." I looked at him surprised and hurt. "If anything ever happens to me, I want you to promise me that you will take care of your mother. But, I also don't want you to think that you have to work the farm the rest of your life either. I don't want you ever to feel like you're expected to stay. Do you understand what I'm saying?" he let the blanket go and slide down next to me very close. Wrapping one arm around me as we started again, "I really do believe that everything will be fine. I was not lying to you about that."

I was still too cold to respond. I wanted to say, _I love you too Dad. I believe you. I trust you_. But I just couldn't get the words to come out of my freezing lips. My fingers, now wrinked and frosted to the bone violently shook. My body was sending me a clear message, You Are Sick. Go To Bed. I laid my head on Dad's shoulder in complete exhaustion. Though I could not speak my peace, his loving words allowed me to finally give in and rest.

I don't remember going to bed or unloading the supplies. I don't even remember arriving home. Everything just went void after that.


	3. Chicago

**CHAPTER 3: Chicago**

**Friday, September 13, 1918**

The week passed slowly. I had promised Dad I would not tell Mom about the Spanish influenza. Even I agreed that telling her was not in anyone's best interest. I missed school Tuesday and Wednesday and felt completely out of the loop. By Thursday, I was ready to just get out of the house. I still felt weak, but well enough to do my chores and attend school as usual. I was a little slower than my usual self, but I felt confident that I would be back to normal soon.

It was nice to see Henry at the end of my drive that morning. He softly punched my shoulder while greeting me with a smile.

"You still look a little sick, Edward. You sure you should be going to school?" He asked seriously. I had to admit, I was a little impressed by his heartfelt concern, until he saw Jenny that was.

"Maybe Jenny can take care of you." He winked.

"Ah, shut up." I teased back hoping our voices were not echoing.

I shrugged my shoulders. I wasn't really sick; I was just a little weak. I couldn't get past the pasty color of my skin, but otherwise, I thought I was fairly normal.

The word about the influenza had completely spread through town leaving half the seats empty at school. I was surprised Jenny and her sister were even going. The fear of the disease was more than some people could take. They had purchased all they could Monday at Matthew's General store, which I witnessed first hand, and basically locked themselves into their homes. I agreed with Dad, things were getting out of control. Some in town went about their business as usual, but signs were now posted enforcing no traveling. The belief was that the Spanish Influenza was mostly spreading by travelers on trains. Our little town was not taking any chances and closed off streets and enforced a strict ban from leaving the immediate area. Just our few little towns, Bellwood, Westchester, and Willowsprings were we allowed traveling back and forth. It was state ordered.

It was odd to see Mrs. Reinhart standing before the class with a nurse's mask over her face. Dad made up every excuse in the book to keep Mom busy at the house. So far, she had no idea, but that would change Sunday morning when we would have to come into town as a family for church. I feared her response and how it could potentiality change their relationship, at least temporarily. He would not be able to protect her forever.

A knock at the classroom door startled me. I turned in my chair with everyone else to see who was disturbing us from the French Revolution. I enjoyed history, but not so interested in the wars, therefore thankful for the interruption. Mrs. Reinhart made her way to the back of the room and whispered with the principle. I became uneasy when they both gazed at me sympathetically. Mrs. Reinhart nodded as she closed the door. Mr. Geller watch as she walked towards me. I kept my eyes on him through the glass window of the door. Something must have happened.

"Edward, your father is waiting for you in the office." She whispered gently, like speaking to a sick child. Then as quick as the interruption, she went right back to describing the revolution. I glanced at Henry who had no expression at all on his face. Then up towards the front at Jenny, who looked apprehensive. For the first time, she kept her eyes on me like it was the last time she would ever see me. I grabbed my books and quickly slipped to the office. I thought of a thousand reasons why Dad would come to the school.

The office was a small hole in the wall. Two small wood chairs to the left. A very small counter about five feet from the entrance. The rest was just empty space. I was surprised to see so many people crammed into the small room. Next to Dad was our deputy, Mr. Cohen, by his nametag. The school secretary leaned on the counter waiting for the action. The only thing she was missing was the popcorn. My heart began to pound and my palms began to sweat. Dad seemed very anxious about something. Never once has he come to the school on official business like this.

"Edward. I have to go into the city today. Somehow…" He looked at the officer, "I know I paid the tax and of all times to be worrying about such a thing." He growled. The deputy became defensive.

"Sir. I told you, I received the telegram to collect the past due debt. It's not like I am going to arrest you, just pay the bill and straighten it out later." He said sternly. "And don't forget, if you do leave town, you don't come back until this Spanish influenza has past. Who knows how long that could be?"

Without warning, Dad grabbed my arm just above the elbow and pulled me out of the stuffy office. He led me down the long hallway to the front doors of the school. All the while, I was begging him to tell me what was going on.

Outside, Dad paced as he explained his plan to go back to city hall in Chicago and find his payment. It was like he was trying to convince his self that that was the right thing to do. I was with the deputy, just pay it again, but Dad would never do that. Things were getting tight, I had noticed. And then he bought those supplies for the barn. In knew he didn't have the money to pay again. He was also very stubborn and never missed a bill in his whole life. So from his rambling I gathered that he would sneak back somehow and be back in a few days at the longest. After our whispered conversation about his plans to go in and out of Chicago undetected, he took off on horseback. I worried about his plan, but I knew it wasn't my place to argue. They did have additional men guarding the roads on horseback. What I worried about was the guns they held, but I pushed the worries out of my head.

The voice of Mr. Geller came from behind me, "Go home son. Take care of your mother and your father's land. That is what's important now."

And so I did. I ran out of town towards home like my life depended on it. I did not look back at the school or the town. I did not realize that it was the last time I would set foot in that school, or the last time I would see Mr. Geller. I would have looked back had I known. I would have said goodbye.

I did not realize I would never sit next to my friend Henry or admire Jenny from the last row. I would never follow behind her on the way to school. Never see her sweet smile or smell her soft skin that I longed to touch. I would never have my first human kiss. I ran home as fast as I could not knowing these were my final days, this towns final days.

I loved to run, I always have. I ran fast and hard with the wind pushing against me. When I reached the front porch steps of my home I collapsed. As I sat alone with my face in my hands, the tears flowed. The responsibility was great, but it was not what I feared. Would I ever see my father again? Could I protect my mother like he did so well? I was not a man, _yet_. I was still so young and selfish really.

I felt Mom's warm hands on my back. She hummed, sitting next to me on the steps as her fingers swirled gently in a circular motion on my back.

"You're father is very wise, you know that, Edward. He will find a way back safely and no one will ever know." She was so confident I realized things were backwards. I had promised my father that I would take care of her, but she was taking care of me. _I had promised_, I thought to myself. With a nod, I stood and brushed the wet tears from my face. I cleared my hardening throat and headed to the barn. There was work to do.

I worked hard that day in the field, what was left of it. I knew exactly what to do and where Dad had left off. It took me longer, but I didn't give up. I thought about Mom inside cooking supper. It was easy for me to just let my mind wonder while I worked. I imagined that I was working my own farm now and it was Jenny inside making me supper. I pictured the curves of her face and the red, soft lips making a smile. Daydreaming was going to get me through this, so I took each step with a new memory of Jenny. Never in a million years would I ever forget her. Nothing could stop me. And when this was all over I would tell her how I feel. I would admit what I have denied for so long, that I love her. I love her more than anything in the whole world and I wanted her to be my wife. I would hold her hand and pull her beautiful body in close to mine. I imagined my lips against hers and the heat of our bodies molding us together into one. It was the chain breaking on the side of the mule that brought me back to reality. I groaned in disbelief. This was going to delay me even more.

When everything was done for the day, I took my bath and sat at the kitchen table. We usually ate at seven o'clock, but tonight, it was almost nine. Mom prayed grace and for Dad too. We ate in silence. I was too tired to hold a conversation and Mom was just too heartbroken. She knew the truth now; the influenza and that Dad and I had kept it a secret. What could either of us really say? The words of the minister month's back came to mind, "Yea, though I walk through the valley of death, I shall fear no evil." But we all feared it. It was our human nature to. I didn't want to go through this valley, not now, not without my father near.

My bed never felt so good. I pulled my thin, cotton t-shirt off and threw it to the foot of my bed as I did every night. Pulling the covers up over my body, I realized that I must have lost a few pounds. I rubbed my fingers over my chest, feeling each rib. I took a depth breath and said a silent prayer. It was so quiet in the house. The only sound was the coyotes howling in the distance. I hated them ever since I was little. Even now, their howling made me uneasy.


	4. Influenza

**CHAPTER 4: Influenza**

**Sunday, September 15, 1918**

Mom and I went to church as usual, but hardly anyone attended. Postings announced that the influenza was no more than 10 miles away. What was most fearful was the announcement that it had hit Chicago. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder as we walked into the church. She cried throughout the serve. I could see that she was trying not to, but the worry and stress of the situation was too much for her to bear any longer.

Hundreds of thousands had already died and many more expected. They closed the school and most businesses. Food was becoming scarce and anyone out and about was asked to wear a mask and then to go home. Pastor Williams refused to close the church doors telling us we were welcome anytime. I thought maybe he would have a shorter sermon, but he was more alive this morning than I had ever seen him before. He preached fire and brimstone right along with salvation. Appropriate considering. I said my prayers at the alter, with my mother kneeling beside me. I was ready if it was God's time to take me.

Leaving the church, the town reminded me of a war zone, something right out of my textbook. I would have never guessed in my lifetime to see this. I suddenly thought about college and all my plans. How would this change things for me?

Back at the house, it was just too quiet. I couldn't stop thinking about all the "what if's" because of the influenza or where dad was at in this very moment. I was not giving up on him, but I was becoming more and more worried about my family's future. My stomach was in knots and I couldn't eat a thing. Mom was cooking up everything in the house to keep herself busy. I couldn't just sit around and I wasn't allowed to do any farming, so I decided to take a walk, which turned into a run.

I stopped at the pond, staring at my reflection in the water. It was my favorite place close to home. I thought back to the other week when I dove into the cold water. I had wasted so much time. I suddenly felt like my whole life had flashed before me and I saw nothing. Nothing important had ever happened. I had wasted precious time with Jenny being afraid of my own shadow. Henry was right, I should have just told her. If she had walked by in that moment I would have just shouted it out. The idea made my heart jump and again I felt nauseas. My heart was racing now and I could feel the throbbing in my head. I wasn't sure, but I think I was having an anxiety attack. I felt like the whole world was crumbling in on me. I was getting dizzy and my breathing uneasy. I just wanted to feel good again.

So I kept running, but in the opposite direction of Bellwood. I didn't want to see town again and all its depression that it held. I wanted to tear down the pink and yellow signs with their deadly warnings. So many little towns speckled the countryside. I avoided them all by running through the woods that separated them. Finally, when I felt I had outrun whatever was ailing me, I sat down. Ironically, it happened to be a hill facing Jenny's home. I watched the sun set over her father's land and home. I could hear their cattle scuffling nearby. It was a perfect fall day, still slightly warm, but with a refreshing breeze. I sat in the tall grass alone enjoying the peace and quiet of the moment. Just for a little while everything was back to normal and there was no such thing as the Spanish influenza. I was just out for a run. But reality lurked in the bushes with the snarl of a cat. It stepped slowly from the bush. It's eyes beaming and foaming from the mouth. I leaped to my feet, backing away, but suddenly it was gone. I spun around in all directions, but no cat to be found. _I know I saw it, had I imagined that?_ I asked myself. I sat back down keeping a close eye on my surroundings.

When things were, _normal,_ I would usually get away to read, but now I just wanted to clear my mind. I had too many thoughts scrambling around in my head. When I came back to the house I notice the barn door open. Initially, I thought nothing of it. I jogged over and started to close the doors. I stopped mid way hearing a groan from inside. After the cat incident, I wasn't too sure of my hearing or myself. Peeking in I didn't really expect to see anything. I assumed it was one of the animals or my imagination, but again, I heard the strange sound from the back of the barn. Because the sun was almost completely set, inside it was fairly dark. Shadows cast against the wall made it feel ere. I took each step slowly and quietly. The nearest object I could find was a loose piece of lumber. I grabbed it as I passed and kept my eyes on the back, dark corner. It was the last stall. I almost felt relief when I saw the back end of one of our horse, but it was a flash of my father's boot that sent me into a frenzy. I threw the wood piece down and raced to his side. He was lying across the horse sideways on his stomach. His feet and legs dangling to one side and his arms on the other. I pulled him off the horses back and dragged his limp body out into the open. Now on his back on the straw and dirt covered barn floor I could see the dry vomit and blood down his shirt. He was so pale and his skin hot to the touch. Without even considering my own health or Mom's, I forced my own exhausted body to carry him over my shoulder and into the house. I shouted for Mom all the way to the front door. By the time I had him there, she flung the door open wide calling Dad's name.

"Stay back." I commanded, but it was no use. She did not care about herself anymore than I did for my own life.

"I need a clean towel." I said as she raced into the bathroom already thinking the same thing. He was coming in and out of consciousness. His words were confusing. He was talking about a dog one moment and then a tornado the next. Meanwhile, he coughed none stop.

We both worked feverishly to clean him up. The blood distracted mom, and I discovered it was from a nosebleed. Hard blood crusted around his nostrals and a little on his neck. He looked deathly and I knew he needed to go to the doctor.

"I have to get the doctor." I told her. Mom only nodded in agreement as the tears flowed down her cheek. He had all but promised that everything would be fine. I almost, for a brief second, felt angry at him for coming home like this. But it passed quickly as I fought to keep my own tears from flowing.

I left Dad laying in his bed and Mom sitting on the edge of the bed wiping his head with a cold washcloth. I had no idea my run into town for the doctor would be in vein. In town, the makeshift doctor's office was now in the town hall. They needed the extra space for all the sick. I pounded on the door shouting for help. It was so dark and dreary, the only lights visible came from inside. They kept the door locked to maintain control, but finally a thin doctor I had never seen before answered the door.

"I'm sorry son. We are full and cannot take anymore. Come back in the morning." He said quietly.

"It's my father, he is very ill." I begged. The doctor himself looked unusually pale, I wondered if he was sick himself. He looked healthy otherwise, except for his strange golden eyes.

"I'm sorry, but I cannot help him. Tomorrow more help will be here, come back then." He said sympathetically before closing the door.

I pushed against the door leaning in with my right shoulder. Screaming and banging did not seem to help. I waited for several minutes but the doctor never came back to the door. I paced around the building a few times trying to see in or find a way in. It was no use.

"At least tell me what to do to save him?" I shouted standing back at the front door again.

I waited. Then the door slowly opened.

"Keep his temperature down the best way you know how. Ice, cold cloth, whatever you can get your hands on. But keep him covered. Painkillers and Tylenol will help, but double the dose. Bring him in first thing in the morning. Three more doctors will arrive early. It's your best chance. I'm sorry I cannot do more for you." I thought he was done and turned to leave. "Do the same for yourself when the symptoms begin."

"I'm not sick." I said quickly, but the door was already closed. I ran home thinking of nothing but Dad. We followed the doctor's instruction and stayed by his side all night long.

**Monday, September 16, 1918**

I'm not sure when I wandered into the living room, but I awoke feeling like I had fallen from a tall city building. I was unable to move at first. It was like my bones were locked in place. I was burning up and leaned over the edge of the couch in time to vomit on the wood floor. Just like Dad, I noticed the blood on my shirt and Mom's couch.

I did have some memories of last night, such as, the smell of all the food in the kitchen and the odor of Dad's clothes. I remembered the fire going strong in the fireplace and Dad coming to for a while. Mom held him so close I worried about her catching the disease. I was certain now that we all had it and it was only a matter of time.

Dad said Chicago was all but shut down. He had to track down the city hall clerk and beg her to go back and find his papers. She went reluctantly, but they found his lost payment in a stack of papers. He seemed so pleased to have it taken care of, but I could only think of the cost. His life, Mom's and mine. Some people did survive, so I did have hope.

I remembered Dad closing his eyes as he spoke and then rambling about nonsense. He would sleep awhile and then back to his self again. Each time he would go right back to describing the city, but we could both see his health deteriorating before our eyes. He was struggling to think clearly and his speech became more and more slurred. I would glance at Mom from time to time, but she was clearly delusional. She was ignoring the evident signs of his illness. I could not pretend that everything was all right, but I also did not want to upset her. Obviously, that was her coping skill, so I let things be.

"They have warning signs up too." I heard him say for the second time as his voice broke my thoughts. I smiled and nodded, then glanced back at Mom. She slid her hands together nervously, the first signs that she too was concerned. _Thank goodness_, I thought feeling a little relieved that I was not alone in my concerns.

I remembered saying that I was tired, but that was my last memory.

It was Mom's piercing cry from down the hall that forced my body into action. I didn't think about what muscles flinched at my movement or the sharp pains shooting down my arms and legs. I just rushed down the long hall to their bedroom door.

"No!" she screamed out. I grabbed her pulling her off of Dad. He was gone. His body no longer hot to the touch, but cold and hard. I held her tightly as she wept. I wanted to just hold my mother and comfort her, but the dizziness was too much for me. I pulled away grasping for the walls just as I vomited again. They had been right about the influenza from the start. They were right about travelers and the city. I was angry now, seething inside. I had sat back and allowed my father to leave us, to die. I was irresponsible. I should have told him not to go, made him stay. I trusted him to make the right decisions. He didn't take the warnings seriously and now he paid the ultimate price, death. We were alone. Without him, we were nothing. And then I was heartbroken again as the tears came flooding. I was out of control, sliding to the floor. Mom was by my side, looking frail and lost. We cried for what seemed like hours, but I knew it was only minutes. My life would never be the same.


	5. Staying Alive

**Chapter 5: Staying Alive**

I was not sure about the day or time because I continually drifted in and out of consciousness just like my father had. My thoughts were unorganized. I did not realizing I was talking aloud my crazy dreams, which included Jenny and Henry.

I was dreaming that I was at school and I waved at Jenny in the front row. She was turned in my direction with a beautiful smile on her face. The dream was in slow motion, which felt really odd. My lightheadedness did not help. Then everyone in class turned, but they were not human, but werewolves. They were hairy and snarling at me. Jenny seemed unaware, not seeing what I did. I was alarmed, but unable to get out of my seat. I tried twisting and turning, but to no avail, I was trapped in my seat. I looked to Henry for help, but he just laughed at me uncontrollably. Then I awoke again, logging my fourth or fifth crazy dream for the day, night, or whatever. I was so exhausted. The house was quiet too. I wondered where mom was, but I just coughed and coughed. Occasionally my nose would bleed, so my fingers and hands were covered in bright red blood. My head lay against the hard wood floors, which felt so cold against my feverish body. I was so miserable; I didn't care about trying to move just yet. Again, I drifted asleep.

I dreamed that we buried father right behind the barn. I wondered why we were not at a graveyard, so I tugged at Mom's sleeve. She hushed me, never taking her eyes off the casket. There were several people from church there. No one was crying, and then suddenly I noticed Dad in the crowd. I didn't understand, but I didn't realize I was dreaming either. He just smiled at me and waved, mush like Jenny did in the classroom. I walked over to him, weaving through the small crowd. He was so happy. His eyes twinkling, like he was holding back a laugh. Looking back around the crowd I realized everyone seemed to be in great spirits considering the event. I looked back at the casket wondering who was in it. Stepping closer and closer, no one seemed to mind my movement. Pastor Williams just kept on talking. He stood at the head of the casket, his arms holding a large leather Bible. He too was way too cheery for a funeral. If it weren't for the casket, I'd say I was at a graduation, a party, but anything but this. I lifted the lid slowly, bending down to peek inside. It was too dark to tell, but I did see the long brown hair, so I knew it was a girl. Lifting the lid a little more, the sun shown in and I saw my Jenny. She was pale in color and her lips now blue instead of luscious red. The lid slammed as my arms fell limp to my sides. My head shook in disbelief. _She can't be dead_, I thought.

My eyes opened as the tears once more began to flow. Even sick and dying, I could not stop that. I knew it was just a dream, or was it? I didn't know anymore. I thought about Dad and how he must have suffered in his last day or two. The influenza had hit him hard and fast. I was surprised, but I did remember the two men in suits in Matthew's General store days again, or was it weeks? They had said it only took a few days for most people. I wondered how Dad had got the disease. Was it the woman who helped him? Knowing Dad, he would have helped a sick stranger on the side of the road. He could have even spread the disease to the Chicago clerk. I would never know how my family contracted this deadly disease or how are lives all ended.

I would get angry with Dad off and on, but it always followed in heart broke. I would cry and want to scream at the top of my lungs. Lying, wherever I was, I tried to shift a little and get my body moving. I glanced around to see where I was exactly. I needed to find Mom. I was just off the living, mostly in the hallway. I could see the front door down at my feet just a little ways and the living room to my right.

My hands were shaky and arms too weak to pull myself up. I managed to roll over on my side and then stomach. The rolling made me nauseas, especially when my stomach hit the floor. I had nothing left to vomit, but wish I did to make the uncomfortable feeling go away. The feeling of needing to vomit grew worse. I dry heaved and coughed altogether. It was either morning or evening because the sun was only partly up the wall and not very bright.

Unable to get off the floor, I sat thinking about my life now without Dad. I envisioned Mom and I working the farm together. I had no idea how I would attend and graduate school, let alone go to college. I thought about Henry and his lack of determination. He would probably drop out of school knowing him, and Jenny, sweet Jenny. She was so very smart. She would go off to college and get a great education. She would meet a man and marry. I would be left behind to toil the land alone, without her. This would be my life now. I would give anything to go back in time. I thought about my last dive in the pond, as cold as it was. I would give anything to go back to that day and start all over.

My emotions took an angry turn. It didn't matter; she deserved someone better than me, someone smart enough not to get himself and his family sick and dead. I was stupid and selfish. I was too quiet and it became the death of me. I had never had the chance to truly love someone, or even get my first kiss. I was loosing hope. One minute I thought I would live and the next I was dying. The roller coaster of emotions kept my time busy. It was evening, I finally confirmed. The darkness reminded me of death. _Would they find my dead body here in the morning? Who would find me anyway? No one was left_, I thought. I groaned no longer able to shed another tear. Mom, I had to find Mom.

I awoke to the darkness. I thought I might have heard something, but I wasn't sure. Mom? Where is she? I was on my stomach and started to pull myself down the hall. My soft cotton shirt made it easier against the wood floor. I had made it halfway down the hall when a small splinter pierced my skin. I didn't even notice at first with all the other pain throughout my body. I was almost at Mom's bedroom door. I stopped, thinking about the fact that it was only Mom's room now. I had no time to waste, I kept moving forward till I reached the door.

I saw the outline of Dad on the bed, but Mom was nowhere in sight. This was taking too long, so I tried once more to get myself up. If I could get at least on my hands and knees that would help. Just getting my body moving seemed to get the blood flowing. My arms continued to tingle and I gasped for fresh air, but the putrid smell of death permeated the air. My eyes winced with each breath because it felt sorrow knowing it was my father.

I made better time on my knees, so I ignored the grinding in my body and the pins and needles that seemed to pierce my soft skin. I focused on Mom, _Must find Mom_, I thought over and over.

Slowly, I crawled around to the other side of the bed, but she was not in here. I was getting frustrated, so I called out her name. My voice was faint, but she would hear in the quietness of the house. Nothing. I crawled once more out the bedroom glancing one more time at Dad. His skin color was blotched black and blue and his face, looking so sad. I did not want to look like that when I was found dead. I could only hope someone would find us before we were all beyond recognition.

Continuing down the hall, I thought maybe she would have went into the bathroom. Just as I approached, I noticed the hem of her dress and her bare, dirty feet. She laid on her side curled in the fetal position. I pushed myself just a few more feet, grinding my teeth together. I couldn't loose her too. I sighed in relief when I saw her chest rise and fall. _She's alive_, I whispered, but barely.

**Tuesday, September 17, 1918**

The night went on forever. I curled up next to Mom as close as I could. This may be the end and I wanted her near me. I almost felt like a young boy again and just wanted her to hold me and tell me everything was going to be all right. But she just lay there, asleep. At least she was not suffering in that way. I wished that I could just fall asleep as well, but I constantly awoke time after time. The dreams turned into nightmares as my fever spiked. In my nightmares I was running for my life. Sometimes it was animals, other times fictional creatures like werewolves and vampires. I could not escape them in time, awaking to my own screams. If I could just stop shaking from the fever, I knew I would feel better.

When I finally awoke to sunlight, it was almost a relief. I had survived another terrifying night. Mom was still next to me but had shifted somewhat. The area was tight, but her arm was tangled with mine, as if she had took hold of me in the middle of the night. I could only hope that she too did not suffer the same frightening dreams I had. We lay facing one another. She looked much like I felt, deathly. We smelled like it too. I had no idea what day it was, and unable to move at all, I watched the shadow of the sun start at the ceiling and slowly make its way down the wall. The stench of vomit in the air was sickening. I tried to pray, but I just couldn't concentrate long enough. Every little move, touch, or thought was too painful to endeavor. So I lay quietly, so very still, hoping someone would come and save us.

That afternoon, a new courage of strength came as a rainstorm passed over us. The fresh air blew through the house. The air felt so nice against my skin. I noticed Mom's hair was tangled and unkempt. Her breathing was shallow, skin pale and sweating. A few strands of hair clung to her neck. I reach over to push them back when her eyes opened slowly. At first it was just a slit, then slowly, as if it was painful to do so, she opened them and looked directly at me.

"Mom." I whispered in disbelief.

"Edward." She whispered back.

We just lay next to one another on the bathroom floor for several minutes, our glazed eyes staring at one another. It was as if I was rejuvenating my body for some manual task that would take each and every muscle. I had to keep a positive attitude, if only for my own sanity. Now was the time to do something. I would only be weaker later.

"Mom." I whispered again. Her eyes beginning to close, but she opened them wider. I noticed the blue in her lips. Yes, this was it, now or never.

"I'm going to get help." I coughed. The air hitting my dry lungs created a burn and itch in my throat. I could hear my heart beating in my ears because of the pressure against my skull. My sensitive ribs were now sore. Regardless, I looked again at Mom. Her condition was extreme, she was dying. I could not deny that any longer, and I would take care of her like I had promised Dad. I would not let him down. She could not suffer another day.


	6. Resolution

**Chapter 6: Resolution**

I pulled myself up with inhuman strengthen. I still ached, but I was on a mission now. I had to save my mother. Up now on my knees, I reached to her face and felt her hot cheek. She was wet with sweat and incoherent. _It's time to be a superhero_, I told myself.

I inched my way down the hall and into the kitchen, still using my hands and knees. I decided it was time to try to walk again. I grabbed two of the wooden kitchen chairs to brace myself as I slowly rose to my feet. I stumbled to the kitchen sink, sticking my face under the brass facet. The cold water gushed out. I took small gulps knowing I would only make myself sicker. The water on my face was freezing and I pulled away, thankful that I had made it this far. The journey from the sink to the front door took several minutes, but I refused to fail. I clung to the wooden walls and counter tops. I distracted myself by thinking of the famous superhero Scarlet Pimpernel. That legendary daredevil would not have given up, nor would I.

I had to get us in town immediately. I would never get us both to the horse, so my plan was to get one horse to the front door and then get Mom to the front door. I had no idea how I was going to accomplish this task, but I had to try. There was nothing left here at our little farmhouse but death.

My head felt like it was in a vise, slowly tightening with every inch I move forward. Even the bones in my hands felt like the blood had been drained. They were so numb from lying around for several days. I groaned and I cried, but I did not stop. I made it to the front and opened it quickly, just to fall to the front porch. I cried out in excruciating pain. I had broken my left arm from the fall. Leaning against the side of the house, I rested. Taking deep breathes; I worked on calming myself so that I could go farther. I knew it was going to be hard, especially with a broken arm, but it was better than death.

While I rested, I thought about Dad in the bedroom. I realized that was not a good idea if I was going to keep this positive mindset, so I shifted to Jenny and Henry instead. I wondered where they were now and how they were doing. No one had stopped by, that I was aware. Jenny was smart; she would keep herself and her sister safe. Henry was too stubborn for that. I listened for any sound, but the house was still quiet. Sitting on the porch, I admired our front yard and the path down the hill to the road. It was so beautiful out today. I took a deep a breath, it felt good. The sun was high, so I sat under the cover of the overhang. The birds chirped like any other day and the sound of the leaves rustling in the wind. The world was truly beautiful. It was sad to think that I roamed around it each and every day for the last seventeen years and never appreciated it like I did now. Death was eye opening. Now I just wanted to live. I wanted to see Henry and Jenny coming up my drive. I imagined them with their smiles and books in hand. Their voices calling my name. I closed my eyes smiling at the sweet thoughts. Opening my eyes again I only saw the loneliness around me. They were not here and I cried as my heart literally ached. My father would never step foot on this porch again or breath in this fresh air. He would never say, "I love you son." Or smile at me with his warm tender grin. I was doing it again. I shook it off quickly knowing time was wasting. I had no time to wallow.

It took some time to get back on my feet, but I managed. I had no idea if my Mom was still alive. I couldn't turn back now. It had taken too long to get this far. I could not stop the groans that escaped me with each step forward. I vomited the water out a few times along the way, but I made it to the barn.

I leaned against the barn door, refusing to sit back down. It was just too much work to get back on my feet. I glanced back down the drive to see if there was anyone on the dirt road. We lived so far out of town, few people passed. It was just us farmers out here. The thought conjured up some emotions that I did not expect. "Farmers". I had referred to myself as a farmer. For so long I had longed not to be a farmer, but now I was proud. My father's death and the idea of me taking his land as my own seemed sentimental. If I survived this, I would farm his land proudly and sacrifice my dreams of college for as long as necessary. I would do that for him. He loved his land and worked hard for it. Dad's father had died so early; he raised himself. My grandfather was a picture to me. Stories at bedtime and by the fireplace on family night. I knew everything about him, but never met him. Dad said he died of cancer in his thirties, but was a good, God-fearing man who wanted to be a farmer himself. Dad followed in his footsteps and loved every minute of it.

The barn door was partly open, making it easier for me to get in. It had been several hours since I left the bathroom. Between the vomiting, the broken arm, and breaks, I was feeling successful. Inside the barn I continued to follow the rough wooden walls. The animals squealed and groaned as I screamed in agony. The horses were on the left, so I had to prop myself up against the wall with my left side. I tried to slide, but my broken arm dragged against the wall collecting more and more splinters. The animals had not been fed in two days or the barn cleaned. The smell was a mixture of wood, manure, and animals. The only reason it stood out was because it made me sick. By some miracle, I stumbled into the first stall. My arm was scratched till the blood trickled down my arm and from my fingertips. A large gash on my right knee did not help either. I didn't even remember how I got that. I'm sure I had left a blood trail.

_Great_, I thought. _If I fail the animals will find me even easier. Coyotes or mountain lions will consume me_.

It was pep talk time. _I must be a hero now. I have to save…well, I just want to save my mother_, I told myself. I didn't care if I died now. I just wanted her to live. I placed my right hand on the rump of the horse and glided it over the coarse hair until I reached the mane. He snorted and flailed his head. I must have stunk horribly. I reached for the saddle hanging on the wall beside me. It was difficult to manage standing while twisting my body to get the reigns and saddle from my left to my right where the horse stood, especially with my broken arm. I was nothing near graceful. I stumbled around, thankful for the horse on one side and the wall on the other. I did manage to twist my ankle slightly, but nothing I couldn't handle. I did bit my lip to hold the gasp my body wanted to make. I didn't want to startle the horse. I tasted a little blood from the bite while licking my dry lips. Once again, I could not go any farther without rest. I leaned against the barn wall and slide to the floor right next to the horse. I knew it was unsafe, being so close to his legs, but I just couldn't move another inch.

Again I was dozing in and out, but this time dreaming of college. I was on campus far away. Henry was with me, but no Jenny. I was popular and the top of my class. I had plenty of girls to choose from. I walked to class in ecstasy. My dream went on for a while. I was a doctor and married, living in a large home in the city. I was happy and successful. I awoke to darkness. I noticed just a hint of light through the cracks of the barn, so I knew the sun was almost completely set. I had to get moving.

I prayed for God to help me. I lifted my aching body back to my feet and pulled my body against the horses.

"Okay Ransom, get me back home." I patted his throat praying again that he could only understand me. The horse, reminding me of a dog sitting, plopped down on its hind end first and then front legs too. I stood amazed. I had never seen it in all my life. I straddled him over the seat hoping it would not slide off. Outside, I would attempt to buckle it one handed. I chuckled at the thought and immediately felt guilty. Ransom slowly rose off the barn floor so gently I was impressed even more. God, or my Dad, was listening and that was exactly what I needed to complete my heroic task. Now, more than ever, I knew everything was going to be fine.

"Good boy." I encouraged. I looked to the empty barn ceiling gesturing towards heaven, "Thank you." Smiling to whoever had helped.

Amazingly, Ransom trotted to the front of the house and stopped. I could not have planned it better. I felt like I was either dreaming this whole thing or I was experiencing my first earthly miracle. I felt alive and strong. I had a renewed hope. Now I just needed to get my mother here somehow. For the first time I didn't even worry about it. If Ransom could deliver me to the front porch, then I had nothing else to worry about. I thought about Dad standing next to God, looking down at me, and my ridiculous effort. My celebration was about to end though. Maybe the Dad and the Lord did get me to the front porch, but their charity towards me had just run empty.

I attempted to gently slide off the edge, but my left foot got caught in the stir-up and I viciously fell to the ground. The force of the fall bounced my body slightly as if hitting the ground twice. My head hit the gravel with excessive force knocking me unconscious. I laid on the ground, my left foot still twisted in the stir-up. Maybe I was wrong about my charity running out, because the horse stayed still moving only slightly.

The sun set, as I lay feebler than ever. The jolting of my body as I attempted to leave my home and go to the barn had only advanced my stage in the influenza. My abilities to ignore the pain and suffering, along with the increasing fever were more heroic than anything else I had accomplished today. Now, I added to that my broken arm, my sprained ankle, abrasions on my arms and legs, and a concussion, to say the least. Had I died, surely my soul would have floated over this sight wondering what else I could have possibly done to my human body in my last days. Nearly dead, I was more exposed to the natural environment than I would have placed myself. I could say one thing from heaven, I didn't give up and I did my best under the circumstances.

**September 19, 1918 1:20am**

Once again, like a rerun, I awoke to complete darkness. I could here the crickets and bull frogs from the field and valley below. The air was cool and the sky was so beautiful it brought a tear to my eye. Out in the country, I always took the time to enjoy the night sky. The stars twinkling in the night over head. I lay on my back with my leg still twisted. I felt completely numb from the waist down. My left arm was tucked up underneath me and I wondered what had happened. I had no memory of how I came to this place or exactly where I was. Completely confused, I looked at the horse that held me prisoner and then back over my head to the house. _Home_. I tried to get a grasp of what had happened, but I just couldn't seem to focus. I shifted around a little and the horse began to move.

"Shhh. Shhh." I begged. His movement was not helping me but further tangling my body into a pretzel. I smelled blood, vomit, honeysuckles, and the horse, among other things. The mixture was interesting. I noticed I was feeling pretty weak and hot. My shirt felt awkward and I just wanted to grab a hold of it and pull it out from my pants.

I gave up figuring it was no use. Taking a deep breath and looking back at the stars I started to get bits and pieces from the last few days. I remembered my mother, she looked very sick. I glanced back at the house with the front door hanging open. Then I remembered carrying my father in to the house, followed by the memory of his dead body lying in his bed. I gasped as if it was new information. The tears began and my ribs ached. My fall, _yes_, I had fallen. It was slowly coming back to me, but the more I tried to wiggle free the more my body agonized.

I commanded my body to get up and get my mother, but I could only do so in my imagination. I could see every detail as I gracefully walked up the front steps, through the front door, down the hall, and then into the main bathroom where my mother lay. I pictured myself perfectly healthy again. My shirt tucked in, my hair brushed, and I strolled in like an angel. Maybe I was dead and I didn't realize it yet. But the pain reminded me that I was not there yet, but close.

I cried knowing it was now not possible to save her. We would die alone, separated with Dad in the bed, Mom in the bathroom, and me outside. The animals would consume me first and then wonder into the house by the smell. I didn't want to be awake for this, so I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. It was easy to leave behind all the pain and suffering, the loss of my life. Not just the physical life, but the life I wanted, my hopes and dreams, _Jenny_. I had accomplished nothing really. Finally, _finally_ I let the depression take me. I was gone.


	7. Saving Edward

**Chapter 7: Saving Edward**

**September 19, 1918 4:30am**

I felt cold hands around my body as I drifted into the air. I was unable to open my eyes or understand exactly what was happening to me, but that was nothing new. For days I have dreamed and drifted in and out of consciousness. I had experienced highs and lows, crying, screaming, and delusions. I was sure that I was still lying on my front yard tangled up with my horse Ransom, simply dreaming. Another option was that I had actually died and this is how my spirit lifted to heaven. I had always thought it happened in the wink of an eye, but maybe they were wrong. Maybe spirits drifted blindly up into the night sky, passing the stars and moon. Again, I tried with all my aching body to open my eyes so I would not miss the experience. What would the stars look like close up and would I see heaven as I approached it. Would I see the golden gates, or just float in dumbly? I had so many questions.

Fresh air blew against my face like I was picking up speed. I recognized the feel of the air moving my hair and taking my breath from the many runs I had taken in my lifetime. Lifetime. My life had been so short. I thought about Mom and Dad and how I must have disappointed them. I couldn't save them or myself. The wind was getting stronger. I thought there was no air in space? Maybe they were wrong about that too. I felt a little movement against my back, like an arm or a hand. Maybe I was still on earth? Their movement caused a sharp pain in my left side and I groaned. I was dreaming, I was sure of it. But the air felt good to my body. I just couldn't understand what was happening.

**September 19, 1918 10:00am**

I shifted on my cloud. It was so soft. I didn't feel pain anymore. I was slightly sore, but maybe that was how you felt in heaven. I was still unable to open my eyes, but maybe there was a reason for that. I had missed seeing everything and was irritated by that. Hmm. I didn't think you could get irritated in heaven. The pastor must have been wrong about a lot of things. I wondered what he would think when he got here too. And Dad, where was he? Would we share a mansion or be next-door neighbors? I liked this place so far, but I wanted to see it. I had grown up hearing all about it, the streets of gold and all that goodness. I would never suffer again. Finally, I was here. I hope Mom is here too so we can all be together again. I felt the muscles in my face move as I smiled. Interesting?

Light slipped through the cracks of my eyes and a new scent hit my nose with a rush. It was like menthol and plastic, maybe rubber, and kind of sweet at the same time. I wasn't sure what heaven was supposed to smell like, but was that death? I opened my eyes wider, excited to see my new home. I was still on my back and the ceiling was plain white. I had expected blue skies and clouds. I turned my head to see more white walls. I heard shuffling, coughing, and crying in the background. To my right was a cotton curtain dangling from the ceiling. This could not be heaven. My left arm was completely bandaged from my shoulder down and in a cast. I lifted my right hand to my chest and glided it down over my ribs and stomach. I could feel my bones through a thin layer of skin. A soft cotton sheet was tucked in around me neatly. I pulled my arm back up to my face and groaned with dissatisfaction. I was not dead, nor in heaven. I could feel my fever and the stubbles growing on my face. A shadow cast on the wall let me know that someone was coming through the door. I waited impatiently as they scuffled near the door.

I recognized the new doctor as he came around from behind the sheet. His eyes were golden and he smiled warmly like he knew me his whole life. He had answered the door that night I tried to save my father, but morning was too late. I felt anger welling up in me.

"It's ok, son. You're at the hospital. Your mother is in the next room." He said softly. My hearing must have been damaged from the influenza because his voice sounded like an angels. Hearing the word Mom dissipated my anger briefly.

"I want to see her." I demanded. Talking was making my head buzz. I closed my eyes trying to control the dizziness and humming in my ears. I felt cold hands on my forehead and opened my eyes to see the concern on his face. He was different and not just because of his pallid skin and golden eyes. He looked at me like I was his sick son. I was angry again, because he was not my father. Edward Masen, the man he left to die was my father. I started to raise my hand to push him away, but in a flash his hand was back beside him. I looked at him wondering what he was, not realizing I was onto something.

"Your mother is fine. You just concentrate on getting better yourself." He whispered before leaving the room. But I knew he was lying. They always lie so you fight to get better.

If I had a mirror, I would have realized my condition. My earlier illness the week before had made me more susceptible to the influenza. Being young, I could have easily fought it off, but not now. Then with all my incidents trying to get help, I had only worsened the situation. I had broken several ribs, a concussion, a high fever, a sprained ankle, broken left arm, and lots of abrasions. Not to mention the influenza I had picked up from my Dad. The doctor had good reason for keeping me from Mom.

Had I been healthy and able to visit my mother I would have seen her condition too. She lay motionless in her bed and was next to death. Her skin white and lips beginning to turn blue. Dark black circles colored her delicate skin around her eyes. She would awake only briefly and whisper to the doctor. The nurses could not hear her, but the doctor, somehow with impressive hearing, heard every word. She too ran an extremely high fever. The nurses had cleaned her up and put her in a white robe just like me. They had tried an ice bath to bring her fever down, but we had been away from the hospital too long. We would both die. They were only trying to keep us comfortable at this point. Everything else was just an illusion.

The make shift hospital that we laid in smelled like death, which was not encouraging in any way. I tried not to think about the inevitable doom, but with the sounds, the smells, and the general location we laid, my hope was deteriorating with my body.

Two days I laid in what I first thought was heaven. I could laugh at it now, if I had the energy. Each day seemed only to get worse. I was constantly fed medication and soup, just to throw it right back up. The painkillers did help, but it was not saving me. The man on the other side of the curtain talked to himself in whispers. Occasionally he would shout something and wake me. I wondered why the doctors and nurses were able to stay healthy; especially the golden eyed one? I felt strange around him, but he checked on me constantly. I didn't bother trying to talk to him. Not because I didn't have the energy, which I didn't, but because he freaked me out. I also was not forgiving him for not caring for my father.

**September 21, 1918 6:00pm**

My voice was a whisper, "I need to see my mother." I begged him knowing it was his last visit for the day. He stared it me for a moment, contemplating.

"I'm dying, please." I laid waiting, hoping he would not force me to speak again. It hurt my throat and jaw to move. My eye's burned and I just wanted to close them, even for a moment, but I needed him to answer me. Finally, he nodded. Relief washed over me as I closed my eyes to sleep once again. I just needed more sleep.

This was my third day in this God forsaken place. I thought it would be the day I died, but the good Dr. Cullen had other plans. September 21, 1918 was the day I stopped living as a son, a student, and a boy in love. The life I had lived thus far was going to end. My dreams of college and parties with girls, marriage, and a life with Jenny were over in some aspects. I would love again and I would attend college, but not as Edward Masen. On the third day, moments before my mothers last breathe, she begged Dr. Carlisle Cullen to save my life. I believe she saw something different in him just like I did. It would be her last words. She managed to fight the influenza for four and a half long days. Her battle was in vein though, because in the end she too would die. She would be together again with my father, but this time in heaven.

Hearing my mother's final plea for my life, Dr. Cullen made the decision to end my loosing battle for human life. He slipped in my room after most of the faculties shift had ended and told me that my mother had died a peaceful death earlier that day. I was heartbroken. I had begged to see her for days, and once again he refused me. I did not blame him for my mother's death, but he kept me from her for no reason. I shook my head, unable to do anything else.

"Just kill me." I begged as the tears flowed.

The doctor leaned down and told me her last words. Words I expected from her, that she loved me and to live life to the fullest. That was not an option for me now. I would join her soon enough and I was finally ready. Maybe it was good that I knew she had passed because I could finally let go. I could give up my fight. But the doctor still stood by my bed, like he wanted to say or do something else. He was deep in thought. _Just go away_, I thought to myself, _leave me alone. _

He finally left the room, but I was sure he stayed close. Within the hour I knew my time was coming. My body shook from the fever and my teeth chattered together. My bed was soaked from sweat and tears. The nurse ran in and out, but I refused any medication. If death was going to linger, I was going to force it.

**September 21, 1918 9:00pm**

It was dark in my room. All the main staff had left for the day. I knew I would not awake another day and impatiently waited. A very cold hand touched my forehead and arm. I saw the outline from the moon shining in overhead. He was back again. I tried not to shake, but I couldn't stop my body from responding to his cold touch. I could see the alarm in his eyes by the sight of me. I had taken a downward spiral since he had seen me last. He leaned down to whisper in my ear. I laid in the bed like a statue, my muscles all locked in pain.

"Edward. Your mother asked me to save you. She said you must live on because you are too special to be lost forever."

I listened to him tell me the rest of her last words as she begged him to save me. I didn't understand what he meant, how _he_ could save me. Then he leaned into my neck and I felt a prick. At first it was like a small needle breaking the skin. Then a sting with a hot sensation. My back arched like a bridge from the intolerable pain. Nothing I had experienced in the last week compared to the blood boiling, heart stopping, and eye-popping pain. I could not breathe or gasp for air because my lungs were closed off. Screams were not even an option because without air, I would just die, but I didn't. My body fell back to the bed and I heard the springs pop from the impact. The Spanish influenza was nothing compared to the severe burning throughout my body. I was burning from the inside out. My heart beat erratically and my blood throbbed in my arms and legs like boiling water. My eyes felt dry like every bit of liquid was being sucked right out of me. I thought I would not bare the agonizing bite. What was he doing to me? I could not think or respond. It happened so fast I could not push him from me. This is not what my mother wanted for me, not more excruciating pain. It felt like a thousand fire ants biting my entire body at the same time. My fingers curled up around the sheets balling into a fist, waiting for this to end, but it didn't. I was not sure how long it took, but I passed out from the pain. The last thing I saw was my blood on his teeth as he stood by my side.


	8. New Life

**Chapter 8: A New Life**

There was a long period of time that was blurry. My eyes were pitch black and the burning sensation tormented me for what seemed like hours. I was slowly being scorched alive as I lay in bed. This was nothing like the warm, kindled fire from our living room, but rather a sustaining, intense heat from my core. My skin was actually cold to the touch, but I would never know it. I assumed my fever had peaked far beyond what was possible. I lay in a transit between life and death. I had no idea that my human body was already gone, dead to this world. I was transforming, slowly, painfully. Inside it was pure hell. I was unable to think from the pain, only recognizing my own screams of agony in my head. My mouth, sealed closed by the clench of my teeth, I lay helpless and alone.

If only I could see something, someone, or call for help. I swore I must be lying in a bed of fire, but did not smell the burning of my flesh or hear the distinct crackling of the fire. But even without all humanly senses, I knew without a doubt that this was my passage to Hell? Was it because I had visualized Jenny naked or her breast against me? Was it because I had fantasized about her lips and her breath on my cheek so many times or the frequent glance of her backside as it swayed down the dirty road towards school? I had sinned and now I had to face my punishment. I just wish I knew exactly what sinful deed I had committed that was so horrible that I deserve _this_. It was not like I had taken advantage of her, touched her smooth, white skin, or tasted her sweet lips. I had only wanted her, badly. Did my hours and hours of time in church not count for anything? Did my self-control not win me any good favor? I had done my best to be an honorable young man. I did my chores without complaint. I said my prayers and asked forgiveness. I obeyed my elders and did my school work. What, what had I done to deserve tormenting pain and agony? Was not having Jenny, a career, a life not good enough punishment?

What would my Mom and Dad think, knowing I had gone straight to Hell? I was suddenly ashamed. The burning tingled in my fingertips as it began to aggressively rise through my arms and up to my shoulders and neck. Then my collarbone ignited into furious flames. I was frightened. My heart raced like my legs once did running through the fields as a young boy pretending to fly like a bird. My arms spread, I leaped into the air only to be disappointed that I fell straight back towards the earth. So many chances, even in death I could not escape this earth. It bound me so close I felt I could not breathe another second. All that was left was my head and I impatiently waited for the final stage. I would be consumed by the fiery heat, or whatever this was.

I thought about screaming out, but I knew the flames would just burst from my lips. My heart suddenly began to slow. Then, like a jerking in my chest, my heart just thudded to a stop. My head, lightheaded and swirling, wondered how that was possible. How could I still be thinking if my heart had stopped? This must be part of the process, I concluded. Death, nothing like the preacher had spoke of from the pulpit. With the last spark of hope, I reconsidered. Maybe they thought I was dead and had just thrown my body into the cremator furnace. It would explain the intense heat since they were typically over 1600 degrees. I quickly dismissed the thought knowing I was simply grasping for straws. I could no longer deny the truth; I was dead and making my way to Hell.

I awoke in a small room. Clearly I was not in Hell or the hospital. I noticed the small details of the light bulb hanging above me and the sounds and smells blowing in through the window. The sunlight hit the wall in a perfect angle, casting a small shadow to the floor. I felt strange, but no words to describe it. I was also unbelievably thirsty. My throat and mouth burned, similar to my dreams of the fire. I heard the footsteps of Dr. Cullen coming down the hall. I knew it was him by the sound of his shoes. He walked perfectly in time. The squeak of his expensive, leather shoes were unmistakable. The rest of the room was empty. No decorations, no cabinets, or dressers, just one single bed with a sheet. Immediately my mind was already off of that and onto something else. The sound of a bird outside my window, and then to the sound of his footsteps again. I smelled the maple tree outside and then just as quickly distracted by a small fly buzzing around the room. It was very annoying. My eyes followed it while seeing every detail of its wings, two in front, and two hind wings. Its eyes, I noticed how large they were for its body. Two large, grayish things broken down into hundreds of small bubbles. _Fascinating_, I thought. It looked at me too, watching me carefully. I must be on some strange medication, I rationalized. As it flew closer I quickly reached out and grabbed it in my palm. My reflexes were so fast I felt superhuman. All I had to do was think about grabbing the fly and it was already done. There it was, in my hand. I would have professed that I was dreaming had it not been for the fly twisting and squirming in the palm of my hand.

"Good morning." Carlisle said standing at the door. He noticed the fly in my hand and quickly smiled.

_What have I got myself into_, he thought, but his lips were still sealed shut with a smile as he took another step towards me. I sat on the edge of the bed taking in all the new sounds and colors that my human eye would have missed. I heard no breath, no heartbeat, nothing from him. I looked down to my chest, placing my hand over my heart. I was just like him now, nothing but a cold, hard shell. I knew he was different and now I was too.

"Just relax, Edward. Take it easy." He said softly inching towards me. I calculated each step, suddenly knowing exactly how much closer he was to me, how long until he would reach my side, and predicting escapes. I was like a human calculator. I didn't even want to know, or care, but the knowledge came. It was like I felt threatened and my body responded by giving me everything I needed to know. What had I become? Where exactly was I?

"What-" I said, my voice feeling and sounding strange. I could not even complete my question distracted by my own voice. It was deeper, angelic, but controlled. The ringing in my ears from my own voice was just as annoying as the fly still squirming to get free. I looked out the window noticing how the wind moved the trees. Carlisle noticed my frustration and inability to focus.

"Edward." He repeated softly once more. He behaved like a father worrying over his son.

"What have I got myself into"? I repeated his thoughts aloud. He seemed surprised or was it confused. Probably a little of both, just like me. I could definitely relate to that right now.

_My name is Dr. Spock_, he thought again, testing me. _Had that been a coincidence_, I heard him think.

"No," I said firmly, "You are Dr. Cullen, not Spock." I corrected.

"Amazing." He said stepping closer. I pulled back, but unexpectantly was on my feet at the head of the bed. I looked quickly at my body. My knees now pressed against my chest, I visibly seemed the same. My legs and arms were just as long as before. I was just paler.

"Please, Edward. I will not harm you." He held his arms up defensively as he attempted to take another step forward, but I felt vulnerable and uneasy. I imagined myself standing against the opposing wall and suddenly I was there. Getting freaked out would not quite describe how I was feeling. Panic, confused, they would be a little more accurate. I just wanted him to stop coming closer and give me a moment.

"My name is Carlisle. I'm sure you remember me from the hospital." He continued to speak softly as if I was suicidal or something.

"Yes." I hissed. My head tilted like an animal listening for danger. I had no long hair and nails, so I could rule out werewolf. I assumed he could not read my mind or it was just to unpredictable at the moment. I hated the inability to focus or feel one thing at a time or slow it all down. I was getting angry now.

"Edward. Your mother asked me to save your life and so I did, the best way I knew how. You're-" he hesitated but the word popped into his mind.

"There's no such thing as vampires." I laughed, but with little enthusiasm. Freeing the fly finally I watched as it flew out the window to freedom. My own body twitched with excitement, like a dog waiting for his treat. I felt excited for something, but I didn't know what. This feeling to burst free became more and more heightened. I was loosing control, quickly, but had no idea how to stop it. I saw the concern in Carlisle's eyes and the fear that he would not contain me. The window was my freedom. The sounds and smells outside the bedroom window were too enticing. Erratic and shaking, I leapt through the open window and disappeared into the woods.

I ran hard and fast. I could not believe my speed. I dashed past trees but still saw the detail of each one. I could never run like this before. Maybe the doctor was right. I was some vampire freak now. The faster I ran the more his words became real to me. I could hear him coming behind me, the sound of his feet on the leaves and dirt and his mind. He was very noisy to me. Then I recognized the sounds of the animals. I wasn't sure what was out there, but I heard them, every little detail. I was thirsty, but I still didn't know what for. I looked for water because it was all I knew. The doctor begged for me to stop. I was surprised that I was faster than him. My thoughts still untamed, I could hardly stop the flow of erratic information. I took everything in as I continued to run without any feelings of exhaustion. Sucking air into my body did nothing for me, it was no longer necessary.

I decided it was best to let this doctor explain my new life or more importantly, my new body. Obviously I was not human anymore. And obviously myths were now reality. I slowed to a walk placing my hand over my heart one more time. Still, after the excessive speed I had run, nothing. Caught up to me now, Carlisle finally kept his distance. I felt safer with him several feet away. The pieces started to fall together as he explained his life and transformation. The burning I had suffered was gone forever. I could say that and mean it, because now I literally had forever. I thought about Mom and Dad and how they would be in Heaven forever while I had to roam this earth forever, without them. I felt like crying, but no tears could be shed ever again. Frozen in time at the age of seventeen, sweet.

"Edward, I know this is all very hard to accept right now. I couldn't let you die, not after your mother begged me to save you." I looked at him quickly seeing her lying in the hospital bed through his eyes. He was telling me the truth. She all but forced him to save me. I knew how persuasive Mom could be, especially when I was involved. I had random thoughts of Mom and Dad and the farm. I glanced around the woods surrounding us. I was looking for the direction home.

"I regret that I could not have saved your parents as well. They were good people who did not deserve to suffer. But I have never changed someone before and so this is all new to me as well." He said sincerely.

I understood his compassion. He seemed to very loving and kind. It was hard to maintain my anger towards him. Considering he was a vampire, he seemed nice. I glanced over my right shoulder to the sound of a deer.

"I'm thirsty. My throat is burning." I said to him, unable to take my eyes off the woods beside me. "What do we eat and drink?" I asked.

"Yes, well, that is something you will learn to tame. It takes time, but I am sure you have the willpower to do what's best." He smiled warmly as he always did. If he thought he was going to be my replacement father, he was wrong about that. Compassionate or not, he still had something to prove to me, why I was worthy to be saved and not my parents.

"What do we eat?" I asked him firmly. I had no patience for this right now, I just wanted answers.

"Animal blood." He responded sharply. I felt as though he was not being completely truthful.

"Animal blood? And that's it?" I stepped towards him. I tried to take a normal human step, but I over estimated and ended up inches from his face. He chuckled, but I was angry again.

"I hate you," I hissed like a serpent. I stepped back arching my back down slightly as if I would attack. "You're a murderer." and my first growl made its tickling way up my throat and through my teeth. It startled me at first and I responded protectively. My arms out and body leaning forward with my new sharp teeth exposed. Carlisle didn't seem threatened or worried in the slightest. I quickly learned why because my emotions were swinging worse than a pregnant woman's. Before I knew it I was content again and distracted by the sounds of the forest. The animals smelled good to me. I shook my head stepping back farther, humiliated more than anything.

"This is normal. Mixed emotions, especially anger. You will learn to control them like everything else." He said patiently.

_Always so compassionate_, I thought. He was making me sick. I fled again as fast as I could towards the noise of the deer. I felt like an animal on a hunt. I wanted to tear those beasts apart with my bare hands and I did. Carlisle came upon me already covered in blood. Sweet blood, the smell was like nothing I had ever experienced. It was divine, like chocolate covered strawberries. I found myself licking my hands and arms like a wild animal. When I was capable of recognizing my crude behavior, I stopped and cleaned myself up in the riverbed. I was disgusted with myself, but pleased at the same time. My throat was still burning, as if I had drunk nothing.

"Edward." he said sternly. "Edward please, you must practice self control."

He was annoying me now. I ran to him in a flash, pushing him down with both hands. A little deer blood left on my arm smeared across his shirt. Carlisle quickly was on his feet again making a stance against me. Oh, it's on like Donkey Kong. I rammed him into the tree behind him and it cracked falling in the opposite direction. We both watched as it fell and the sound of it echoing through the woods.

"I repeat, self control." He said comically. I couldn't help but laugh with him and somehow that few seconds of laughter felt like betrayal. Before I could respond he was talking again, as if he knew he only had seconds with me before I would flip out again and attack.

"Son, I know this is hard for you, but it will be easier if you will accept this and begin to learn. I struggled alone without a teacher. I can guide you through this difficult process."

"Process?" I repeated with one eyebrow raised. "You turned me into a blood sucking creature and now you want to be my teacher. You should have let me die. My mother made a mistake. I could be with them now." I growled.

"I'm sorry. I did what I thought was best." He responded.

"Best? Best? This is what you call best?" I shouted stepping in his direction. He moved back as he listened. "What about me, Carlisle? What choice do I have now? You have to kill me, just kill me?" I begged. I could not forget all my human memories. I could only think about how life would be forever. "I'll just roam the earth thinking about my parents and my friends, watching everyone I know die."

"No, Edward, you will not keep your human memories. You have them now, but they will all be gone soon." He looked at me reassuring, but it was not. I was literally petrified by the thought. I would not only have no family, but no memories of my family. I shook my head in disbelief. He immediately understood and regretted telling me in this way. "I'm sorry." He whispered, but I was already gone. I was running again and ignoring the sound of Carlisle behind me. I was going home.


	9. Making Memories

**Chapter 9: Making Memories**

I wasn't sure how long my memories would last. I didn't hear Carlisle behind me anymore. I assumed he was giving me my much-needed space. After all, he knew where I lived. The small farm I knew as my home was silent. I could hear the animals in the barn breathing, barely. Days had gone by with no one here to feed them. I could only imagine what shape they were in. I stopped at the bottom of the front porch stairs. I glanced over my shoulder down the dirt path I once took to school. Everywhere, just silence. Not a bird in the sky or tree chirping their hello. No dogs barking in the background, not that there ever was. I stared at the front door for what seemed like forever. I noticed all the fine cracks in the white painted door. One step at a time I made my way inside, gently closing the door behind me. Memories flooded my mind. I leaned against the front door, closing my eyes and reliving my life.

"Mom, mom!" I shouted. I wore my favorite blue jean suspenders running through the front door and down the hall to the kitchen. I had found a baby frog down by the pond and brought it home in hopes that I could keep it. Mom shriek as I lifted my small hands exposing the frog between my fingers.

"Oh, Edward, put it out, put it out." She demanded. I never understood why girls hated harmless animals. He was just a little, helpless frog. Sadly, I hung my head and walked it back down to the pond.

"Goodbye, Mr. Froggy." I said watching him leap into the water. I would see him, or another frog similar all summer and talk to him as if he was my best friend.

I opened my eyes with a smile. I would give anything to be six years old again and chasing frogs at the pond. Those days went on forever. I noticed a small dent in the wall and the memory of me running into it with my head. I chuckled.

I had invited a new friend from school for a Saturday visit. Mom had baked a yellow cake and we licked the bowl and spoon. She said we could play outside till it started to rain and we did all afternoon. He was rougher than I was; playing to him was pushing and shoving from time to time. He liked to wrestle, climb trees, and pretend fight. Dad didn't care for him and even as a young child I noticed his discomfort. Dad was a gentle man, loving, and kind. We never wrestled unless it was kindly with tickling and laughter. This boy, Joseph, was nothing like anyone I knew. So when the rain began, we moved inside. Mom told us we couldn't play in the living room or kitchen. My room was boring; at least that's what Joseph said, so we headed to the hall for a final wrestling match. It was final all right when my head was smashed into the wall and Mom came running. I cut my forehead and blood dripped all over the floor. Apparently head wounds bleed more than other parts of your body. It looked worse than it really was, but it petrified her. She screamed as if I had been killed and demanded Joseph go home immediately. That was the last time he came to my house. I was all right. I had a headache for the rest of the day, but I got to eat all the cake I wanted, so it was worth it. Joseph moved away the following year, right after my twelfth birthday and I never saw him again.

My hand felt the concave of the wall as I exhaled and gritted my teeth. I walked a little farther down the hall and stopped at the kitchen. Everything was just like I remembered. I stared at it, burning it into my memory. I would never, ever forget, I thought. My journal was the only way I would never forget my parents, my home, and my human experiences.

I roamed around the kitchen touching everything as I passed. The partly prepared apples lay in a bowl on the counter now rotten. Mom was in the middle of making a fresh apple pie when everything in my world came crash down. I stood in the kitchen knowing I was all that survived, and even then that was only partly true. The reality was, the human Edward had died. This new version of my self was all that was left. I hated this new creature I had become. I didn't want this. I shook my head as my anger rose. Carlisle was right, I had to control myself. I punched a tin pan sitting on the stove and watched it fly across the room. Rotten apples flew in every direction. The human Edward never lost his temper like this. But in this moment, I forgave myself knowing this new life came with some brutality.

I walked farther down the hall and stopped once again at the bathroom. I remembered Mom laying on the floor sick and dying. I had left her to go get help. I realized now that Carlisle had discovered us and carried us into town to the hospital. He had come to check on us since he knew my father was dying from the night before. He could have saved us, but it was too late.

The bathroom was a mess. Things from the counter had been thrown to the floor and the shower curtain partly torn. Hours upon hours my mother had laid here suffering. She deserved better than that. Her last hours should not have been on a bathroom floor or a smelly hospital bed.

I headed to my parents room. It was at the end of the hall facing the front door. I wasn't sure if Dad's body would still be lying in the bed or not. I didn't smell anything, so I assumed that someone had come for his body since Mom and I was in the hospital. She would have told them to get him. The idea of him lying at home alone, slowly rotting from the heat. I don't think she ever had any hope to survive, or desire after he was gone. Only for me would she have fought, but we were both just too far-gone. I took my time getting to their room. I wasn't completely sure I wanted to see the empty room. I forced another step and peeked my head around the bedroom door. It was empty. I could see the pattern of Dad's body on the comforter of the bed. The white feather down pillow still held the shape of his head. I felt sick to my stomach, but found myself drifting into their room regardless.

I got down on my knees beside the bed and slowly, with much care, ran my fingers down the bed where he once laid. A faint deadly smell lingered in the room still. The bedroom window had been left open. The breeze pushed the white, lace curtain back and forth. I laid my head on my parent's bed, but was unable to cry. I felt the pain and suffering that would be shared with the tears, but my new body was empty. My heart stopped all over again. My throat was burning fiercely again. I would need to hunt soon. I heard Carlisle's footsteps outside. He was checking on me.

"Go away! I need more time!" I shouted angrily. I wanted to hate him. He was the reason everything in my life had fallen apart after all. Had he just taken my father in and treated Mom and I, we would probably all be alive. We could be sitting at the kitchen table talking and laughing like old times. I would be getting ready for school and watching Jenny in class. My life was much more fulfilling than I had ever believed. I would give anything to have it back.

Carlisle was still outside. I could hear his inconsiderable movements outside the window. I didn't understand why he just wouldn't leave me be. Did he not remember how it was for himself or had he adjusted better than I?

I spent at least an hour roaming around the house. I took Mom's wedding ring from her bedroom dresser. It was expense, especially for a farm boy like Dad. I was about ten when I asked her about the ring. The story she told me was inconceivable.

"Well," she said smiling, "this ring is very precious to me because it from your father. Your grandmother told me the story as she fixed my hair right before our wedding." I could visualize Mom sitting in from of her mirror as Grandma told her the story.

I remembered how I sat on the floor in front of her crossing my legs and propping my chin on my fist. She continued to knit as she passed the story on to me.

"This ring is almost 100 years old and it has been passed down through your father's family since it was made. It was his mother's, mother's, mother's ring." She paused looking at my expression. I'm sure my eyes were wide with excitement.

"The story is that the ring was made for King George III way back in 1812. There was a war going on, I'm sure you have learned about it by now." I nodded. She was talking about the War of 1812 between Great Britain and the United States. I knew all about it.

"So you know all about the ships fighting. Both sides had many war and privateer ships that attacked merchant ships. It's believed that this ring was traveling on one of those merchant ships and was stolen by a soldier. When the war was over, he proposed with this very expensive ring and now I wear it with great pride, but not because of the story, but because of your father." She smiled looking his direction. "One day, you will marry and this ring will be yours to share, Edward." I twisted my face at the thought. Girls were of no interested to me then.

I shook my head with a crooked smile. I had many fond memories. Enough to keep me satisfied for years to come, unfortunately I did not have that long. It was sad to think of all the memories that would be lost. I decided in that moment that I would start a journal and keep track of everything I could imagine. Then I could just read them over and over until…forever.

Carlisle sat under a shade tree outback. I knew he was there, but I continued to make my rounds through the house. My room, now covered in dust, was just as I had left it. My bed perfectly made and my dresser with two sheets of writing paper in the right, upper corner. I took my pointer finger and wrote, "Edward was here" Into the dust. _And now_ _Edward is gone_, I thought.

I lay on my bed lifting my hands behind my head. I looked down at my feet and across my body. My chest no longer rose and fell to the beating of my heart or the air in my lungs. This would be the last time I would visit my home and I knew that.

With Mom's ring in my pocket and Dad's pocket knife in the other, I walked out the door of my home and did not look back. I made my way down the dirt path noticing how my skin sparkled. Carlisle suddenly appeared beside me, following my slow pace.

"There are a lot of myths about vampires. For instance, we _can_ be in the sunlight, we just sparkle. We also have a few vampire rules that must be followed. The most important thing to remember, Edward, is to never let humans see you in the sunlight like you are now." He said.

I glared over at him and he stopped briefly before continuing.

"There are other vampires, more powerful than us. I'll tell you all about them another time. The most important thing is to stay low, stay out of the sun, and never tell anyone what you are, ok?" he asked stopping me with his hand.

"So I'm already breaking one rule by walking down the driveway?" I asked annoyed.

"Yes, do you mind?" he gestured towards the woods.

"Where are my parents?" I asked following his lead back towards the woods. If I wanted answers, I'd have to follow along and behave.

"Heaven I am sure." He answered. I smiled.

"No Carlisle, _where_ are their bodies?" I clarified.

"I know it seems so fast, but with the influenza, they are burying the bodies quickly. I'm sure they are already," he paused, so I finished it for him,

"Six feet under." I smirked and immediately changed our direction. Carlisle didn't seem to mind being the follower today. He continued to tell me about vampires, but I didn't care. I had forever to learn about that. For now, I wanted to see my parent's grave. After that, I was going to find Henry and Jenny. I needed to know that they survived.


	10. A New Home

**Chapter 10: A New Home**

The sun was setting. Our stroll in woods had done me good. I found a few more deer, being my main course in the first day. Carlisle had become quiet, but I was still listening to his thoughts from time to time. My focus was on the tombstones. I was getting used to his company by the time we reached the graveyard.

Five fresh graves caught my attention immediately, three of them being close together. It was all but dark, but Carlisle cautioned me to wait until it was dark. So we sat by the tree line waiting. Carlisle started to talk about the Volturi again. This time he went into detail. Apparently he had lived with them. They were like the vampire government and scarier than anything I dreamed of. They were powerful because of their powers and size. They enforced the rules everywhere, even here in America. I didn't want to admit it, but this was too much for me. I was accustomed to church, angels, God, and good behavior. Carlisle was describing demons from the gates of Hell. Now I had been hurled into a dark world that I had consider fictional. I was frightened by the thought that I was now one of these demonic creatures.

With the stillness of the night air, I stood at the foot of three stone heads reading them quietly to myself, "Elizabeth Masen, Edward Masen Sr., Edward Masen Jr.". Our births and deaths engraved in the stone permanently. Dad's date of death was a few days off being the same as Mom and I. It didn't matter though; they were gone forever while I lived on forever. I glanced at the other stones relieved that I did not recognize the names.

"Come Edward, lets go home." Carlisle begged nudging his head back towards the woods. I didn't want to go back into the woods and hide like a savage beast.

I shook my head refusing, "I have no home."

"Edward, I know this is difficult, I remember being confused and depressed when I had been changed myself. I did everything in my power to destroy myself, but this is who we are. It cannot be changed and time cannot go in reverse. The hardest time will be now, as a newborn. I was alone and miserable. I promise to be here for you to make this easier." He consoled.

I glanced once more at my gravestone. Though they had no body for me, it was presumed that I was dead considering my condition. Carlisle told me that there was confusion at the hospital and different staff claimed to have taken my body to the morgue. My first day as a vampire had gone as well as it could. I still felt thirsty though. We headed home, but I still did not consider it home. I couldn't, not yet. So on the way to Carlisle's, he showed me how to attack and drink animal blood in a less savage way. It took at least four deer to quench my thirst. Even that was not enough to last the night. I would have to hunt again later. We ran the rest of the way home, but the swishing of the blood in my stomach amused me. Carlisle just laughed watching my newborn behavior. Everything was so new and beyond anything I accepted as reality. I couldn't believe I had lived amongst this great secret and never knew.

Carlisle was still worried about his decision to change me. I could hear his every thought. Though he knew I was listening, he could not stop. I could tell that he was trying to control what thoughts entered his mind because they would often be brief and choppy. I felt relieved that he suffered from his decision. I finally understood that his compassion was real. I couldn't be angry with him anymore knowing he was struggling just as much as I was. He did not want to change me, but had such a strong feeling that he had too. He was also very lonely. My first impression of him was wrong, he was a good vampire caught in the middle of life and death, just like me. I could forgive him for not saving my family, like the minister would preach, or I could continue to hate him and live an eternity miserable. Forgiveness was more favorable, so I would have to work on my ever so changing mood swings and stop blaming the doctor who had saved me.

His home was hidden in the woods where no one ever ventured. I didn't tell him about my plan to visit Jenny and Henry. I would visit them tomorrow from a distance. For now, I figured I would get a good nights sleep even though I was not tired in the slightest.

Carlisle's home was small and rough, like a hunters cabin with expansions. He gave me the grand tour. The home was plain and a little dirty. He had failed to sweep the cobwebs in the corners and ignored the falling cabinets in the kitchen. That I could understand since we would never use it, but the cobwebs would have to go. For the most part, it was livable, but not what I looked forward to for eternity.

He had two small bedrooms, which only one had a bed. In the living room was a wall of books, not one of them on a shelf. They were just stacked one on top of the other filling an entire wall. I shook my head in disbelief, "How do you get one out from the bottom?" I felt stupid even asking, but was seriously curious. He stood within seconds with a book in his hands. _That was amazing_, I thought.

"You try?" he said nodding towards the books.

I thought about one of the many medical books stacked and before I knew it I too stood with the book in my hand. It was almost natural, which only freaked me out further.

"So there's only one bed?" I asked, feeling ridiculous again. Stupid questions seemed to be my forte for the night. Obviously if it was just him he had only one bed.

Carlisle seemed surprised by the question, "I'm sorry, I forgot to mention that vampires do not sleep." And he chuckled at his absentmindedness, or my appalled expression. "I'm sure I mentioned it on our walk today. Did you hear anything I said to you?"

My eyes must have bulged out of my new vampire skull because he laughed for several minutes. All I could think about was being awake for eternity. What in the world would I do with all that time?

"Grab a book, it will be a long night." He said plopping down on the couch. He seriously needed to get new furniture because it was hideous. It was golden with flower patterns. It was at least twenty years old. I may have grown up on a farm and did not expect new things, but this couch was really ugly. Being a doctor, I expected a little more than this.

Carlisle had nothing interesting to read and I was getting really thirsty. I went to the bathroom just to see what I looked like. I was surprised, my eyes now bloodshot red. I still looked like me, but better. It was like someone had done me over at the theater with makeup and all the special treatment. I was perfect, flawless, even pretty. It was just unnatural. The only thing that really bothered me was my new red eyes. I shook the thoughts from my head and tried to think about something else. When my mind was not preoccupied, I was thinking about blood, which was about every five minutes.

"Carlisle, I'm going out. I'll be back, ok?" I said as if we had known one another for a lifetime.

"I'll join you, I'm a little thirsty myself." But he was lying. His eyes were golden, which he had already explained to me. Black meant hungry, red meant new born, and golden was full and content. I still felt as though he was not telling me everything. I was still getting little choppy thoughts, but didn't understand them yet. I fed like crazy throughout the night, leaving the house repeatedly. Carlisle was kind and joined me without question. He said that newborns drank a lot at first. There was no reason for me not to believe him. To my surprise, morning came fast. I did look forward to the day that I would not have to feed so often.

Carlisle and I got to know one another pretty well the first day and night. I had a lot of questions about different things, such as the influenza and more about vampires. It was interesting to hear his story, being the son of a preacher man. He believed we had a soul, but I wasn't sure about that. Apparently he had wandered alone for a long time after he left the Volturi. I was glad I was here for him considering I was dead anyway. At least my new life was not in vein, I had purpose now. I could set new goals. There was plenty of time for everything I wanted to do. I could learn to play the piano and speak multiple languages. Carlisle worked as a doctor right along with the humans, so I could too. I could even go to college. What I couldn't do was marry or have a best friend. I would have to learn to be happy again, content to be alone with Carlisle.

"So I'm like your son now, right?" I asked. Carlisle nodded.

"If that's alright with you? I don't mean to take your parents place. They will always be your parents, forever. It will just make it easier for the humans to believe us as we travel from place to place."

Humans. It was hard to hear him say the word knowing that was what I once was, a simple human. Vampires were stronger, faster, and more intelligent. Now I had graduated from the primitive human group to the superior vampire group. I felt like I was making fun of my own team, but I had been exchanged mid game and had to live with the consequences.

Carlisle had suggested that we would be traveling. My mind quickly shifted gears.

"Travel?" I questioned. I did not want to leave my home.

"You're dead, remember? You cannot be seen here. Not until everyone in this area has passed. We will start over someplace else." He explained calmly. Nothing new for him apparently, but

I knew he was right. I just didn't want to go yet. I had to see Jenny and Henry before I left, to make sure that they were all right.

In the morning I told him I was going to feed and didn't need his help this time. I knew if I told him where I was going, he would forbid it. So he headed to the hospital to put in his notice and I agreed to be home in a few hours. He seemed reluctant to go, but I reassured him that I would stay close.

I headed to Henry's farm first. I enjoyed the run, like I had when I was human, but I was so much faster now. I made it Henry's place in fourth of the time. I listened for him and watched carefully from a distance. I saw him stomp out of the barn looking pale and depressed. That was expected, I was dead after all. I was so glad to see he was alive. The wind was shifting and I got a whiff of his scent. It was powerful and sweeter smelling than any animal blood. My whole body began to tremble. I felt a very strong internal force driving me to run to him immediately and attack. I was amazingly focused on his every move, every breath. I noticed the sound of his heart beating and the wind moving the strands of hair on his head. He stepped slowly back and forth moving small bails of hay. Knowing this was my best friend in the world did not help my urge to kill him.

I finally figured out what Carlisle was keeping from me. It was not animal blood that vampires desired, but humans. I was furious that he had not told me, but quickly realized it was not done to hurt me, but to protect the humans I loved.

I could never hurt Henry, I couldn't. It was so easy to convince myself of that. It was a cloudy day, so I could just show him that I was alive, but moving to my uncles. I'd have to keep it short, but my mind quickly came up with plenty of excuses for leaving. At least Henry would not have to suffer over my death. I had faith that I could do this. It was Henry for crying out loud, of course I could.

I had it all worked out and started to make my way towards him. I had no idea what I was getting myself, and Henry, into. He was back in the barn by the time I made it down the hill. I followed the beat of his heart from outside the barn. It was amazing what I had become. I would miss him terribly, especially our plans we had made to stay together through college and marriages. I heard the milk bucket hit the floor of the barn and Henry grunt right before picking it back up. He was having a bad day. Hopefully seeing me would change this.

I didn't even consider this not working. I pushed the barn door back a little and stepped inside. It was darker than I had expected, but I could see perfectly. Henry turned towards me sitting on the stool next to one of his cows. He squinted trying to make out the dark figure.

"Hello?" he asked. I could hear the concern in his voice. Like he had a gut feeling he was in trouble. He was right. I could see his veins right through his thin layer of skin. His heart began to beat faster, only exciting me more. I needed to get out of here, but I couldn't. It was too late. My animal instinct had already planted my feet firmly on his barn floor. I was no longer Edward the friendly vampire; I was a blood-sucking creature from the gates of hell and hungry, very hungry. I stepped forward, but I doubt he noticed because I was too fast for the human eye. I stopped in my tracks exactly six feet from him and feeling completely out of control. A low growl escaped my lips. The smell of his blood put me in a trance I had never experienced before. He was nothing like the animals I had hunted. But worse, he was no longer Henry to me, but a fresh meal I needed desperately.

"Edward?" he asked now standing to his feet. He smiled excitedly dropping the bucket back to the floor. Milk splashed all over his blue jean trousers. I was not taken off guard in the slightest. He had seconds left and I wanted to stop myself so badly, but I couldn't. It was like something inside me had taken control. My eyes squinted as a battle raged inside me. I would not stop fighting for his survival, even as my teeth would slice into his soft tissues and as I would drink his blood.


	11. Best Friends

Chapter 11: Best Friends

I couldn't speak by this point let alone concentrate on what he was saying. I focused harder on not leaping forward. Not Henry, not my best friend in the whole world. I would never be able to live with myself if I did him harm, or whatever it is that I was about to do.

The next thing I knew I was back outside and the barn door was closed. Carlisle was starring at me angrily, pulling me towards the cornfield. I was relieved to see him. My body fought his pull as I tried to break free. The animal instinct growled unhappily knowing he had just taken me from my dinner. Rows and rows of corns became the perfect cover until Henry would give up looking for me. Carlisle did not stop; he just continued to pull me farther and farther away. I listened as Henry called out my name. Tears flowed down his cheeks. His heart still racing from our encounter. He was afraid, but determined to prove he had seen me. All I wanted to do was run back and hug him. I wanted to tell him that everything was all right; I was all right, kind of. But I knew I would only harm him in the end. Deep down, I knew it was the only reason why Carlisle was able to drag me from him, because I too wanted him safe. Had I not know Henry so dearly, I doubt Carlisle could have saved him from me.

Once we hit the end of the field, I finally gave up the struggle to break free. I ran with Carlisle, relieved that I no longer wanted to kill Henry. Carlisle hissed and growled the whole way home. He was yelling in his head, which I deserved. I had let him down and almost killed my best friend. I could only think about Jenny and if I had gone to her first. I would not be able to say goodbye as I had planned. I felt depressed and even with Carlisle by my side, I still felt all alone and confused.

"I'm sorry." I whispered. I sat on the couch visualizing Henry running from the barn looking in every direction for me. I wanted to make things better, but made them worse instead. The dust flew up around his feet as he twisted and turned searching. He would look for me all day and maybe the day after that, just to satisfy his dream of me.

"I just wanted to say goodbye." I whispered. Carlisle's mental yelling stopped. He placed one hand firmly on my shoulder, but with deep sympathy.

"You're not ready for human contact, Edward." He said aloud.

"You should have told me." I growled. He knew exactly what I was talking about, human blood and the desire for it.

"You're right, I should have told you. For that I'm sorry. I was just afraid that you weren't ready. I will never keep things from you again. I can see it only causes more trouble than good." He said honestly.

I spent the night feeding more. It was an endless feast that I was sick of. Carlisle seemed so happy to have someone to talk to. He told me all about his years studying to be a doctor and how it was our responsibility to keep the human's safe. Even though I heard ever word he spoke, I could not stop thinking about Jenny. I wondered if he noticed my slight distraction. After my incident with Henry, I knew seeing Jenny was impossible. I was too new to handle human contact. Carlisle had a few more days at the hospital before we could leave, so I found myself getting more and more fatigued. This doldrums was more toxic to me than facing any human, so I headed for the woods that ran parallel to town. I stayed my distance and prayed that I could control myself. I watched the horses and wagons heading into town with supplies. A few women and children walked together closely. They looked so unhappy. The influenza was all but gone in this area after taking the lives of those it wanted and moving on. Carlisle said almost everything was back to business in the city, but small nearby towns looked disheartening. It would take a long time to be back to normal again. People were still suffering from their losses. So many had died.

I found a safe place in the bushes to sit. It was a perfect line of eyesight to the general store, the school, and the post office. Bellwood was a sight for sore eyes. School was in session by the sound of the children. Matthew's General Store was open to my surprise. The whole family had passed, so I wondered which distant family or friend continued the business for them. I sat for several hours just watching. I left a few times to hunt when the burning in my throat was too much to bear. I thought about how everyone moved about as if they were completely safe. They had no idea I lurked in the bushes. If I was here, other vampires could be also. Seventeen years I had avoided them. Human life now seemed so fragile to me.

The school bell would ring soon. I waited, hoping to see her beauteous face. I was uneasy, not sure if I would be able to control myself once I saw her. And then, suddenly, it rang. Children of all ages came pouring out, so happy that the day was done. Among them were Jenny and Henry walking side by side. I felt a little jealous at the sight of them. I assumed I was jealous because they were human and could live without this disturbing desire for blood. But as I watched, unable to take my gaze off of them, I realized I was just jealous. I scrutinized every detail, how they walked so close together, how they laugh and talked like nothing bad had ever happened. I released a low growl between my clenched teeth. Henry was making his move on my women, I was sure of it.

I followed back along the same tree line. I recognized my own scent knowing it would cross to the left soon. At the fork in the road, they separated. I watched as Henry pulled her thin body up to his and hug her tightly. I was heartbroken, but mostly angry. How could he do this to me? Part of me wanted to understand. I shook my head calculating exactly how many long strides it would take for me to reach his sweaty neck. Jenny smiled as he released her, she hadn't minded at all. I could tell by the sparkle in her eye. I wondered if this was a newfound love, or one I had missed all along. Did they love one another all this time? Had Henry kept this secret from me all those years? I was outraged and knew it was not safe for me to stay any longer. As hurt as I was, I did not want to harm them. I ran back through the woods faster than ever before. My mind swirled with flashes of memories from my human life. What had I missed? I wanted to believe that Henry would never do such a thing, but I was dead after all. The burning sensation in my throat was calling, so I went hunting to free my mind of this new information. Now I did want to leave, immediately.

I made it back to Carlisle's before he returned from the hospital. I was pacing the floor like a panicked animal in a thunderstorm.

"What happened?" he demanded.

"Nothing." I snapped. Air exhaled from my cold lungs as my lips pulled back exposing my teeth.

"Edward, if you killed someone?" he asked now alarmed.

"No, I just saw." My eyes pulled together and I squeezed the skin between my eyes tightly as if I had a major headache. "I saw Henry and Jenny that's all. Everyone's fine, for now." I grouched.

"You stay clear of all humans, do you understand me?" he demanded. Carlisle was not an authoritative type figure, but when it came to human safety, I could see he meant business. I nodded agreeing, knowing it was just a lie. I could not leave not knowing the truth.

I wrote in my journal a lot to get me through the night. This no sleeping thing was harder than I had thought. Hours upon hours I had nothing to do. When I wasn't journaling, I was hunting with Carlisle. He suggested a few books, but I had memories to keep, so I kept writing and sketching in my book.

When he left for the hospital in the morning, I malingered about the house for a few hours before heading out. It was Saturday; so going to town seemed wasteful. I was amazed that Carlisle trusted me, he shouldn't have. I could still feel a rage burning within me. As always, I tried to control my thirst, but finding the truth was more important than blood right now. I had learned nothing in the last few days because blood _always_ came first.


	12. Finding the Truth Sucks Sometimes

Chapter 12: Finding The Truth Sucks Sometimes

I headed to Henry's first but there was no sign of him. His family seemed to all be busy around the farm doing their chores. I found it strange that he was not there as well. Jenny's was just a few miles North, so I decided to take my chances and see if she or he was there.

I made the run in moments, too anxious to see what I would find. Again, no sign of Jenny. Her family was still morning the loss of her little sister. I could hear her mother inside crying while her Dad worked in the field.

I passed the pond and my old dirt road and headed straight into town. I was really pushing it, especially if Carlisle spotted me. He would smell my scent if I was not careful. I steered clear of the hospital, diagonal to the school. I took a shady place behind the school that was not visible by the main road. I watched the road, scanning the passerby's, no Henry or Jenny.

It was a crashing sound from inside the school that caught my attention moments later. Giggling followed. The laughter was familiar, but faint. I scanned the back wall looking for an entrance. A small hopper window in the basement was my only admittance. Squeezing through the narrow window, I slide on my stomach landing gently on an old school desk. Being a vampire had its advantages. I could creep, crawl, and finagle my way into about anything, without injury. I followed the echo of the two voices that became more and more clear the closer I got. Up the stairs and to the left, I came to the primary twelfth grade room. My classroom just recently.

With my back against the cool concrete wall, I listened to Jenny and Henry inside the classroom.

"I miss her so much. She was such a pain to keep track of, but I don't know how I will go on." She said sniffing her nose.

"I don't know what I'll do without Edward? I'll never have a best friend like him. I can't believe his whole family is gone." His voice soft and broken.

"I wish I had spoken to him more often. He seemed so nice." She whispered shifting a little.

I inched towards the door and glanced inside. They sat together on the teacher's desk. Jenny had a few papers in her hands. They must have come to retrieve them and Henry came along for the walk. I could hear his thoughts between their conversation, and Jenny's too. They were thinking about one another, each other's clothes and sadness in their faces. They were bonding while I was loosing control. The burning in my throat was unbearable. I could smell them both so strongly, it was intoxicating. I closed my eyes and tried to focus, their conversation now only background noise. I was going to have to face the fact that the loss of this town, including myself, had drawn them closer. I wasn't listening to them anymore, but thinking about animal blood and Carlisle changing me. Anything to distract myself. Frozen in place, if I moved I knew they would both be dead.

I heard the sound of an alarm, something was happening, probably a fire. Carlisle would be busy if anyone was hurt. I could not count on him to save me, or them. Shaking my head at my stupidity, I inched away from the door. A low growl slipped from my throat. I froze.

"What's that?" I heard Jenny ask.

"I don't know." Henry responded. I could hear them both leap to the floor. Their footsteps were getting closer. I had to get out. I took a deep breath and held it. This was only sweet relief for a moment. I was finally able to break free from the hold and ran from the door just as Henry peeked his head out innocently.

Outside again, I gasped for fresh air before fleeing again. They would know nothing of my presence. I watched as they left the school heading back towards their homes. I should have been happy. The two people I loved the most getting together and living happily ever after, but I wasn't. Maybe it was the vampire instinct or the lack of control I currently had over my own situation. For whatever insane reason, I followed the two, who stopped at my favorite pond.

"This was Edward's favorite spot." Henry told her. They sat side-by-side, arms touching one another.

"I know. I saw him a lot swimming here, but I would always pretend I didn't see him." She smiled, as if she had done me some favor.

"You didn't like him at all?" Henry asked sheepishly.

"Edward was very handsome, but too bashful and naïve for me. I want someone that will be.." she nudged Henry's shoulder, "mischievous". She giggled with her sweet smile. But she was not so sweet. It was as if blinders were removed and I saw the fine details of her face as she spoke. I had been blinded by my own overpowering love for her. She was sly in her own way, teasing Henry to join her.

"Well, Edward was very innocent, but no one will ever be a better man. He would make an awesome doctor or lawyer someday. You should have married him while he had stars in his eyes." He laughed.

They sat quietly for a moment. I watched as Jenny looked in all directions. She leaned down to his ear and whispered, "How about a swim?" her voice not the same sweet Jenny from class. This was a different girl than the one I knew. She was behaving wickedly, her voice obviously naughty.

She pulled her blouse off raising it over her head and dropping it to the ground. Her white bra covered her breast. She unzipped her skirt and wiggled from it and then her slip. Jenny's panties matched her bra, white and plain. She smiled at Henry as he watched. Again, she looked in all directions. They would hear if anyone was coming and the tree line was just behind them. They were safe to disrobe right in the open under my large shade tree.

"Come on chicken." She teased, egging him on. Henry reluctantly rose to his feet kicking his boots off. He too had to look knowing even in death he was about to betray his best friend. I closed my eyes briefly wishing this were all a dream. If I could only pinch my skin and find myself lying in bed and Mom and Dad working about the house. Jenny would be sweet and innocent again and for me to marry and love.

With my eyes opened again, I saw Henry's bare chest pressed against her soft breast. She stood naked against his white body. He embraced her as they kissed, his hand moving along her back and up into her long beautiful hair. Their mouths pressed against each other's as they kissed passionately. Petrified, appalled, horrified, all the words that could describe my gut twisting into knots as I watched. I growled and hissed as my eyes widen at the sight of them making love in the grass before God and me. Their groans more than I could take I punched at the ground.

Jenny pulled Henry into the pond keeping his body close to hers. She was a whore to me now. They were nothing, nothing to me but liars and cheats. I spat at the ground feeling that same nagging burn in my throat.

They had no idea what was coming. I slowly made my way down and across the road to get behind them. They could only run from the pond, across the road, and into the woods that led to Carlisle's home. I felt as though I had them trapped, considering we were all out in the open country. The town was miles away and everyone was at home mourning lost loved ones while they made love. I didn't know if it was their first time or not and didn't care. Henry had allowed her to take him in. We were finished. And Jenny was nothing to me but a two-cent tramp.

It was easy to take revenge. I strolled out into the open watching them turn slowly with smiles on their faces until they saw me standing at the ponds edge. It was classic really, seeing their happy faces drop to terrified. They knew I was different by my sparkling skin, red eyes, and exposed teeth. I was really hungry and they were just the ones to satisfy my thirst. Jenny pulled away covering her breast with folded arms. She said my name over and over like a broken record, her eyes wide and fearful. Henry was speechless, his mouth hanging open. Like Adam and Eve, they stood waist deep in the water completely naked.

I didn't bother to ask any questions. Now that I had allowed myself to come out and smell their fresh blood, I was only a vampire. The old Edward was gone. His body was simply a vessel for me to carry my fresh blood. I walked slowly towards them easily slipping into the water. They both begged knowing by the sight of me that the end was near.

"I'm sorry Edward. I'm sorry." Henry said. He backed away from me using his hands to cover between his legs. Jenny, half froze stumbled from the lack of arms, too busy worrying about me seeing her naked. That was the last thing she should have been worried about.

I hit Henry with the back of my arm throwing him up into the air and landing on his back half out of the water. I focused on Jenny as she began to scream. It was too easy like this, but I had to finish this. Covering her lips that I had desired for so long, I sank my teeth into her broken neck sucking the life from her. It was sweet like honey and made me want more. I dropped her body into the water momentarily. I shifted my attention to my unconscious friend. I wanted so badly to say something, a last word of some type. I glanced over his body before grabbing him by his right side. Sinking my teeth into his neck, I felt sorrowful. I didn't want it to end this way. Why Henry? Why Jenny? I should have let them live their life together. My jealousy had destroyed two lives. I shook my head closing my lips over my teeth.

I quickly dug a hole just past the tree line and threw their torn body parts in. I would have to convince Carlisle to leave immediately before he found out. Soon I would realize that was the least of my problems. Now that I had tasted human blood, it would be very hard to be satisfied with mere animal blood. Back at Carlisle's, I changed into fresh clothes and cleaned my face. I could not stop regretting what I had done. I had murdered two innocent people, two friends. Regardless of what they had done, I had no right to interfere or destroy them. I sat on the couch staring at the blank wall when Carlisle walked in.

"Edward? How was your day?"


	13. Demons Are Real

Chapter 13: Demons _are _Real

I had no idea if my parents, now in Heaven, could see what I had done. The idea tortured me. I could not get my Jenny and Henry's faces out of my mind. I felt nauseas as I grabbed at my hair. Jenny's blue eyes were wide with terror. How could I have done that to her and her parents? They had already lost one child, and now another. And Henry, my best friend in the entire world. His last thoughts no doubt wondering what had possessed me. I was not Edward Masen; I was a vile creature from the deepest, darkest pits of hell. I deserved nothing but eternal torture for what I had done. Never, never in a million years would I ever forgive myself for this day. I should have stayed home like Carlisle warned. I new I was dangerous, but selfishly left. I pounded my head with my fist as a strangled cry quivered from my cold lips. Here I sat, unable to shed a single tear knowing her mother would sob for hours, days, probably years because of me. It was all me, and my demons that cursed my soul. I wanted to tear my own body into pieces and light a fire.

_Carlisle had asked me something_, I tried to pulled myself together long enough to hear his words. My mind was wandering elsewhere. I couldn't face him. I could only imagine his disappointment and regret for changing me.

"Edward?" he asked. I forced my head to turn slowly, breaking my eye contact with the white wall. I had found comfort somehow in focusing on that wall, pale white and nothing to give back to me. No sadness, no disappointment, just emptiness and silence. I wished silently for a few more moments like that. I knew once Carlisle discovered my sinful deed I would be thrown out or destroyed. I was frightened, truly petrified by his response.

"I think we should go." I blurted out. The thought barely had a chance to cross my mind before it was released from my lips. Even my own words took me by surprised. Carlisle stared at me briefly, either from my response to my own words or the words themselves.

"What's the hurry all of a sudden?" he asked nestling himself comfortably into the seat next to me.

My eyes widened as I turned my face away, "I- just- feel like- I need to get out of this town. Get away from all the memories. My parents constant reminders." I closed my eyes tightly realizing my lie was too transparent.

"I understand. If you feel that way, we can leave first thing in the morning." He nodded in agreement patting my right shoulder. Why was he being so kind? Why did he have to be so compassionate? I heard him making a mental list of things to do in the morning, like talking to the hospitals administrator about leaving. By them everyone would know they were missing and Carlisle would know my true reason for leaving.

"No." I said vehemently, _crap, too fast, too zealous_. "I mean-, can we leave tonight?" He knew. He didn't know what, but he knew I was trying to hide something. Carlisle said vampires were supposed to be good liars. I obviously needed more practice. _Maybe he was just good at it_, I wondered.

Carlisle didn't respond at first. He just leaned up placing his forearms on his knees. His back, slouched down as he rubbed his hands together. I could hear every thought, but he was trying to be careful. I listened as at first he sifted through all his encounters for the day, seeing if anything was out of the ordinary. He glanced over at me with a smile and wondered if I had found trouble hunting. My clothes appeared new, he thought, and glanced at the white wall that had held my attention for hours. Reading minds was very handy. If I were to be anything like Carlisle some day, I would need hundreds of years to practice.

I became nervous when Carlisle asked me to take a walk with him. I hesitated before agreeing. My gut feeling said trouble was on its way. The pit of my stomach, as if it could turn, felt like butterflies. But I deserved much more than an upset stomach, so I went without delay. He led me through the woods occupying his mind with poems and songs. I knew immediately where we were going, Jenny's. I scratched at my throat and pretended to clear it. My hands ran through my hair so many times I couldn't count. I slowed my pace as we neared her small farm.

"Carlisle, _please_, stop." I begged. To my surprise, he did slow as he gazed over his shoulder. It's like he already knew

"Just stop and I will tell you, please." I begged. I couldn't bear going to listen to her family. Her mother would be frantic. "I saw Jenny and Henry today." I sighed slumping my hard body against a tree. I couldn't look at him, not now. I played with a small maple leaf twisting it back and forth between my fingers.

"Yes?" he urged.

"I-" My muscles tensed as my throat blazed from the burn. I was already thirsty again. A small animal nearby caught my attention. We both looked to the west in unison. "I have to show you something." I said quickly before I would run from him and never look back. I led him to the small dirt pile in the woods beside my pond. Completely and utterly ashamed, I bent down on my knees picking up a small handful of the dirt. I sifted the dirt through my silky fingers.

"I killed my best friend. I killed Henry and I killed Jenny too." I leaned down burying my head into my hands. "I'm so sorry. I just want to take it back." My whole body trembled knowing the most important things in my life now lay beneath me. Mom, Dad, Henry, and Jenny. The monster inside of me had taken everything away.

Carlisle crouched down next to me placing one hand on my back and the other on my shoulder, "Edward. I know this is more difficult than anything, but I need you to tell me exactly what happened?"

I told him how I was avoiding their homes and went to town, but stumbled across them anyway. Then how I followed them and caught them at the pond together. I didn't give him details, but he knew exactly what I had seen. He understood immediately what had happened. He also understood the demon inside me and how I am vulnerable to it taking control. He knew I would never hurt them, not intentionally. Carlisle saw the agony and darker hue of crimson in my eyes.

"There's nothing to be done now. You're right, we need to leave town, but not yet. If I leave now, they will blame me and look for me. Though I know I can evade them, I'd rather not have this on me. I'm sure you can understand that." I nodded agreeing. I didn't want to cause him any trouble. He should be allowed to return without any doubt.

On our run back to the house he filled his head of memories of three young girls. They had to live somewhere cold because there was a lot of snow and mountains in his memories. He thought their names as he visualized each one. I could see the green the one reflective sign with big letters reading, Denali.

"_The Denali's are the closest thing I have to a family_." He thought. "_We will stay with them for a while until we can decide where to go next_."

"So where exactly is Denali?" I asked aloud as we continued to run towards his home.

"Alaska." He shouted back over his shoulder. "I call them the Denali's because that's their coven name and location. It would be similar to a humans last name."

In my seventeen years, I had never left the Chicago area. I felt like I was leaving my whole life behind, but I guess I was. My old life was over now and leaving only made them more permanent in my mind. Carlisle was my family now and we would stick together.

I obeyed Carlisle and stayed inside the house until he was at home and we hunted together. It was hard to do that, but he made sure to come home early each night. I filled my days reading his many medical books. I even cleaned the house a little out of complete boredom. Carlisle was hiding his thoughts each evening so I knew it was getting bad in town. With two teenagers missing at the same time, I was sure they had everyone out looking.

On our last day, Carlisle selected a few of his favorite books from the stack and threw them in his bag. We would be running the whole way, so we packed light, each carrying only one bag over our shoulder.

"Carlisle?' I called as he closed the door to his house and locked it tight.

"Yes, Edward." He said tenderly.

"May we visit my parents grave sight one more time, please?" I needed one last look.

Carlisle watched as I dug a small hole right between both my parents' graves and placed my journal carefully into the hole. Swiping the dirt over the leather bound book and patty the dirt down gently, I said my goodbye to everything, everyone. I realized that my human memories would only cause me more grief. Some thing just had to be forgotten. Blowing a kiss in the air to my parents, I strolled out of the graveyard and began running.


	14. Another One Bites the Dust

Chapter 14: Another One Bites the Dust

A very small part of me was very excited to be traveling. I even felt guilty about it, but tried to keep my past in my past. Carlisle said it was perfectly normal for newborns to fully regret their killings. The thought was inconceivable until I found myself making it through the day perfectly content. Still a newbie, my eyes were a hideous red, so I had to stay out of sight from humans as we traveled. Carlisle was accustomed to being so careful. He was several hundred years old and it literally was lifetimes ago when he had suffered as a new born.

Carlisle kept my mind busy with stories as we traveled. I learned all about his first few years and his adventures on his own after leaving the Volturi. Still suffering from a burning throat, we hunted much more than he was used to, but he was kind and never complained.

We shot northwest across the bottom tip of Wisconsin and quickly made our way into Minnesota. To my surprise, our feeding changed from bland deer. Carlisle pointed out the variety of meals, such as bison, black bears, bobcats, mountain lions, elk, foxes, and wolves. It was just over a mountain range when we spotted two mountain lions lying below in the ravine. His steady hand pointed in the direction as my eyes followed. I could see the two animals soaking up the sun on a large rock. It was a beautiful sight seeing the two creatures inches from the cliffs edge. They stretched their slender limbs twisting and turning to scratch their backs. The scenery alone was breath taking. It was as if my meal had been laid out for me and teased me from below. Quietly, we zigzagged down the said of the mountain. The lions seemed completely unaware. He told me in his thoughts to go right as he went left, one for each of us. He told me to be prepared because it would be my best meal yet. I visualized an earlier experience he had had so I knew to expect them to fight back. I was excited by the thought and licked my lips in anticipation. I did as he said and he was right. I fell in love with the mountain lions blood. It was so sweet and thick. I felt the warm liquid slide down my burning throat. The sensation created a tingle throughout my cold, hard body. _Exquisite_. The creature tasted so much like a human I had to look down to be sure I had not made a mistake. Carlisle smiled as be backed away, leaving the carcasses for the birds.

"Told you." He said as I wiped my mouth. I was almost as good as Carlisle when it came to feeding, but not quite yet. I was satisfied for the moment, but already hoping to find another mountain lion just so I could experience the sweet sensation all over again. We continued over the ridge heading into North Dakota. He was right, I thought about feeding all the time or how my throat burned. Either way, without his stories I could see myself going mad from the thirst.

North Dakota served the same type of meals as Minnesota and I would soon learn that most of the upper states had the same animals roaming their lands. I would be pleased since the mountain lions were not being attacked by the human soldiers like bison were. Carlisle taught me not to feed on the endangered species. We did feed on one just because nothing else was near and he thought I should know what they tasted like. They tasted slightly bitter and reminded me of the moose I had for breakfast. I told Carlisle I would prefer sticking with cats in future. He chuckled shaking his head.

"You should be so fortunate that mountain lions are thick in these parts, so we will be feeding on many mountain lions. It's good to know your preferences. It will help keep your appetite from humans at a lower risk." He smiled waving me to continue with him. I like that part. _Mmmm, mountain lions._

In a small camping area, Carlisle showed me a map of Montana, which we had just reached that morning. Ft. Peck Lake, about mid way across the state was our next destination. We stopped along the way a few times, just briefly. Carlisle hated traveling so the breaks help keep him sane. I would feed during those times while he propped himself against a tree with his books.

That night we reached the lake and set a small fire. I could hear humans on the other side of the lake and Carlisle eyed me carefully. _Stay close_, he thought. I nodded before I went looking for my meal. Unfortunately, no mountain lions, but the black bear I ran into sufficed.

"Carlisle?" I said walking back into our camp.

"Yes, Edward?" he closed the book laying it to the ground.

"What if these," I paused, "Denali's, what if they don't like me?" I shrugged.

"Oh, believe me, they will love you Edward. Three girls in the mountains utterly alone? No, they may drive you crazy more than anything." He chuckled going back to his book.

I sat thinking about what it might be like to meet a vampire girl. Carlisle stood quickly turning to face the darkness behind him. Of course, the darkness was not dark to our eyes, but I squinted my eyes as if I needed to. I could hear rustling coming quick, so fast, it was not an animal. I could smell something, but not sure what it was. It was their thoughts that alerted me to the guest heading our way.

"It's a male and a female." I said quickly. Carlisle nodded a thank you. "They're wondering why we are here." I continued.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here, Renee?" a voice said smoothly from the dark. I could clearly see the outline and face of the vampire. The female came out from behind him with a smirk on her face. Carlisle stood between us protectively. This was my first encounter with vampires beside Carlisle. I felt protective of him as well and took one-step forward lining up with him. Carlisle, the gentleman he is, smiled warmly at our visitors. I felt the danger in the air, their thoughts as they assessed us up and down. They were gauging whether they could take us or not.

"May we help you?" he said friendly. I noticed his fingers twitching to his side. He was preparing himself for an attack. I glared back at them already feeling the urge to attack myself. I was curious if they had powers too.

"My name is Sebastian and this is Renee." He cocked his head to the side eyeing us one at a time. Renee slowly took two steps towards me on the right as Sebastian took his two to the left. Carlisle and I watched them suspiciously. If they wanted a fight, I was ready. I had so much pent up energy I wanted to tear someone's head off.

The fire flickered behind us. It was dark here in the woods of Montana. Just us vampires out in the night while the humans slept peacefully in their homes just miles away. We could hear a faint noise from the party on the other side of the lake. They had no idea what lurked in the night so close by. Carlisle and I had ignored them for several hours, but now even I worried about them. I could see Sebastian and Renee register the noise as Carlisle and I becoming less interesting.

"My name is Carlisle Cullen, this is my son, Edward." He said trying to pull their attention back to us. He was such a martyr, or would that be saint? Knowing Carlisle, both. It was the first time I heard him call me his son. It distracted me for a moment as I struggled to remember my own father. The memories, already becoming faint. That bothered me and I immediately regretted burying my journal. Strangely, I liked it, but at the same time I didn't. Renee was very close to me now and Sebastian was right at Carlisle. We edged closer together but not reacting defensively, _yet_.

"Nice to meet you both." Sebastian slithered. It was obvious that he was up to no good. "Renee and I have been hunting this area for a long time and never had any trouble from trespassers." He emphasized trespassers titling his head back a centimeter, but enough for the reflection of the fire to glow in his eyes. They were bright red, brighter than mine. He fed on humans only. Carlisle and I was a threat to their meal across the lake. Wrong time, wrong place.

"We were just taking a moment to relax. We're heading to Idaho to meet up with some friends. Just staying a few hours before moving on." Carlisle lied. He was right, vampires could lie exceptionally well, but I'm sure they knew that as well.

The humans became louder as one screamed in excitement. Sebastian and Renee didn't take their eyes off of us for a second. They didn't even flinch. They were older than I, obviously, because everything made me flinch. If only the humans knew they were teasing two very thirst vampires they would keep it down, but they only became louder.

"Well, I can see we have ourselves a situation, Edward." He said without turning his face towards me. I kept my eyes on Renee who was within reach.

"Yes." I agreed having no idea what he was talking about.

It was silent for a moment, as everyone seemed to be waiting for the others. I could hear Sebastian planning his attack on Carlisle and Renee was thinking of me. She had no plan but to take me as her own. The thoughts revolted me.

"I don't think so." I spat disgustingly at her. Her eyes widened as she realized I had been listening to her thoughts. Sebastian didn't hesitate; he lunged at Carlisle's neck. I watched as Renee's face turned towards their fight and I reacted as well. I flew forward slamming her into the tree. She was shocked, shaking it off as she bounced to her feet. I was ready for her and I didn't care if she was a girl or not. In my new world, that didn't make a difference. We were all equally as strong, except for me, the newbie, I was stronger. I had my newborn strength still and took complete advantage of it. I could hear Carlisle telling me to tear her head off and pull her to pieces. He was struggling still with Sebastian himself and winning. I did as he told and easy manipulated her. It was fantastic that I could see her every move right before she did it. Within seconds I had tore her arms off. She screamed out in agony or whatever it was. I couldn't imagine vampires suffering real pain. I didn't want to find out either. I kicked her limp body back into the dark where her body smashed into a large bolder. With one foot on her chest. I took both hands and ripped her head right off of her shoulders. She turned an ashy gray and partly crumbled like dust. I watched amazed. Carlisle was finishing Sebastian off behind me.

"Bring her here." He shouted.

I collected the arms and head and threw them into the fire like Carlisle did with Sebastian. We grabbed the rest of their bodies and tossed them into the growing flames. Still, in the background, the human's voices echoed over the still water. They were lucky for now because we had saved them.

"I'm thirsty." I laughed half-heartedly.

Carlisle grinned, "Then we better get going before I have to throw you in the fire."

We started out jogging, but then he really started to run. I suppose he wanted space between me and the loud humans. It didn't take long for him to point out a mountain lion. I passed by him without even trying, running straight towards the creature.

_Sweet._


	15. Winter Wonderland

Chapter 15: Winter Wonderland

Idaho for Carlisle and I was like passing through a really small town. We entered and said hello and kept running right out the other side within an hour. Carlisle said Idaho had nothing of interest except a state full of nomads. Nomads, described by Carlisle himself, were blood sucking, low life creatures that have no souls or compassion for human life. I said nothing, what could I? I just kept running beside him as we passed through the very most north part of the state.

I was finding it more and more difficult to control my speed. I was so much faster than Carlisle. At times I wanted to just carry him piggyback through the states.

A week and a half had passed. We didn't run all the time, not that we couldn't. Carlisle, the hundreds of years old vampire he was, wanted breaks. I wanted to call him a baby or maybe a sissy, anything to get the old man going. I guess he noticed my impatience once we reached Washington State because he tried harder to keep my mind busy.

"I lived here several years ago. This is a wonderful state for vampires. It's rainy a large part of the year meaning cloud coverage. A wonderful place to have a family."

My eyes enlarged, "What?"

Carlisle chuckled with amusement.

"I'm just saying, Edward. Maybe some day we can find others like ourselves and be like a family. I've thought about this for a long time." I raised one eyebrow knowing he was serious about the length of time. He continued with a smirk, "would it not be enjoyable to have a brother or a sister? A mother figure where we could live along side the humans as I have done and be somewhat normal?"

I laughed aloud shaking my head at his absurd idea. A family, what was he thinking. I hadn't been a vampire for very long, but I thought the idea was about as impossible as turning back into human, not a chance in hell.

I stopped teasing as his mind visualized a small group living happily. I had to admit I liked the images, I just thought it was ludicrous.

_Finally_, Canada. I felt like we had made a mile marker of sorts even though we still had to head north up into Alaska. It would be getting colder, but since I was a cold creature to begin with I assumed I would not feel a thing.

We were crossing through the mountains of Canada in the far west when Carlisle had to take another of his old man stops. He joined me in hunting before finding a comfortable place under a red wood tree.

"Edward, before we get to Denali, I wanted to tell you a little more about the vampires we are going to visit. I'm not sure how long we will stay, but they are the closest thing I have to family." I straddled a fallen tree across from him as he continued. _Nothing like story time,_ I chuckled as he eyed me.

"Sorry, go on." I whispered chagrin.

"The sisters, Tanya, Irina, and Kate lost their mother and brother years ago when I was with the Volturi. We had heard that a woman, Sasha, had an immortal child, which was not allowed. The boy, Vasilii, was hidden from his sisters. They had no idea he existed. Sasha was afraid that when the Volturi came they would spare the girls, which is exactly what happened. They burned the mother and boy alive in front of the sisters." He said softly at the end turning his face from me. I could relate to his agony.

My head hung as I picked at the bark of the tree with my fingers. I could not help but think of poor Jenny and Henry and the deaths I had caused, or Mom and Dad. They had all lost their chance to live life longer. I felt the pain in my chest that did not really exist. The poor sisters must have been devastated.

The sun was setting through the forest. It shone down like a glorious light from heaven next to Carlisle. He stared up into the treetops as if something beautiful had captured his attention. I glanced up noticing a few colorful birds flying from one tree to the next. The leaves glistened from the sunlight in gorgeous orange, yellow, brown, and red. I had always loved this time of year, so aesthetically pleasing. Out of all the places I have been in my lifetime, this place was more spiritually profound than any other place I had seen. I closed my eyes briefly and allow my body to relax.

Carlisle kept his eyes on the bottoms of the treetops, "That was the final straw," his voice quivered sorrowfully, "that day, watching them burn alive. She wrapped her arms around her son with him in her lap. Their deaths were unnecessary. They had done nothing to harm anyone."

He sharply turned towards me, his voice solemn. I could see the hatred still lied deep within his soul. "I left the Volturi after that and wandered alone for several years."

He softened again, "I came back to Denali years later to check on the sisters. I felt such grief for them. They had moved on, but will never be the same again, nor will I." Carlisle stood as if he could tuck the memories away once again. He had allowed me to see his injured conscious. I felt sick seeing the memory through his eyes. Sasha had long black hair, red lipstick, and a beautiful long white dress on. I watched his memory replay. Sasha gripped the boy tightly pulling him into her chest whispering her love and adoration for him.

"Just look at me son. Look at Mommy's eyes. I am here with you. Just look at me." She kept saying as they began to grab at them. A young female Volturi watched from the sidelines. She was so young and beautiful, but was thoroughly enjoying the torture she was putting on them. The sisters screamed out begging for them to stop. Three large Volturi vampires held them by their arms as they were forced to watch. _So much chaos, so much sadness_.

I didn't want to see anymore. I closed my eyes pinching the bridge of my nose. I tried to ignore his thoughts. He stopped immediately, thinking of one of his books.

"I just wanted you to know, Edward, before we arrived at their home. I wanted you to know that you are not the only one in pain." He brushed his hand against my back gently as if to comfort me and signal that it was time to go.

I slipped my left leg over the edge of the tree trunk and followed him once again. We walked for a mile or two before breaking into a run. It was fascinating to watch the landscape change as we went. I could feel the cool air hitting my face. At first, it was gentle and soft, but the further we went, the sharper the air felt. Even my hard, leathery skin could detect the change in texture of the wind. Snowflakes began to fall as we neared the Alaskan border.

The inclines were getting steeper as more mountains rose in the distance. They were picturesque with beautiful white caps of snow swirling around them. Carlisle pointed out the snowstorm just beyond the mountains.

"We better get moving if we want to get around the storm." He said picking up speed.

"But I thought we were invincible? What's a snowstorm to a vampire?" I smirked.

"It will slow us down that's all. And we are not invincible, we're just really heavy duty creatures." He corrected.

We passed around the snow heading deeper west through the ravines and slopes. We didn't see one animal as we went through so it must have been one heck of a storm out there.

_Alaska._ The sign was covered three-fourths of the way with snow. Someone traveling would have missed the sign from the six feet high snow banks and white out. I had never seen this much snow, definitely not in Chicago. We had winds and we even had snowstorms, but this was an all out blizzard. Even I had to push against the gusting winds. No human could survive these below zero temperatures. The landscape had changed so much since our last stop back in Canada a few days ago. I remembered the beautiful trees and birds playing just above us. What two days running could do for a couple of vampires on the run. That's exactly how I felt too, like I was running from something rather than to something. I didn't tell Carlisle about that. He couldn't do anything for me. Like he said, I would be over it in good time, which was just how it was for vampires. It's our nature.

Denali was basically mid state, just past a large glacier covered mountain ridge that went on for miles. We followed the main route A1 until it changed to A3, taking us through the mountain ridge and into Denali National Park. I was truly impressed by the sights. The Denali coven was tucked nicely behind the snow capped mountains, with humans several miles away on the other side. Talkeeta was the closest town, which couldn't really count as a town by any standard, human or mythical. The passageway to get into the park was just a few thousand meters beyond Talkeeta. We were finally just miles from our destination and three lonely sisters all but deserted in the snow-covered mountains.

Humans blocked the main road taking us through the mountains. Apparently some trucker had decided to make his last trip and the whole tractor trailer slide of the road and dangled off the edge. Carlisle motioned for me to follow him up the side of the mountain. I sighed just wanting to get there already. Even now I was sick of traveling. At the top Carlisle stopped and I spotted the home nestled in the snow below. Smoke bellowed out of the chimney as a soft glow came from the windows. It was a small cottage off the beaten track. Carlisle smiled enthusiastically. I wiped the snowflakes from my eyelashes and cheek for the thousandth time and smiled back in relief.

"Beautiful." I whispered. We were up pretty high. I tried to look over the edge, but I was still several feet back. I took a few steps forward without thinking. My feet quickly sunk into the snow crust cap that I had thought was snow-covered ground. In reality, it was a snowdrift like the ones I remembered on the roof of our house. The wind would blow until a beautiful piece of snow sculpture would jut right off the ledge of the roof. I loved knocking them off in the winter. I tumbled down the side of the mountain at an amazing speed. I tried to right myself and start running, but the G force of my fall was more than I could correct. I hit every inch of my body as I screamed like a schoolgirl. The fall was so noisey I did not hear Carlisle falling behind me. I continued to scream at the top of my lungs until my body rested at the base of the mountain. Carlisle zipped pass and turned back around to see what damage I could have possibly caused.

Fortunately for me, I landed in a very deep pile of snow. I dug my way back out taking Carlisle's shaking hand. I looked up chagrin to see his wide smile. He laughed uncontrollably causing his hand to shake in mine.

"Ha. Ha." I said rolling my eyes. "You could have warned me." I sneered with a low hiss. I brushed the snow off my jacket shaking it out from under my shirt. I turned from him as I shook the cold, wet snow from my pants and sleeves. Carlisle continued to laugh behind me.

"Jerk." I muttered softly.


	16. Alaskan Beauties

**Chapter 16: Alaskan Beauties**

Our commotion alerted the sisters to our presence. I clearly heard their cabin's front door close quietly. They were whispering amongst themselves as they neared. Carlisle stretched his right arm up into the air and began waving, like we needed rescued or something. I took one long deep breath before releasing it back out from my chest. He turned half way looking at me still in amusement.

"You look fine, Edward. Relax." He smiled still thinking of my fall. I would not live that one down in a hundred years. I could only hope that the sisters did not see.

"Carlisle!" They squealed as they sped towards us. They crashed into his arms embracing him like a lost brother. I stood back a little shy and embarrassed.

Carlisle was not that much older than any of us, but he still carried this persona that he was so much older. In vampire years, most definitely, but he was frozen in time at an early age, mid twenties at my guess. I noticed one of the sisters eyeing me. Her thoughts pervaded over my beauty. Her eyes skimmed across my body head to toe. If I did not have the ability to hear her thoughts I would have blamed the fall, but it was all about me and my "lusciousness". All three of the girls were taking note of me. It was hard to manage all three voices in my head. I closed my eyes briefly, swallowing the oozing venom in my throat.

"Who's your friend?" one of them asked.

Carlisle patted me on the back with a warm, jovial grin, "This is Edward. As you can see he is still new to all of this, so if we can all be gentle with him." I knew exactly what he was saying. He wanted them to give me space and not hover or ask a thousand questions. I appreciated that. I had to admit, there were times that he drove me crazy. I wasn't used to him yet. I still wanted my parents and my human life back, but the thirst and his stories occupied my mind enough that I often forgot all about my human life, Jenny, Henry, Mom and Dad. I hated that I could forget them so easily. I was a monster now after all, so it should be expected.

"Edward, this is Kate." She extended her hand and I obliged with a gentle shake. My skin tingled from her touch and I jerked my hand from her. They all laughed half-heartedly. "She has a power too." Carlisle said. "Electrical shock." He chuckled. I wiped my hand against my shirt as if I could erase the tingling. The girls just eyed me even more, like I was their desert.

"And this is Irina." He continued. She too extended her hand, but I slid both of my hands into my pockets. Once more they just chuckled with chagrin.

"I'm gentle as a peacock on a Sunday." She smiled. Her hand still extended, I reluctantly slipped one hand out of my pocket and took hers. She was warm to my touch. That surprised me. I hadn't noticed before that we felt warm to one another, yet still so hard and cold.

The last girl, the most alluring one of them all took two steps around her sisters and planted her feet right in front of mine. She was tall like me. We were a perfect fit if going by physical features.

She smiled, "Hello, Edward." She whispered seductively while cocking her head slightly towards her shoulder. I was almost in a trance by the sight of her. I was satisfied to just look at her all day, but everyone was waiting. I extended my hand without even thinking and took hers. Another step forward and her body just grazed mine. I wondered if I should hug the girl, but she was no girl. Tanya was 100% woman. She had to be the oldest and probably Carlisle's age or more. Regardless, she was breathtakingly beautiful and obviously wanted me as her lucky charm.

"So," Carlisle broke my trance. "I guess you have room for two more?" he asked as they all started back. Tanya held her place for a few brief moments, her eyes looking deep into my soul. It was like she was looking for something. I waited succumbed by her presence, by her radiance.

Carlisle cleared his throat and the group began their way across the snow-covered field. Tanya and I walked together silently. I could see her look at me from time to time, but I refused to look back.

The cabin was not small at all. In fact, it was two stories high with balcony's overlooking the living area from above. I guess I expected girly stuff, like pink, fluffy pillows and collectible dolls. The centerpiece of the living room was definitely the gray stone façade fireplace. It stretched up the wall narrowing at the ceiling. A fire was already ablaze, not that they needed it. A large bear rug kept the hard wood floors warm to the touch. A wood table and chairs in the dining area was so thick it would have taken a handful of human men to carry it in. Small pictures were engraved into the edges of the table. Old oil paintings, at least fifty years old, hung in every room. Each painting had its own characteristics and design. They appeared to move through the centuries. A small piano in the corner sat untouched. A chello and violin were also propped neatly on their stands. A thin layer of dust coated the surface.

I felt slightly uneasy in my new environment. My mind quickly calculated every detail, including an escape route. Carlisle made himself at home next to the sisters in the living room. The girls seemed ecstatic to see him. They all spoke so quickly at the same time I wondered how he could maintain a gentleman's smile. He just nodded as if he heard everything, but it was impossible.

"So, what's up with" the smallest girl said. I glanced over, still standing in the dinning area admiring the art. They all stared at me as if they had never seen a new born before. Their thoughts slammed into me all at once and I cringed.

_He's so cute_, Kate thought. _I bet he looks even better with all his clothes off_, Tanya smiled. _I bet my sister's are going to go mad when he leaves_, Irina joked.

_Oh, for the love of all that's holy_, I begged silently. Why had Carlisle brought me to this snake pit? Sure, they looked friendly, but they also looked like they could devour me any second.

"He's my son." Carlisle said quickly, like a proud father. The girls snapped their heads in his direction like he had proclaimed me a leper.

"What?" they said in unison.

_Lovely_. I walked into the quiet kitchen as I listened to Carlisle explain my story. Yes, my parents are dead. Yes, I'm uncontrollable still. Yes, I need my space. Right? Like they were going to give me space. I hadn't been here ten minutes and I was already suffocating by their desires.

But regardless, I found this little cabin so homelike, relaxing. It was like I had held my breath for two weeks as we traveled and now I could take in deep breaths and breath again. I loved the cabin and all its charm. I loved the old paintings and the bear rug. The sudden sensation for more blood rose in my throat and I swallowed a little venom. That wasn't helping.

"Carlisle?" I whispered knowing he'd hear me. There really was no reason for a vampire to shout.

He excused himself from the girls, but I could hear their footsteps behind him. I rolled my eyes and pulled at my hair.

"I'm thirsty. May I go out alone for a bit? I feel like I need some….. some space." I clarified. Carlisle glanced over his shoulder at the three heads neatly stacked on top of one another. All six eyes peering into the kitchen. I smiled and waved before dashing out the back door. I wasn't waiting for an answer.

"Thanks." I whispered as I closed the door behind me.

The wind was whipping the snow around resembling a tornado. I reached my hand into the spiral and watched it dissipate. The trees crackled as they swayed in the wind. It sounded different here and smelled like, water. Everything was covered in ice and then snow dumped on top. It took me so long to catch any scent to follow. I did watch the ledges a little more feeling childish about the whole thing.

I think it was a wolf that I smelled. I followed it back into a small den. I would never fit without digging. I abandon that to search for something more appetizing. _Just my luck_. I caught the sweet smell of a mountain lion going further north. I followed in anticipation. Just the fragrance caused my throat to burn even more and I picked up my pace. I spotted him hiding under a large limb. He was nestled in the snow with his hind end sticking out. He was hunting as well.

I wasn't used to all this snow or pushing through it knee high. Even as a vampire I was not graceful about it in the least. I was still learning, as I was about to discover. The mountain lion flipped his body around so smoothly leaping forward instantaneously. He was lunging for my neck. It happened so quickly, but I responded just as fast. My cold hands easily slipped around his slender neck as we flew through the air. As if we were moving in slow motion, my back arched towards the ground with me holding him above me. His legs and arms spread apart and eyes wide with terror. I felt his fur in my fingers as we both fell to the ground, rolling back and forth. He struggled to get free, but my fingers dug into his soft tissue. Blood oozed through the fur as he whimpered in pain.

"Shh. Little fellow. This will be over before you know it." And I sunk my razor sharp teeth into his warm-blooded neck. It was more satisfying than any meal I had had so far. I didn't know why he tasted better, but the luscious scent lingered in my mouth afterwards. I refused to lick my teeth, allowing his blood to settle in the crevices of my mouth. Rustling in the trees transferred my attention from the dead lion. Uninterested to find out what lurked behind the trees; I headed back towards the cabin.

I heard her thoughts before I even reached the house. She was outside somewhere, waiting for me. I dashed through the trees quickly getting more used to the feel of the thick snow. She flew past me so quickly it was like she was floating in the air.

I paused.

"I'm not interested." I said in a calm, natural voice. I heard her movement halt before running towards me. She slowly appeared from behind a large cypress tree. She was remarkably beautiful. Her long strawberry blond hair danced across her shoulders, caressing her cheek and lips as the wind blew it. Tanya kept her eyes directly on mine as she stepped towards me. I stepped back slowly, once, then twice. She smiled devilishly stopping right before reaching me.

"I don't believe you." She whispered so softly only my super vamped ears could hear. Her lips, full and luscious teased me. Her eyes golden brown like Carlisle's. _Carmel_, I thought.

"I just got out of a relationship." I lied.

She smiled, "yes, a deadly one I understand." But I didn't appreciate the reminder.

"I think we better head inside." I urged taking a step towards the cabin. We were only a few hundred yards from it. I could hear Carlisle and other two girls inside.

She stepped forward grabbing my arm and pulling herself up next to me. I felt a tingling in the pit of my stomach as I swallowed a little more venom. I also tasted the leftover blood from around my teeth making my throat feel warm again. Her eyes shifted to my lips as she raised her hand slowly towards my face. I froze like a statue watching her. I took in a breath and held it. Her eyes rose to mine as her thumb ran across my lips.

"You missed a spot." She whispered as her thumb rubbed a smug of blood from the corner of my lips. "Mmm, mountain lion, my favorite." She said sexily. My whole body began to tingle as she placed the tip of her finger into her mouth sucking the blood from it. I closed my eyes thinking of Jenny. Oh, I wish she were Jenny. She was seducing me, right here in the middle of the snow covered forest and all I could think about was the girl of my dreams, my Jenny. I pictured her naked body in my head and then Henry. Henry had taken my love from me. I shook my head trying to forget again everything that I had done. I didn't want to feel the rage again.

I opened my eyes quickly to see the most attractive mythical creature I had laid my eyes on. She was here and she wanted me.

"Inside." I gulped trying to raise one foot in front of the other to go back inside. I felt vulnerable, but also highly sexualized.

"I like inside too." She said brushing her free hand across my pants. She pulled me closer again resting her entire body against mine. Unlike Jenny, I didn't need to look down. Her eyes met mine perfectly. My fingers twitched as I avoided direct eye contact. I thought if I looked at her I would be stuck in some trance, a slave to her forever. I looked at the snow, the cabin in the distance, and the trees behind us. I cursed at my feet for not moving as I had demanded. Now I was trapped in her seductive arms, wanting her just as badly.

"What are you afraid of, Edward." She said with her lips close to my ear. I shook my head not wanting to answer. I was afraid of her but too cowardly to admit it. Laughter from inside the house broke her concentration. I leapt forward and ran for the house like my whole existence depended on it.

I quickly closed the door behind me resting my body against the door. Carlisle and the other two sat at the kitchen table. They looked at me like I was a mad man.

Kate spoke with a high-pitched shrill, "Oh don't let Tanya ruin your visit. She's the original succubus so anything male is her target. Ignore her and she will eventually give up."

_Ignore her_, I thought. _Really? Is that at all possible?_


	17. Dreamlike State

Chapter 17: Dreamlike State

So I tried to ignore her the best I could. I could feel her watching my every move, even when she wasn't at home. I had brief lapses of time when I could enjoy a few moments of peace. It is fantastic here and I would consider staying forever if I wanted her as much as she wanted me. Yes, she is the most blindingly beautiful creature I've seen, including my little human Jenny, but she was now my past. Once I laid my hands on her naked body and slaughtered her to pieces, I damned myself to forget her forever. At least I would try.

My first full week at Denali ran like a cycle. I ignored Tanya the best I could and got to know the other sisters playing chess and other games. Tanya seemed jealous on the sidelines, but I could not help that. By the second week, Tanya was warming up to the idea that we could be friends. As attractive as she was, I had no love for her in my heart. It was pure lust.

The sisters were funny, intelligent, and charming. They seemed to love their life as vampires here in Alaska. It surprised me that they lived so normally. Irina loved to write about the wildlife in Alaska and published several articles in magazines and the newspaper. Tanya went to town regularly dressed to kill, but didn't. Kate was a magnificent artist painting the mountains and wildlife then selling them in town and Canada. Carlisle blended in with them like an old leather glove. I felt it too, but not as strongly. I had no skills to share with the human population or the desire to be near them, yet. I laughed and played board games with them by the fire, but there was still a tugging inside of me that I could not ignore. I was restless. This was not my home it was theirs.

They all had their own bedrooms, including beds. The rooms were like private areas for each one. Kate had a room of art supplies. Her window was much larger than normal. It looked out over the backyard and trees behind the house creating a perfect scenery for her canvases. I recognized the artwork immediately and could not help admire her skills. By the end of the first month I was up in her room with her painting. She showed me how to carry the strokes of the brush. My canvas looked childlike compared to hers, but it was enjoyable to be with her like that. She was like a sister.

Down the hall was Irina's room. She had so many books I knew her and Carlisle would be closer than the others. They did seem to gravitate towards one another. She had everything from Earnest Hemingway, very popular now, to Shakespeare. I thumbed through a few of the books selecting _Uncle Tom's Cabin_ from 1850. I had always heard about it, now was my chance since I just inherited so much free time. Irina had a window seat downstairs. I occupied it myself from time to time completing the book faster than usual. A few evenings she would come in and find me in her window. Without hesitation, she would curl up next to me with her own book. She would just smile at me warmly and go back to her book. She too was just like a sister. I felt more and more like Carlisle, fitting in perfectly. I wasn't sure if I could leave. Even Tanya and I became close after the second week.

It was quite unexpected how it happened, but I had gone upstairs to get another book. After I made my new selection, Shakespeare, I headed further down the hall to Tanya's room. Unlike the other rooms, stepping through Tanya's threshold made me feel like a spy. Like I had walked through an invisible shield that I would never escape. With one foot inside the doorway I looked down both ends of the hall before slipping in for a peek. Her room was more exquisite than the others. She had gone all out in decorating her space. Standing in her lavender painted walls I noticed all the fine details, from trinkets to jewelry. A satin scarf draped over her lamp dimmed the lights even more. A photograph of a human man sat on her nightstand. I pulled it up closer noticing his facial features, his brown hair, curly mustache, and extremely old clothing.

"Welcome to my room, Edward." She said from behind me. Her power must have been silence because I never heard her coming. I turned slowly to face her. She rested against the doorframe loving the idea that I had wandered into her private room.

She wore a thin blue dress that stopped just above her knees. It was tight fitting and a little dressier than needed for a cabin in the woods. All three of the sisters seemed to dress nice most of the time. Apparently they enjoyed making their own versions of clothing, more modern than I had ever seen. Tanya also enjoyed making jewelry. She was bare foot with a bracelet around her ankle. She followed my eyes down to her feet.

"It's called an ankle bracelet. I made it myself. I think I could make a lot of money if I sold them in town. No one has every seen a piece of jewelry like this." I nodded in agreement. It was cute, I'd give her that, but completely unnecessary.

She was looking at my hands when I realized I was still holding her photo. I placed it gently back on the stand. She looked sorrowful and I didn't want to pry. I decided it was best to just leave while I could.

"He was my husband." She said as I reached her at the door. I stopped not wanting to be rude. I didn't care about it, but I was curious. I read her thoughts. She was visualizing the man puffing his pipe at the kitchen table. Everything seemed to be predominantly black and white. That only made me more curious. It was obviously years ago by the settling.

"I'm sorry." I said realizing he was gone.

"It was a long time ago. It's how I became this." She said opening her hands gesturing the full-length of her body.

"You don't have to tell me." I said.

"I want to. I know your story, after all. Have a seat on my bed." She pointed back into her room to the untouched bed. I drug me feet not wanting to sit there. Teasingly she pushed against my back.

With her hands on my shoulders she shoved me onto the edge of the bed. I felt a little uncomfortable as she nestled next to me with one leg bent up over the ledge causing her knee to lodge into my hip. She was so comfortable with me I wish I could be the same with her.

She told me how a vampire attacked her and her husband one night as they closed their restaurant doors. He hit her so hard she flew down the sidewalk several yards and slammed into a light pole. I saw her unconscious on the ground as she continued her story. The vampire proceeded to kill her husband and then came for her too. Sasha, her mother figure, saved her. She tore the vampire apart and brought her to her home. It was so long ago, doctor's were far and few in between. Sasha changed her only to save her life.

Somehow, sharing a part of her personal life with me changed things between us. The next few months seemed easier. We were inseparable. She seemed, for the most part, to accept that we were only going to be friends. That said she could not change her flirtatious nature. She still enjoyed touching me and whispering fiendish thoughts into my ear. Like Kate reminded, I ignored most of it or laughed it off. We hunted together regularly and I finally got my golden eyes as the burning sensation tapered. _Thank goodness for that._

"Do you miss your human life?" she asked me as we hunted.

"Sometimes." I confessed.

"_Did you really love Jenny? Enough to marry her?"_ she thought.

"Yes. I loved her more than anything in the entire world when I was human, but" I paused. "Do you sometimes find yourself forgetting your husband?" I questioned.

"Yes. I have to think of him often or the memory will be gone. That's why I have a photograph."

"I'm forgetting what she looks like, and not just Jenny, everyone from my human life. My Mom and Dad, Henry. I wish I had a photograph too." I admitted. I thought about the journal. I should have kept it.

"So why don't you go back and get one. I'm sure you could still find one somewhere."

"The house would be sold by now. All our stuff sold or destroyed. I have nothing left except a small journal, but it's buried in the ground." I kept running at a slow pace hoping to find something soon.

"Ok. So lets go get it." She perked up. _An adventure with Tanya? Hmm. Not so sure about that_.

"Edward. I know what you're thinking, but it would be fun. Think of the fun we could have. We could see the sights along the way. Meet new vampires. We could just keep running." Her eyes lit up with excitement, but I had taken that trip already. There was nothing fun or exciting about it. I shook my head with a crooked smile.

"I'm sorry, I just can't. Been there, done that." I teased.

She ran beside me as I read her thoughts. There were jumbled as she tried to hide something from me.

"Tanya, Carlisle told me about the Volturi, not just what happened to you, but their laws too. Do they kill our kind very often?" I wondered.

"I never speak of the Volturi, Edward. But I would be willing to tell you everything I know in exchange for something."

Exchange. I could feel my muscles tense at the thought. She was very good at hiding her thoughts from me, but occasionally a thought would slip. The adventure she wanted came to mind.

"So if I go on this trip back to my home you will tell me all about the Volturi?" I watched as her eyes widened.

"Ok, how about I give you two alternatives and you _have_ to pick one." She said. "Oh come on, chicken." She laughed punching at my shoulder as we ran.

"Fine, I promise." What did I have to lose? I had forever anyway. She didn't say when I had to fulfill the promise.

We slowed to a stop as I heard rustling to our right. I listened to the animal as it breathed. It was something large, most likely a bear.

"Alternative one," she nestled on the ground in the snow crossing her legs like a girl scout. I smiled and chuckled as she became more and more excited. "We go get that journal and anything else to help maintain your human memories. Along the way I will gladly tell you all about the Volturi and anything else you want to know." I rolled my eyes. _She really wanted that trip_.

"Got it, alternative one, travel with a sexy vampire and get beat up." I laughed. It was true. I'd have to beat every human and vampire along the way to keep them from her. She should come with a warning label, _Sexy but Deadly_.

"So funny." she smirked. "Alternative two," she was so serious I could not help chuckling under my breath. Sometimes she was really cute. "You make love to me and _after_ I will tell you everything you want to know." She stared at me waiting for my response. I was no longer laughing. I stood in shock. I didn't' expect that one. It would be faster to pick the second alternative, but more Christian to select the first. I was a virgin still.

I shook my head in disbelief passing her on the ground to finish the hunt.

"What? You promised!" she shrilled.

I could hear her movements right behind me. She would not let it go. She kept questioning me in her head demanding an answer.

After I was finished hunting, I waited for her by the tree line. I could see her finishing a large wolf in the distance. She was so beautiful I couldn't believe I had not fell in love with her at first sight, or that I was refusing her. According to her sisters, they all loved the human men, but Tanya did not like rejection. Tired of waiting for her, I ran around her in a quick circle causing the light snow to kick up around her like snow dust.

"One." I whispered.


	18. Boundless Time

**Chapter 18: Boundless Time**

I feared a few things, one was explaining to Carlisle that I was going back home for a visit and taking Tanya with me. He would completely object and I had to concur. I had no idea why I had agreed to this, but I knew I would live long enough to regret it. I felt fairly secure with myself, that I could defend myself easily, but not so much from Tanya. I took down full-grown bears and mountain lions on a daily bases. But when it came to her, I was weak in the knees. Which leads me to my second fear, Tanya's overpowering seduction skills. She's had thousands of years to practice and I am but a young man with my own growing desires.

Carlisle was packing his medical bag when I came back to the cabin. I had left Tanya behind unable to rejoice with her in my decision. Deep down in the pit of my cold stomach it twisted and turned. I knew I was making a huge mistake, yet I ignored it. I knew better and could only hope my parents in heaven were not watching. I'm sure watching me kill poor Jenny and Henry had done its work on that. The view from Heaven no doubt closed that day from their never-ending tears.

"What is it Edward?" he asked. I stood questioning my decision. Maybe I should tell her I changed my mind.

"Are you going somewhere?" I asked shaking the thoughts from my mind.

"Yes, I'm heading into town to see if they need any doctors. I cannot hide out here any longer." He looked at me suspiciously. "What's on your mind?"

"Nothing. I'll talk to you later." I shrugged heading into the living room to find Kate curled up with a notebook.

Maybe I agreed to this trip because I was running out of things to do and tired of reading and painting like Carlisle. My eyes scanned the room nonchalantly. It was so silent in the house. For once, I just wanted some noise, besides everyone's thoughts. My eyes finally rested on the instruments in the corner. Someone had dusted them off recently because they shined.

"Kate, can I play the piano for awhile?" she nodded half interested while her pen continued to write.

I sat on the small wooden bench with my butt cheeks hanging off the backside. They needed a larger seat without question. My fingertips grazed over the ebony keys. I had played a little at church way back in first and second grade. A music sheet rested in front of me.

Without thinking about the letters I needed to play, I pressed down quickly letting my fingers take control. It was bad, really bad. Kate shifted her eyes up to me and thought very loudly, _your not going to play any more are you?_

Taking the hint, I removed myself from the piano. I eyed the cello wondering what it would be like to play it. I had no intentions on doing so, but Kate interpreted my pause as intentions to give it a try.

"Don't even think about it, Edward." She said in a stern voice. I could understand why Carlisle had found himself a career. What to do with all this time?

I think she must have felt bad because she pointed to the very large stack of instructional books on the wall. I had nothing else to do and Tanya wasn't back yet, so I grabbed one for the piano and refreshed my memory.

The next few days I became absorbed with the piano. I would play for several hours and give everyone a rest. I could play all day if I had the private place to do so. Tanya would sit next to me and run her fingers through my hair and down my back as I played. It felt good, but I knew I should discourage her.

Carlisle, Kate, and Irina had no idea Tanya and I had decided to leave. Carlisle did find a position at the Talkeeta Hospital so I knew he had no plans on leaving anytime soon. I was suspicious that he and Kate would eventually get together, but I could not get past his fatherly behavior towards us all. I hated leaving him, but I promised myself that it was only temporary. We would go and come right back. This was Tanya's home and I could not picture her anywhere else.

We let a few months pass, but Tanya urged that I just tell him so we could go. It would be spring in the states, a beautiful time to be traveling. I had promised after all, so I asked Carlisle to go hunting with me one night.

"I need to talk to you privately." I said, so we met at the backdoor just as the sun set.

"So what is it?" he asked starting towards the mountains. It was ironic that we hunted this direction tonight since it was the only path out of Denali.

"Tanya and I are going to take a trip together." I said squeamishly.

"You and Tanya?" he questioned. I could see him sifting through his memories of the two of us. It was obvious that we had become close, but for me I still considered her a close friend. I did not take her sexual comments or comforting touches personal. Tanya was just like that with men, all men except Carlisle.

"We were talking about human memories. I have almost lost all of mine. I want to retrieve my journal and see if anything can be salvaged from my home area." I explained.

"I'm not sure if that's safe, Edward. Are you sure you can control yourself? What if you run into humans? He questioned.

"Tanya will be with me. I think I can handle it. Besides, we are coming right back." I reassured him. I felt like I was trying to justify my reasoning, but honestly, I was still trying to convince myself.

"I won't stop you, but I am worried." He stopped running so he could place one hand on my shoulder, "Just remember I am always here for you, no matter what."

He was right to be worried. My adventure would be more than I counted on, but it was too late for that. Tanya and I packed lightly, each taking one bag, just as Carlisle and I had done before. We headed out two days later. Kate and Irina held one another closely watching our backs disappear over the snowcapped mountains of Denali. I had to admit, I kind of felt like I was leaving home too. I had learned to play the piano while I was there, developed new friendships, and formed a fatherly relationship with Carlisle. Tanya never looked back, but I had too. The small cabin nestled in the snow just like I remember it the first day. The smoke bellowed out from the roof with the trees surrounding the area. _Picturesque_.

"Let's go." She whispered taking my hand.

We ran south all the way into Canada the first day. Tanya seemed pleased to be out of Alaska. For loving her home she was elated to see the blooming flowers and green trees. She commented several times pointing out different types of trees and flowers. She told me it had been years since she'd seen spring. I was glad to be with her as she experienced it again. I watched as she touched the green silvery leaves and smelled the flowers. She held a smile for the longest time absorbing all the smells and memories of the last time she was out of winter.

I was taken by her already. She was so beautiful I didn't know how long I would be able to resist her. I was so virtuous in my human years I was not sure if I could maintain such moral excellence as a vampire. Everything in me seemed so passionate one way or another. I couldn't make up my mind if I was damned to hell or not. With my virginity still in my pants, I ran with her hoping for a favorable ending.


	19. Mythical Creatures 101

**Chapter 19: Mythical Creatures 101**

We kept pace through Canada and into the states. We fed no differently. Just before we left Washington State into Idaho we found a group of young boys cliff diving. The inlet was a horseshoe shape with beach below on one side. Tanya and I watched from the opposing cliffs.

"Vampires are excellent swimmers." She said. "We need no air and we move faster under water than we do above ground." We watched as the boys disappear from the beach below. They were loud carrying on with one another. Not a care in their world.

"Let's go give it a try. You need the experience." She smiled wrapping her hands around my biceps and pulling.

She promised adventure, so I went with her to the other side. I stood by the edge feeling the sea breeze move through my bronze hair. She wrapped one arm around my shoulder looking at the sun setting over the water in the distance.

"Beautiful isn't it?" she beamed.

I smiled slipping from her arm running backwards and then forwards. I flung myself as far out into the open space bringing both arms up and over my head. Like an arrow I slid right into the water like a fish. She was right, that was fantastic. Under the water, I could see perfectly clear. I swam with great speed heading out into the bay.

I met her back at the beach ready to do it again. This was one of the best parts of being a vampire. I was no longer an inept human, fearful, fragile.

"That was really awesome." I said dripping wet on the beach. She took my hand and leaned against my chest. Water trickled off my hair and down my neck. She smiled broadly placing her hands behind both of my ears.

"Tanya." I whispered closing my eyes. She knew what was coming and released me immediately before I could reject her.

"One day Edward Cullen, one day you will be mine." She said turning her back from me. All I noticed was the name, _Edward Cullen_. It was the first time anyone had called me that. _Edward Cullen, _I thought again. It was so strange to hear it out loud.

Idaho was a breeze and we kept moving east. We were making better time because Tanya hated stopping unlike Carlisle. I agreed, just one more thing we had in common. We kept moving as my anxiety grew. I wanted to see my home again, but also feared what memories may arise.

We weren't in Montana very long when we ran into a group of vampires. They eyed us as we came down the dirt path used by hikers. They were dressed in tattered clothing and had bright red eyes. A few were definitely newborns. Four men and three women stood waiting on both sides of the trail. They were barefoot and unkempt.

"I think I've died and gone to heaven." One said ogling Tanya as she passed. She whipped around hissing furiously in their direction. I stood between them hoping this would not end badly. The rest of the vampires came in close making a circle around us. _It would end badly_, I thought. Their minds were very reckless, all of them extremely thirsty. They were hunting and we had disturbed them. Most didn't care about us, but followed the others, hissing and growling. This pack was very intense and uncontrollable. The male agitating Tanya desired her, visualizing her in their pack.

"What's your name?" he asked her ignoring my arm against his chest. I felt very protective of her. She did not want him. She growled lowly showing the tips of her teeth. He laughed pushing my arm away and reaching for her.

"Step back!" I shouted firmly inching forward wedging myself between them again.

I thought we had a chance to get out of this still until he grabbed me by the shirt and tossed me into a thick tree. It took me a moment to gain composer. I would have to practice my fighting skills if we made it out of this alive. Tanya cried for me as he wrapped his arms around her. She fought biting and clawing at his arms. She was tough; I knew she would not go down without a fight. The large circle shifted blocking me completely from her.

I am a vampire, I told myself. I am invincible, and I lunged over the crowd flying through the air and tumbling onto the unsuspected vampire holding her. He glared at me as he rose from the ground. The growls were load as they formed their circle once again. My victory was short because there was no one the two of could win. The vampire who I had just attacked was definitely the leader. They all cheered him on as Tanya and I stood back to back twisting and turning to see our predators.

"I think you better move along little boy." He spat pointing in the direction we were heading.

"First of all, I am not a little boy. Second of all, you need a whole pack of vampires to win _your_ battles. I would never be so cowardly." I laughed. I felt Tanya's fingers twist into mine and squeeze. She was scared too.

I shook my head feeling the rage disperse throughout my body. I would not let them destroy her or take her from me, not today, not ever. I hissed and growled spitting at the path under my feet. He was considering my words. He knew I was right.

"You and me then." He said waving the others to move back.

"I win, you leave us be and head the opposite direction and never consider attacking us again for a thousand years. You win, well, we know exactly what that will mean." He smiled feeling a sudden confidence that he could take me. The truth was he was weak. He used the pack to fight his battles. The only thing he had was leadership skills. I might have been new at this myself, but I had already killed one vampire on my own and she was just as weak as he. I would break his little body into two and think nothing of it.

We separated like two boxers waiting to fight. Simultaneously we charged towards one another. Tanya watched helping me with her thoughts. I blocked everyone else in my head hearing her soft voice loud and clear. The sadistic pack cheered their leader on in vein.

_Left arm up_, she thought. I mimicked her words perfectly and raise my left arm hitting him in the neck knocking him to the ground. I saw his every move before it even happened. He swung his leg around to trip me as I leapt into the air. _Yank his arms out of their sockets,_ she screamed in her head. I charged again as he got back to his feet. We twisted together with our arms wrapped around one another. He pushed at my face as I grabbed his arm and twisted it from its socket. He cried out in agony. Shoving him to the ground I grabbed the other arm resting my foot on his back and yanked with all my might. His group growled and inched forward.

"Get back!" Tanya screamed vilely.

The battle was almost over and I felt confident that I could finish this. Without arms, he was defenseless. I grabbed his head pulling it up closer to me. His eyes wide with fear.

His group suddenly went wild and dispersed in a variety of directions. I looked at Tanya; she stood frozen with wide eyes looking just over my shoulder. I felt a hot breeze hit my back as I turned my head slowly. A dark shadow cast on the tree next to me caused me to drop the sadistic vampire in my hands to the ground and turn swiftly to face another fictitious demon of sorts.

It was the largest wolf I had even seen, human or mythical. Tanya seemed just as surprised. A deep raspy growl escaped through its sharp teeth. I had to lean my neck back just to see it hovering over me. He sniffed at me and then sneezed, splattering his snot all over my shirt and arm. I looked back at Tanya who still stood frozen in disbelief. Her mind completely blank.

I took one slow step backwards before turning to run. Maybe it was a bad idea, but I figured I could try to outrun it. I grabbed Tanya by the arm and we were gone. I heard his heavy paws hitting the ground, but he was not chasing us. He was just making sure we kept going. A sharp howl let me know never to come back.

We reached a small creek several miles away and I stopped. Tanya finally thawing laughed with relief. I joined her letting out a deep sigh. The wolf's boogers still clung to my cotton shirt. She looked at me in disgust.

"What? It's not mine." I laughed teasing her.

"That is the most disgusting thing I have seen in a thousand years, Edward." She said as I shimmied out of my shirt. I tried not to touch the wet goop.

"The wolf or the boogers?" I asked.

"Hmm. Both." She smiled.

I tried to wash it out in the creek, but it didn't want to come off. I would scrape it from one side to the other, and then tried rubbing it onto the rocks. _Revolt_i_ng_, I kept thinking to myself. Tanya was sitting under a tree the last time I had noticed. The trees opened up over the river allowing the sunlight to shine through. My back sparkled from the sunlight creating a dazzling array of lights. It reminded me of lightning bugs, just during the day.

Her thoughts broke my attention as she neared. She was being provocative again. I felt her fingers slid down my back in a circular motion. I followed my earlier instruction to ignore her advancements. I had done that over the months the best I could, but it wasn't easy. I continued to wash the giant wolf drool from my shirt.

Between her mischievous thoughts, her fingers on my back and sides, and the relentless wolf drool, I felt overwhelmed. So I decided to abandon the shirt and find a new one in my backpack. Digging around, she now fondled my hair.

"Ok" I said raising back up with a clean shirt between my fingers. _Ignore her_, I said over and over. I didn't want to be rude, but I also liked the feel of her. I felt trapped between what was right and what felt good.

"I think you should leave it off for a while. I like you sparkly." She smiled turning me to face her. We stood on the edge of the riverbed balancing on the rocks.

"Tanya. Nothing has changed between us." I tried not to process the smoothness of her hands as they rubbed over my chest and around to my sides. Her eyes pleased at the sight of my bare skin. I listened to the sound of the river gurgling beside us and felt the warm sun on my skin.

"Tanya, please." I begged feeling the sensation of her warm fingers against my chest, my sides, and my back. She kissed at my collarbone waiting for approval. I swallowed the venom pooling in my throat. My eyes closed as I groaned. I hoped that she would not misinterpret that as a signal for her to move forward. It felt wrong to be doing this. I wasn't raised this way. I hated Jenny and Henry for this very thing and destroyed them. I had to practice self-control regardless of her beauty. Regardless of her sweet, caressing touch. _Not like this, not here, not now_.

I would _try_ to maintain dignity, some virtue, regardless of what I had become.

"We are all damned to hell anyway." She whispered into my ear. If my heart could beat again it would be racing. I couldn't seem to grasp any form of thought. My muscles tensed and the air in my throat panted. If I looked into her eyes I would fall into her trance so I closed them tightly and begged for relief. But she pressed against me tightly wrapping her hands up and into my hair. Her lips made their way around my neck, over my chin and to my lips. I gasped allowing the tingling sensation to reach every part of my stolen body. I was helpless in her hands unable to move or think. She slid her hands down my back and into my back pants pockets. She pressed her fingers into my skin pushing my pelvis against hers. I groaned grabbing at her back and pressing harder. My lips now pressed to hers and taking her as mine as well. I had lost.

Before I knew it we were on the ground rolling in the grass. I straddled her body on the ground swooping in to kiss her neck and collarbone. I left her blouse buttoned trying to take control of the situation. My mind raced as I begged my body to stop. My hands ran across her arms, down her side, and over her thighs. She moaned stretching her neck back further and opening her lips. She continued to seduce me wiggling around underneath me reaching for her blouse buttons. I grabbed her fingers and held them tightly. With my forehead resting onto hers, I drew in a breath.

"No Tanya, we have to stop this." my voice unsure and weak. I rolled away from her giving us some distance. My entire body tingled and I considered rolling back over and doing it again. I forced my body to the tree line as I slipped my new shirt on. Being with her sometimes was harder than my newborn weeks. It was just as intense. I knew the next time I would not be able to reframe from ripping her clothes off and taking her, so I would have to work hard to avoid these situations. She knew I was fragile and continued to slowly wear me down. There was no reason for me to believe that this would be the end to her seductive ways. I suddenly realized why this trip was so important to _her_; she had me all alone for the taking.


	20. A New Beginning

Chapter 20: A New Beginning

She was angry. She wanted me so badly, but again I had rejected her. Over and over I denied her the pleasures that she so needed. Out of all the vampires, it was me she wanted. I worried because I knew she would eventually win.

Silence never felt so cold. We ran for hours without a word. She would get over it, I was sure. Otherwise she would have abandoned me. The next two days were fairly quiet too. I was learning quickly that Tanya didn't warm up very easily. It bothered me that she expected to have everything her way. _Just like a woman_. Did she not understand compromise? I actually considered just sleeping with her to make her happy, but that was for the wrong reason. I still did not love her therefore, it wasn't right. I guess I did have some kind of feelings for her because I felt very protective, but I didn't know her like I knew Jenny. Maybe in time I could learn to love her. I was aggravated with myself for wasting so much time thinking about it.

I apologized a hundred times over just to bring peace between us. She sure knew how to pout.

By the time we reached Wisconsin she was talking to me again. We played around as we traveled, like hide-n-seek, which ended with her piggybacking a few miles on my back. I was just glad to see her smiling again.

All in all, we made the trip in a week and a half. I led her to the old farmhouse first, anxious to see it again. We walked up the dirt path as I tried to conjure up some memories. In my mind I could see Mom in the kitchen baking and Dad in the field. When we reached the top of the path I stood staring at the farmhouse now occupied by a new family. They wasted no time. Like their ghost haunted the land, I saw Dad in the field and Mom walk right past me. Tanya slipped her hand around my arm.

"Are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost." She said quietly.

"Just two." I replied following my mother towards the barn. I was interested to see what her ghost was up to. Tanya followed along without a word.

Just as I slipped into the barn door she disappeared. It must have been a memory of mine that was left over.

"What is it?" Tanya asked, curiosity in her voice.

"My mother. She was just here."

"Edward, she's gone." She squeezed my arm tighter as if to comfort me. I felt the sad pain of finding my father as I looked at the back stall.

"It's ok." She whispered rubbing her hand on my back. I felt rage as I remembered our last hours together, the good ones. I wish I had known they would be my last happy hours. I would have done things so differently.

We both turned our heads as we heard a small voice outside the barn door. A little girl giggling as she chased a butterfly. Her father was laughing along.

"At least the farm went to a family. A good family." I said softly into her ear. I glanced at the barn one last time satisfied to be done with it.

"Maybe we should come back another time." She urged. I nodded agreeing, but had no intentions of returning. I didn't want to scare the new family or have any accidents happen. It was best to just move on, but I didn't bother telling Tanya that. I went to the side of the barn and peeked through the wooden slats. I wanted to see the girl for myself. She bounced around in a spring dress, long straight brown hair, and green eyes. She had little dimples in her cheeks as she smiled widely at her father. I watched as they played together for several minutes. _A good family_, I thought again before slipping out the other side of the barn and disappearing. Tanya followed closely behind me allowing me to lead.

The graveyard was next on the list. I wanted to retrieve the journal while I still remembered.

"So, what's it like being back home?" she asked skipping alongside of me.

I smiled, "Strange. Not sure if I want to be here." I admitted.

"I bet you had a favorite spot, a hideaway." Her eyes lit up exaggerating her words into excitement.

"No." I lied.

"You're a bad liar." She laughed but let it go. The last place I was visiting was the pond.

The graveyard hadn't changed. No new bodies added since the last time I had been here. It smelled like fresh cut grass and flowers. My parent's graves now washed over by the rain and the new spring covered it with grass. My headstone, still right between them, held my journal. All the notes and memories I had scribbled along with the sketches of my family and friends. My human life was in there. I sat down over my grave holding my head in my hands. Tanya waited close by, giving me some space. I let my memories wash over me. After a few moments, I began to dig with my fingers. I was almost there when I stopped. I stare at the small hole, feeling like I was trying to be something I was not. I looked back at my headstone. Etched into the limestone rock I read my human name, Edward Anthony Masen. A good son of Elizabeth and Edward Masen followed by my birth and death. _He's dead_, I thought. He died right along with my parents. The headstone proves it. I shook my head quickly pushing the dirt back into the hole. I felt Tanya's cool fingers on my shoulder.

"What are you doing?" she asked in a strange voice. It wasn't like she was asking me what I was physically doing, but in general what was happening to me. I patted the dirt down and climbed back to my feet. I couldn't look at her. I couldn't tear my eyes from my headstone.

"I'm dead." I said. "I'm not Edward Masen, I'm Edward Cullen." I finally turned to her. She looked so sorrowful. "That journal doesn't belong to me anymore. It's his." And I pointed to the headstone.

"Edward, don't be so melodramatic." She curled her fingertips around my chin pulling my face back to hers. "It's just a journal darling. Take it if you want it."

"No Tanya, you don't understand. The day Carlisle changed me the human Edward died. I cannot cling to my human life or I will never be able to move forward. I have to let go." And I could see that she understood. She nodded wrapping her arms around me to comfort me. I had finally made the break from who I was to who I am. I felt relief and no longer sadness. It was like a thousand bricks taken off my chest. As hard as it was for me to get to this place, I felt free to leave now, to be whoever I wanted to be.

We slowly walked out of the graveyard. Tanya wrapped one arm around my waist, her fingers twisted with mine. _Maybe it's time I give her a chance_, I thought, and leaned over and kissed her cheek. She smiled knowing it was my new beginning. That was good for her because she was in it.

We ran all night with a new feeling of happiness. We were playful and mischievous. I tagged her and she would chase back. We hunted, but it was different than before. There was more life between us. This was the adventure that she had longed for. She was beautiful before, but somehow, with the shackles of my human life no longer dragging me down, I could see the sparkle in her eyes, the sweet laughter rising from her chest. She was magnificent and I had washed a gray layer of depression over my eyes so that I had been half blind this whole time. Edward Cullen had rose from the ashes as a sparkling new creature.

"I'm proud of you." She said straddling my lap. We stopped under a shade tree somewhere in Indiana. The sun was now setting and we were not making any plans or major progress. I leaned my back against the tree and sat Indian style. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders leaning in for a kiss. It felt like it was our first kiss even though it wasn't. I curled my lips around hers and sighed a breath of air through my nose. She giggled still keeping her lips on mine.

"That tickles." She laughed.

"Tickles? I'll give you tickles." And I rolled her off my lap and tickled her sides as she screamed out in laughter. She rolled back and forth pushing against my chest so I would stop, but I refused. I discovered just above her knees was her tender spot as she squealed out loud.

"Ah, ha. I found the spot." I laughed showing no mercy.

"Edward!" she cried out unable to control her shaking and laughing.

I gave in falling to the ground next to her. The night sky was lit up with thousands of bright stars. The crescent moon hung just over the treetops. It was a beautiful night to be with someone.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked draping one arm over my chest and played with my shirt buttons.

"How beautiful the night sky is, but dull compared to you." _That should impress her_, I thought.

She smiled.

"What are we going to do next?" she asked.

"Actually. I was thinking about college." I looked waiting for her expression. She leaned back looking at the stars. She was silent for a few moments as I listened to her ponder the idea. I knew her decision before she even spoke.

"I'm glad you agree." I said with a grin. I lay on my side with her still beside me on her back. I swirled my fingertips down her cheekbone and over her lips. I noticed her eyes staring intently at my face as I followed my fingers down her neck and towards her chest. I fanned out my hand letting it glide down her side and stop at her hips. She gasped, but laid waiting. I knew what was on her mind, literally, but I had no intentions to do that. I was in no hurry. I hoped that I would not make her angry, but I went ahead and leaned down and kissed her once more bringing my hand back up and resting on her chest. She turned slightly towards me as we kissed.

I released her quickly jumping to my feet and I saw the disappointment in her face.

"So what college?" I said as if nothing had happened between us. I felt like I finally had control of the situation for once. I was used to her seductive ways and could now control my eagerness to be with her sexually. A few more days wouldn't kill her. If she could wait a little longer, then I knew it was the right decision.

"That wasn't nice, Edward Cullen." She smirked, but I knew she was playing.

"I know." I laughed and pulled her onto my back. "How about northern New York? I bet they have nice colleges." I said in a wondering voice.

"Why not?" she shrugged, "I've never been this far east. It will be an _adventure_," she leaned down with her lips caressing my ears, "with you my love."

I sharply turned my head and gave her a peck kiss before dashing off into the woods with her still on my back.

We headed northeast towards New York to find us a place of our own. And if I had it my way, we would get a cute little house, attend college for a while, and live our life as a couple. It's what she wanted after all. The only thing that still worried me was being in contact with humans, but thankfully I had Tanya who was a pro at that. If she could do it, so could I….._with practice_.


	21. Money, Money

**Chapter 21: Money, Money**

I told Tanya about my desire to be a doctor or a lawyer. I couldn't make up my mind. I kind of leaned towards medical, but wasn't sure if that was best anymore, not now that I was a vampire. Of course, I saw Carlisle flawlessly attend to humans daily, but he had hundreds of years of practice. It was like he had his own special gift. Me on the other hand, I still struggled with the newness.

We stopped to hunt just over the Pennsylvania line. We found a family of deer to satisfy our burning.

"I know you mentioned New York, Edward, but considering you want to be a doctor or lawyer, I think maybe you should consider Dartmouth College. I can go for business to sell my jewelry and you can do your doctor thing." she said throwing the carcass into the bushes.

I sighed, "Well, I'm not so sure about that. As I said before, Carlisle may be able to do that, but I can see myself sucking the life out of my patient at the first glance." I chuckled, but was quite serious.

"You have to have more confidence, darling. I bet you can handle yourself just as well as Carlisle. You are his son after all." She smiled.

"Son." I repeated with eyebrows raised. The venom had slowed and I felt full. I washed my hands and face in the nearby creek. Just a natural human instinct still lingering I was sure. I didn't make a mess of my meals anymore and was glad about that.

Tanya flashed to my side hugging me gently and then surprised me with a sweet kiss. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. It was all her fault that I was so content to do whatever.

"Ok, so where's this Dartmouth located?" I agreed. She smiled resting her chin in the crevice of my neck.

"New Hampshire. It's beautiful. I attended college there a hundred years ago. It was established way back in 1769. It's a private school, but one of the best in the country. I'm surprised you hadn't heard of it by now." She said still clinging to me. I wrapped my arms around her holding her close. It felt good having her warm body next to mine. I kissed at the top of her head getting a few hairs caught in my mouth. I heard her giggling.

Pulling back I smiled at her affable face. We kissed as we had done many times over the last days since my metamorphoses back home. My hands would slide up into her hair holding her head to my face as our lips tingled to the touch. I was feeling more and more like we belonged together. She must have been right the whole time.

When we finally gained composer again, I discovered our bodies twisted together on the ground. Untangling with a little laughter, we were on our way to Hanover, New Hampshire. I would attempt to get a medical degree while she focused on business. If we were successful, it sounded like a beautiful marriage would ensue.

_**New Hampshire:**_

When we arrived Tanya took the lead again. I could see a small home nestled in the woods all boarded up with a sign reading no trespassing. She just smiled pulling me along.

"What are you up to?" I asked.

"Just follow me. It's a surprise."

Back in the woods off the beaten path we stood in front of the very home she had visualized. She yanked the old ply wood pieces from the front door twirling her right hand in circles while extended her left towards the entrance.

I stepped into the quaint home noticing the covered furniture, the light fixtures dangling from the ceiling, and the familiar pieces of artwork hanging on the wall.

"This was once my home." She said following behind me as I took in all the details. "Like I said, my sisters and I were here a hundred plus years ago. We all attended Dartmouth, just for something to do. We went to Alaska after that and never came back."

I could see the memories of their time here as they raced through her mind. She was dressed formally in plain gray clothes. Her hair pulled up into a bun. She was completely different now. She was colorful, bold, and full of life. I wondered if I had anything to do with her happiness now.

She led me upstairs to her old bedroom. I noticed the brand new bathroom never used and the wood floors barely worn.

"Did you build this home when you came here?" I wondered.

"Yes, Kate designed the entire house. Irina and I decorated. It was a blast." And again I saw them in their excitement. It had been a new experience for all of them. Tanya had several advantages that I did not. She was much older, had many more experiences, and was used to humans.

"But how do we pay for college?" I inquired. The thought had never crossed my mind. She just grinned pulling me through her bedroom door.

"Tanya?" I objected but she smacked my chest playfully.

"Oh Edward, and you think all I do is seduce you. Get your mind out of the gutter." She teased.

She pulled out the bottom drawer and reached up under the drawer above that one. I heard a tearing sound just before she pulled out a long, thick piece of cloth. It was brownish in color from aging. She unraveled the cloth and exposed a wad of cash. My eyebrow rose.

"And why do you have a wad of cash hidden in your sock drawer?" I joked.

"There's more where this came from. When you've lived as long as we have, you need some cash lying around. Don't worry; I have more in the bank and some with a friend. In fact, I need to check and see if he's still alive. And that's not to mention the other locations here on the property." She shook her head answering her own statement, of course he wasn't alive, it's been a hundred plus years. I didn't bother asking where that money would have been. She seemed to have everything in order. What she held in her hand was more than enough for our first payment at Dartmouth.

"Well, we will have to wait for fall, but sign up is now so we're just in time. We can get the house cleaned up and go tomorrow if you like." She looked at me closely. "And maybe we better go into town and get us some new clothes. You need to practice human contact anyway."

"Why I'm heartbroken." I teased, "You don't like my rages?"

"Oh, I like them better on the bedroom floor. Let me give you a hand." And she pulled at my tucked in shirt. I backed grabbing at her hands playfully.

"Step back, woman. Don't make me hurt you." I smiled pushing her back gently.

"Ooh, threatening me Mr. Cullen. I think I like the sound of that." she pounced on me pushing me to the floor. I stopped fighting her as her hand slipped through my torn shirt while the other grazed through my now greasy hair. We both needed baths, but right now neither one of us cared.

_**If you've read this far, I would appreciate some type of review.**_

Scale of 1-10

1- it sucks, I have no idea why I'm reading this!

10- is this Stephanie Meyer? (I don't expect any 10's so don't be lying! LOL)

_**Thanks! My goal is 100**_

V4E 


	22. Putty In Her Fingers

**Chapter 22: Putty in Her Fingers**

I was excited about my new life. I had a wonderful woman, a college career about to begin, and a home to live in. I was seething with excitement, yet disappointed that I had to wait so long for classes to begin. I thought about everything Tanya and I could do until then and the disappointment quickly dissipated.

With our super speed, the house was livable within an hour. We headed into town to do our much needed shopping. Tanya loved being in town with the humans, but loved shopping even more. She picked up some jewelry supplies before we headed to the clothing store. It was a beautiful area just as she had said. The green lush trees full of flowers and the people were friendly. I smiled back and nodded as they passed us on the street. No one seemed afraid or curious about our unusual eyes. Maybe golden-eyed vampires were nothing new for this area. I took her hand into mine as we walked happily down the street. This was perfect. This was exactly what I needed. I felt like I was finally on top of the world. For so long it was death and depression. I had nothing to look forward too. I'm surprised I did not successfully kill myself or get killed.

I leaned in overwrought with joy and kissed her lips.

"You seem beaming today." She remarked patting our held hands as we continued to walk.

"I feel like I could burst into a billion pieces I am so happy." I admitted.

"I'm glad you feel that way because I do too. I'm just not so _obvious_ about it." She taunted.

"Ha,ha. I'm not a thousand years old either." I ribbed back. We both laughed.

"Yes well, I have always liked the babies like you, Edward. Fresh, new, completely lost."

"Oh, yes, the babies. Well, I'd rather be a baby _newborn_ than a decrepit, senior citizen." I poked.

We laughed together entering the store. We each tried clothes on and hoped for the approval of the other. She would shake her head no from time to time, but I liked my outfits. I kept a 'keep' pile and a 'not keeping' pile inside the changing booth. Even when she said no, I kept most of them regardless. I knew she had fashion sense, but sometimes you just had to be who you were and wear what you want. Everyone we knew would die eventually anyway so why would I care what _they_ thought. And in a few human years that style would be back.

I tried not to carry above and beyond what a male human could carry, but we had a lot of bags. The sales clerk questioned in her mind who we could possibly be and why we needed so many new clothes. I figured it was a good time to have a little fun. I poked Tanya in the ribs with my elbow and wiggled my eyebrows.

"Hi." I said to the clerk. "I'm Edward Cullen." I extended my cold hand forward and the clerk shook my hand without flinching. I saw her register the coldness in her thoughts, but she assumed we were import people and didn't want us to think she was rude.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Stacey. Are you new in town?" she asked already knowing the answer.

"Yes. My wife and I just came in last night and lost a few boxes along the way. Unfortunately they were our clothes. Stupid circus." I smirked.

"Circus?" she asked surprised.

"Yes, We were traveling with the circus for several years, weren't we darling?" Tanya did not seem amused, but quickly put on a fake smile.

"Yes, well. Edward's quite the clown." She said sarcastically. "He was fired for falling off the bull too many times." She whispered to the girl. Stacey looked at me up and down.

"Clown, right. With your height I bet that was challenging." She said smartly.

"Yes. That's exactly what I keep telling my beautiful wife, but she says it's my clumsy nature. Darn bull just wouldn't sit still." I grabbed the bags trying to keep a serious face. I was pleased that I could carry on a conversation with the girl without thinking about her luscious blood. As we turned to leave the store my eyes darted to her neck. I couldn't help but notice the blood gushing just underneath her thin, white skin. Venom oozed as I quickly followed Tanya out of the store. I took in a deep breath.

"I did it. I didn't eat the poor girl." I said relieved.

"Yes well, first of all, we never 'eat' humans. Second of all let's keep the clown story to ourselves." She smirked elbowing my left side.

"It may have saved her life. I was too distracted with the ridiculousness of the story to think about her blood."

"So your plan to communicate with the humans is through ridiculous stories, really?"

I shrugged my shoulders.

"I grew up bashful." I explained. It was true. But with Tanya I felt like a completely different person. I felt reckless and bold.

"Well, your going to have to practice every day until the semester begins so you aren't babbling through class with stupid stories. You'll get kicked out." She said menacingly.

Back home we put our clothes away and settled in for the night.

"Edward?" she whispered curling up on the couch beside me. I answered with a hum.

"You called me your wife at the store. Is that your way of proposing?"

Her head rested across my chest with her arms wrapped snuggly around me. I put my chin on the top of her head and pondered her question. The story was completely made up on the spot. I hadn't thought about her getting the wrong impression.

"I'm not sure if I'm ready to tie the knot yet, with anyone." I said hoping not to hurt her feelings.

"Anyone? Is there someone else?" she laughed.

I pulled her head back as far as it could comfortably go. She grinned knowing she was the only girl in my life. I stared into her eyes before nuzzling my nose with hers. I rested the side of my face against hers before turning every so slightly to connect our lips. She groaned pulling her arms out from around me and taking my neck. Before I knew it she was straddling me while rubbing her hands through my hair.

"Tanya." I breathed. Stopping her was impossible. I grabbed her legs and dashed up the stairs with her in my arms. As if we had not moved at all, her lips still attached to mine with her fingers massaging my scalp. I gently laid her across our bed placing one leg between hers. Holding most of my weight off of her, not that it mattered, I unbuttoned her blouse. She seemed to be in a trance, only focused on the two of us in that moment. She clawed at my back as I unfastened her bra. Her fingers worked faster than mine as she unbuttoned my shirt and pants.

I lay in the bed next to her under the soft cotton sheets. I think I was transported from here to heaven somehow in a matter of minutes and then landed softly back here in the bed with her. I couldn't imagine a better person to be with right now. She was everything to me, my all and all. I watched her contently next to me as she read her favorite book. She would look over and smile at me from time to time or blow an air kiss in my direction. Our cotton sheets were pulled up to my waist and stopped just above her breast. I rubbed my fingers over her collarbone, up her neck, and back down again. I had no idea bliss could feel so good.

**September:**

"You are so unbelievably beautiful." I whispered kissing her cheek.

"You better get dressed or you will be late for class." She smiled

I groaned as I slipped naked out from under the sheets. I had been enrolled at Dartmouth since spring and classes started two weeks ago. As much as I enjoyed going, it was hard to tear away from her. Once I did, I was all right.

I made it in the door before the professor began class. I slipped into my seat trying to maintain a human speed. It was hard sometimes, but I was getting better at it. The track coach had already invited me to join, but I declined. _Maybe next semester_, I had told him. The introductory classes for this semester were basic lecture courses. It was to weed out those who thought they wanted to be a doctor and now change their mind. The professors talked a lot about what was to come, more so than anything educational. I couldn't believe I had paid for that.

I had four classes all five days of the week. I found it easy to remember key terms. I aced all my exams and became more and more excited to work on the cadavers.

"Edward!" I recognized my classmates voice as he ran across the commons flailing his arm at me.

It was Charles Gnash from Tennessee, otherwise known as Chuck. He was one of the popular students, a sophomore and medical student.

"Hey, I wanted to invite you and Tanya to our party this weekend. It's at Jonathan's place, you know where that is, well, never mind, Tanya knows." He patted my back, "Ok, see you there." He smiled jogging backwards to catch up with another student.

I felt my anger rising. Tanya knew him? She knew where Jonathan's house was? Over the summer, Tanya and I hadn't left the house, _or bedroom_, that often, but we had time apart as well. We each needed our own space occasionally. She loved going into town as she did in Alaska, but here was so much more exciting. There were more shops, more people, and more things to do. We lived in a college town after all.

I raced home hoping she was still there. When I reached the front door I could here the silence. No thoughts to be found, no music, or her breathing. I occupied my mind cleaning around the house of dust and dirty, whether it existed or not. I straightened the same pillow on the couch at least a hundred times. The sun was setting and no reason for not to be home. Her classes were tomorrow, never on Thursday. I sat on the couch seething. I replayed Chuck's conversation in my mind as my lips moved along.

I heard her footsteps coming through the woods. She was thinking about the party already. Had I missed something before? I got tired of hearing everything all the time and could tune it out whenever I wanted. She walked through the front door with several bags.

"Hi sweetheart." But it cut into my heart like a knife. I felt betrayed and had no proof. She seemed artificial, _too_ glad to see me.

"Where've you been?" I asked scornfully. Her smile dropped as she realized I was angry.

"What happened? Why are you acting like this?" she placed the bags on the entry table and stood under the archway leading from the entrance into the living room. The light overhead shined down on her strawberry blonde hair. It looked like gold under the light. I checked for minor details that would give me a clue. Her red lipstick she loved to wear was half gone. A few strands of hair hung loosely out of place.

"Who have you been with?" I asked angrily. I could smell the cologne from across the room.

"Edward? I have no idea what's going on here. I was at the store shopping. Do you not see the bags?" she waved her arm in the general direction not taking her eyes from me. I was no fool. She was hiding something.

"I may not be a thousand years old, Tanya, but I know when someone is cheating on me."

"Cheating!" she shouted dashing right to me. Her face right in front of mine. "You must be loosing your mind, Edward. How dare you accuse me?"

I didn't even let her finish. "I smell the cologne. And how do you know Chuck and Jonathan?"

She stared at me briefly. I listened to her thoughts. She knew she couldn't hide them from me. I saw her with them. They were laughing and she was her usual flirtatious self. I didn't recognize the background, but it was all I needed to see.

"I'm leaving." I said sourly stomping up the wood steps. She was right behind me.

"I know them from school. I have class with both of them. We went out once, that was all, to study."

I laughed. "Right, study your anatomy?" I smirked. I grabbed a bag from the closest and began throwing some of my clothes into it.

"You are completely over reacting. Everyone knows I am yours. I want no one but you, Edward." She pleaded with me. She wrapped her arms around my waist but I pushed her away carrying the bag over my shoulder and down the stairs.

"Stop!" she shouted furious. "You can't just walk away every time something doesn't line up. Why would I lie to you? Why would I risk loosing the best thing in my life for some loser guy named Chuck?"

I had to admit he was pretty disgusting. I glanced over my shoulder to see her eyes. I waited, but her mind was empty. She thought of nothing but of the two of us. We had so many happy times in this first year. I couldn't believe it had almost been a full year since I saw her first. That first day her and her sisters lined up looking at me like fresh meat.

"I love you, Edward Cullen." She whispered from the stairs. I could see she was in pain. I was causing her pain and hated myself for it. I loved her too. I had grown to love this beautiful woman in such a short time. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I was overreacting.

I dropped my bag and rushed to her wrapping my long arms around her tightly.

"Just me?" I asked dubiously. She nodded kissing me again and again. She jumped onto my waist kissing me forcefully. Back upstairs we went into our bedroom. I resolved that I would check into this later and confirm my overreaction. She loved me; I knew she did. But for now, she took me once more quivering under her touch. I was but putty in her fingers.


	23. Vampires Never Change

Chapter 23: Vampires Never Change

We could hear the noise of the party several blocks away. Tanya was dressed in a short, tight fitted dress with matching jewelry she had hand made. The dress was light turquoise with shiny sequins creating a meticulous floral design across the front and one side. It was very unique and definitely expensive. She pulled her thick hair back with a black satin ribbon, partly exposing her long, pale neck. Her eyes popped from the color of the dress and her skin glowed. As always, she was breath taking. I could see her excitement as we approached.

We had both fed earlier that day to make sure tonight went well. I was used to a handful of humans in one room with me by now, but I had my moments that I had to dash from the classroom. It was easy to make an excuse, bad Chinese, or the fall flu. My pallid skin only helped convince them, allowing them to believe I was naturally a sickly person. Tanya on the other hand was vibrant, exotic to say the least. She lit up any room the moment of her entrance. I knew in advance she would be the life of the party. What I didn't see come was her hand slipping from mine just as we slipped in the front door.

The home was a mansion by my standards. The entrance floor was covered in shiny tiles resembling marble, but they were not. A large staircase winding upstairs with a balcony carved in solid wood. A large archway, with a few steps, lead down into the living room. I easily picked out several classmates in the crowd. They waved pretending to be excited to see me. I glanced at Tanya who seemed to already be the life of the party. A herd of young women surrounded her pulling her deeper into the party. Jonathan tapped my shoulder as I watched her disappear down the shallow steps and into the crowd.

"Hey Edward. Glad you made it." He smiled. I nodded swallowing the venom lingering on my tongue. I promised myself that I would behave, concerning several matters. Mainly it was just thirst and jealousy.

"Yeah, thanks for the invite." I said cordially. He was already waving at another guest and nudging his chin out to me as if to say goodbye. I wandered back into the other room following Tanya's scent. It was very loud between the music and random thoughts. After a while it was clear that the men were thinking of Tanya while the women were growing more jealous by the minute.

I watched from the other side of the room as her little crowd quickly changed from predominantly female to male. She flirted habitually. I listened to her conversation about their business class in the beginning. Gradually it switched to acting and singing to her most favorite play. I was content to be on the sidelines the first hour, but not to be forgotten. She never glanced in my direction or mentioned my name. She was slowly proving to me that I was not her all-in-all like she was too me. I had fallen into her trap, her seductive ways. I don't think she did it on purpose; it was just how she was. She was different with them. Her body language told them clearly that she wanted them and they loved every minute of it. My anger did not rise until I saw one of them glide his hand down her arm gently as he leaned in to ask her a question. I couldn't believe she had allowed that. He had no right to touch her. She sipped at her beer right along with them laughing and smiling.

I was so absorbed in watching her ludicrous behavior that I didn't notice a small girl come stand by me. She was so quiet, so petite. It wasn't until she spoke that I jumped from my infernal trance.

"She's one of a kind." She said smoothly. She held a beer in her hand unable to maintain her balance. I quickly took her arm before she would fall.

"Yes." I said not wanting to discuss it.

"She's like a model or something, dipped in honey. The men just buzz right over and want to dip their-"

I quickly jumped in, "I think you've had enough for one night, don't you think?" I nodded encouraging her to agree. I took her beer from her hand so quickly she never noticed. The small girl looked at my face and thought how gorgeous I was. I couldn't help but smile. I'm sure it was just a taste of how Tanya felt all the time. I glanced over at her furrowing my brow.

The small girl swayed next to me looking as pale as me. She rambled about something, but I wasn't interested.

"How are you getting home?" I asked glancing out at the line of vehicles in the front lawn. As popular as they had become, I had never rode in one yet. In fact, this party was the most vehicles I had seen in one location. I was intrigued and maybe a little adventurous in light of my current situation.

In the last few years the automobile industry had expanded. So much so that brick roads have been paved with asphalt. Trolley cars decommissioned. Young adults and rich college students have purchased vehicles as their form of transportation. Dartmouth students, among the richest in the nation, almost all have their own vehicle.

"I drove myself." She wobbled into the arms of a young man behind us. I smiled apologizing.

"Sorry, I've got her." I said glancing back at Tanya. She continued to ignore me and I wondered how things could have changed so much. I didn't understand.

"Let's go." I told the girl pulling her back towards the front door. "Tell me which one." She pointed to several with her arm extended and waving back and forth uncontrollably. I tried to steady her arm for her, but it seemed futile. They looked alike anyway.

"Let's just walk." I suggested holding onto her waist. As we passed the last row of cars she suddenly jerked from my arms and reached for the car on my left.

"This is it!" she squealed enthusiastically.

My human parents had been completely opposed to the new technology, especially the automobile. They said it was sinful to dirty God's earth. It wasn't unnatural. Since my change, I felt that I was doomed already and didn't mind doing things I would have never done when human. I slid in next to her waiting as she fumbled to find her keys. She vehemently opposed to me driving, but I wasn't going to have her blood on my hands, literally. I could survive the crash; she would not. She did smell nice, somewhere under the odor of beer. Her long, curly, brown hair hung down covering her face as she dug through her purse. I felt impatient wondering exactly what Tanya was doing inside.

"Please." I said restlessly holding my hand out praying for her keys to be found. Finally, with perfection, I slipped the key into the hole and we were heading away from the party. The girl guided me the best she could under the influence. For my first time in an automobile, I was not feeling very excited. I blamed Tanya for that completely and resigned to just get one for myself.

"So where do you live?" I asked presuming she could remember.

"Back that way." She pointed out the back window. I rolled my eyes looping the car back around. Almost immediately she was pointing to turn again. Finally we came to the last road.

"Let me know if you see your house." I humored.

"Not that one, not that one." She kept saying. _Oh for the love of all that's holy_, I thought.

"There!" she shouted pointing to a large brick home. The lights were off and the area was fairly dark. A row of homes identical in stature lined the street on both sides. It reminded me of the neighborhoods in Chicago, but more expensive.

I guided her down the sidewalk noticing that she was holding her stomach with both hands. My instinct told me something bad was coming. She tugged towards the bushes falling to her knees. I grabbed her hair quickly as she began to vomit. At this point, I felt my Good Samaritan was complete exasperated. I needed to just get her to the door and be done with this. I took her to the front door at an irritably slow human pace and helped her with her key.

"You ok from here?" I asked.

"Sure, sure. I'm all good." Her words lingering in a slur. Her mind spun with imagines of the party, the ride home, and me, but I had to break away because it made me dizzy as well to watch. She was too drunk and I felt responsible now.

With one quick swoop, I grabbed her up into my arms and took her up the stairs to the room that looked like a young college students. She was practically unconscious. I laid her gently on the plaid sheets of her bed and slid her shoes off. She curled on her side as I covered her with a blanket. Her hair hung over her face looking uncomfortable. I couldn't leave her that way. With one finger, I pushed the loose strands back past her ear. I watched her for a moment, as she appeared to be sleeping peacefully. An unexpected snort escaped her lungs as she began to snore. She smelled terrible, but had such an innocent, sweet face. I chuckled closing her bedroom door quietly behind me.

Lights flashed across the front entrance as I made my way down the stairs. Before anyone would even know, I was out the back door and down the street.

I raced back to the party hoping Tanya would be looking for me, or even missed my presence. I found her in the same spot, completely unaware of my absence. My rage escalated. I charged across the room determined to make a scene.

My muscles tensed as I reached her side taking her arm into my hand, "We need to talk." I snapped. The group of aroused young men cleared their throats and turned their heads awkwardly from us.

"Hi Edward. Where have you been?" she asked nonchalantly.

"Having sex, how about you?" I said loudly. The group dispersed without another word. Tanya looked at me angrily.

"What are you doing?" she whispered through grit teeth.

"Getting your attention." I provoked. "You left me at the front door hours ago. If you want to sleep with every guy in this place I suggest you move a little faster because there's a whole line waiting, and I'm off your list!" I yelled. The music died down in the background as the whole room quieted. She glanced around the room as my nostrils flared. I stared at her waiting for her to look back at me.

"Just go home." She whispered sorrowfully. I wasn't going without her. I grabbed her arm tightly and yanked her to the front door. No one said a word or tried to stop me. Once we hit the front door we both exploded into screaming.

When the front door closed, I gave up my fight and headed home. She was right on my heals the whole way back and I didn't care where or who she wanted to be with, especially me. Again I was packing and more furious than before.

"Go ahead, run away like you always do. You can't have me all to yourself every second of the day, Edward. I was just having a conversation. It's not like I'm sleeping around. And how about you? You took off with that girl. Did you sleep with her?" she yelled. I stopped packing and read her mind. She was visualizing me throughout the party, glancing out of the corner of her eye in my direction. She noticed when I had left, but it never alarmed her. She trusted me and understood I was only helping the girl. She knew me. She knew I would never…..

"That's right." She said pretentious. "I always know where you are, I just don't freak out if something isn't going perfectly right. I thought we were going to the party to talk to other people and have a good time. It's not like we aren't together here constantly. It was our chance to be around others, friends, classmates."

Maybe she was right. At least I could see her point. But why couldn't we still look like a couple at the party. Why hadn't she told me in advance her intentions? Did she not realize I would come undone?

"You abandoned me?" I admitted. She rushed to my side rubbing her hand against my face.

"No darling" she whispered staring into my eyes, "I would never abandon you. You're the love of my life. I would do anything for you. At the end of the day, every day, its you that I want to go home with, not them." But her words felt rehearsed, artificial.

I was utterly confused. She loved me, but at a public party she didn't act like she loved me. It was the first night we didn't make love. I decided to lie in bed anyway, just for the peace and quiet. With my arms crossed behind my head I stared up at the ceiling. She was downstairs working on her jewelry. I wasn't sure if this was the life for me anymore. I still had my dream of a woman who wanted to be with me all the time, not part of the time. I wanted to be with her regardless, because it was agonizing to be apart. I loved Tanya, but it wasn't that strong. I still felt like I was waiting for the perfect girl, my perfect match. Maybe I had rushed into this relationship. I knew she loved attention and that she lived to flirt. I guess I thought once she settled down with me that things would change. Tanya was a free spirit. I would either have to live with that fact or leave her. It was a hard decision that I hated to make. I didn't want to be alone again.

"You're so quiet tonight." She said softly at the door. The light from the hall outlined her thin, gorgeous body. She was the devil in an angel's body.

"Thinking." I said back quietly.

She lay on the bed next to me propped up on her side. She didn't touch or attempt to seduce me for once and I was thankful for that. There was a damp mood now lingering. Probably me just pouting.

"I'm sorry your so unhappy, Edward." She whispered. "I know I can be a handful. I'm just not sure how to change."

"I think it's too late for that." I admitted already predicting what was to come.


	24. Christmas Break

Chapter 24: Christmas Break

I suppose, like any other failing relationship, I stuck around for a while to prove I was right. I didn't want to leave, but I didn't want to face the unknown either. I did love her; it just didn't feel like it was enough anymore. I made it through the fall semester with all A's. We attended several frat parties, including the Halloween Ball on campus. It was the only time I actually felt like a couple with her while out of the house. We dressed as Samson and Delilah, _fitting_, but her first pick was Adam and Eve. There was no way I was showing up in fig leaves on my bum, so Samson it was. Most couples had selected something a little more romantic, like Romeo and Juliet. As much as I loved Shakespeare, Tanya hated it.

We went back to Alaska for Christmas. Irina and Kate had decorated the cabin beautifully. A large spruce tree stood by the fire covered in lights and antique ornaments. Carlisle had already left taking a job in Wisconsin. I hadn't expected that. I actually missed seeing him.

Kate had a telephone installed finally. Of course the telephone was nothing new. Until recently, it was a luxury item for the rich and the businessmen. The Denali's would definitely fall into that category, but had no use for it until now, now that they were separating. Tanya and I had passed some state workers putting in telephone poles alongside the road on our way here. Thanks to Tanya this trip was a lot faster no longer on foot. She purchased me a new vehicle before we left, a surprise Christmas present. I was glad I had found a one of a kind necklace at the local dealer. It nearly wiped out the bottom fridge drawer stash of cash.

She insisted that I pick the most expensive one on the lot, the 1919 Ford Sedan. I didn't really care about always have the best like her. She was just used to it. The Ford was basically a shiny black box with white tires. It had plenty of space in the back for luggage, perfect for traveling. Tanya had gone with me that day to 'assist'. Dealerships were popping up everywhere, right along with gas stations and auto shops. The dealers eyes widened when we handed over the full amount, $875, paid in full. I heard his jealous thoughts as we headed outside to take the car. _"Lucky bastard, beautiful woman and rich. And look at how young he is? Some guys have all the luck." _

The world was growing and I realized for the first time that I would be around long enough to watch it expand beyond my own expectations. This was only the beginning and for the first time I was glad to be a vampire so I could see what was to become of this fragile world. I had advantages that no human man would ever experience. Strength, knowledge, plenty of time, plenty of money, and true freedom. I had nothing to complain about, not even Tanya.

"Edward," Kate shouted calling my attention, "You can call Carlisle if you want? The numbers on the wall next to the phone."

I heard Tanya asking about the phone and Kate explaining that she needed a way to stay in touch with the people she loved. I glanced over catching her eyes. What she meant to say, and what I heard in her thoughts, was she missed her sister and blamed me for taking her away. But everyone knew better than that, I was no leader.

The phone rang a hundred times; at least it felt that way. I listened as the sisters caught up on the past months news. It was nice to see them all together again. Maybe Kate was right, I had taken her away. She fit so smoothly here in Alaska.

Finally I heard the click through the phone. Carlisle answered with a soft 'hello'.

"It's good to hear your voice." I said with a smile.

"Edward, son." His voice now cheerful. "Where have you been?" he inquired.

"Dartmouth, taking medical courses, like you." I said proudly.

I heard a gentle roar of relaxation and happiness. He was pleased to here I was doing something good with my second chance at life. On the other hand, that concern never completely left. It nagged at me until we were just about to hang up.

"Edward, before you go, please stop by on your way through. I would love to see the both of you." He said.

"I'll make sure to stop by, I promise." I confirmed.

"Also, are you and Tanya still doing….ok?" he was reluctant, but his voice told me everything.

"We're good." I sighed, "Thanks for asking."

I heard the girls laughing in the next room as Tanya told them about our Halloween costumes.

"Imagine how cute he would have looked as Adam, I mean really?" she said laughing. I rolled my eyes thankful for the hundredth time that I had not agreed to that.

"Like I said, I'll stop by on my way back through." I said flatly.

"Edward, I know you love Tanya. But I know her better than you. I know how she is. She's a good girl most of the time, but….I just don't want you hurt. My door is always open to you, no matter what." I watched Tanya as I listened through the phone. She was so different here in Alaska with her sisters.

We only had a week to visit. Like old times, we played in the snow building a snow vampire and hunting mountain lions. This time I convinced all the girls to do some ice climbing, which was interesting with a group of vampire girls. With fewer distractions, I had more time with Tanya than in New Hampshire. My favorite moments were nights by the fire just holding her close again. She seemed content to just be with me. When it was time to go, Irina and Kate begged her to stay. I waited in the car listening. I felt deep down that this was her place to be, with her sisters. But in the moment I was selfish and wanted her to myself, which didn't make sense. I didn't understand why I wasn't willing to let her go. Why I couldn't admit to myself and her that I just didn't love her enough to last forever.

We stopped to see Carlisle as I had promised on our way back through. When we arrived he rushed out the front door with relief in his eyes, as if I had come home to stay. We had just one day to visit and used it wisely. Carlisle took us by the hospital to show us his office and staff. He had a great setup as the night shift administrator. I couldn't help but think about my future as a doctor. _Could I really do this? Could I handle being around humans all day and their blood?_ I would know soon enough as the courses would deal more and more hands on.

I hated leaving him. He was all alone again and I felt responsible for that. Sometimes I felt like I just left disasters behind me everywhere I went.

We arrived back to New Hampshire just in time for the spring semester. I decided to add an extra class to my schedule. I think it was the first time Tanya showed any real concern about our relationship.

"Why the extra class?" she asked sitting in the chair across from me. I remembered once when she would have to be right next to me or in my lap.

"Why not?" I said flipping to the next page of my text. My eyes never left the black and white pages. She had chosen to show her affection to the entire male student body. There was no reason to pretend that we had something special anymore. A week in Alaska would not change things. I would not allow myself to be let down again. Why would I think that she would come back and we would live happily ever after? Just because I had forever didn't mean it was going to be 'happily'. When the time was right and she was through with me, we would separate. I knew that. I might still be seventeen, but I did understand that much. Without true genuine love, we didn't have a chance.

"Do you want to go do something this weekend? Maybe the dinner and the drive-in?" I glanced at her quickly to see her expression. She almost sounded sorrowful, pained. Her thoughts were of me still and our time in Alaska. She had enjoyed herself and wanted it to last.

"Sure, whatever you want." I said not allowing myself to get excited. _As soon as she goes to class and sees all the male students she'll blow me off anyway_, I thought.

We sat in silence each in our own chairs. I studied through the text feeling her eyes on me. I blocked her thoughts unable to take them right now. She wanted to reminisce, but I wasn't in the mood.

The week flew by. Before I knew it I was looking at the calendar next to the empty fridge. In a large red circle she had tomorrow marked 'Dinner and Movie'. All week she had gone out of her way to be nice to me. She didn't bother trying to be seductive, but we did make love a few times, nothing out of the unusual. I felt like an old couple that had settled into a boring routine. They stopped loving one another long ago but stayed for the children, even though they were grown with their own kids. Funny how life still revolved the same after becoming a mythical creature.

The next day I came home a little later than usual helping the professor with some research.

I assumed she would have made other plans by now, another weekend frat party. Last semester I tagged along half the time, but usually stayed home with my books and music instead. Tanya was on the couch, dressed for a party. Her hair and makeup perfect. She wore a short, expensive dress tight to her skin. All the lights were out; she just sat there all alone.

I closed the front door behind me and sat my textbooks on the stand by the door.

"What are you doing?" I asked shifting the keys in my hands and taking small strides into the dark living room.

"Waiting for you, silly. Did you forget already?" like that was possible. Besides being exceptionally fast, strong, and a mind reader, I was able to retain information indefinitely. _Dinner and Movie_.

"Your dressed for a party." I whispered stating the obvious. I faced the couch only a few feet from her. She was so beautiful, _breathtaking._ I hadn't looked at her like that for a long time. I shook my head refusing to be sucked back into her swirling vex.

"No. I'm dressed for you." She slipped off the couch so gracefully I'd thought maybe she had practiced it for a movie. She rubbed her hands down my chest looking me in the eye.

"I miss you, darling. I'm sorry I've been so distant. I don't know what got into me. Then in Alaska, it was like something happened inside me. It clicked. I was wondering if you could ever forgive me for the way I have behaved?" she continued to massage my back and sides.

She looked at me regretful. Her thoughts seemed to flow right along with her words. She was sincere from what I could tell. I don't know what happened to change her mind, but suddenly she wanted me like she used to. You would think I would be flattered, but it actually felt insulting. I was not her toy to pick up and play with when she desired. I wanted answers. I smiled not wanting to fight with her and thankful she wasn't the mind reader.

"_Please_," she said wrapping her arms tightly around me, pulling me in close to her. She kissed my neck up until she reached my lips. "Give me a chance to say I'm sorry." Her hands slipped into my hair as she gave me the best kiss I have ever had. I barely noticed the sound of my books hitting the floor behind me. Before I knew it we were wound up together on the couch our hands, arms, legs, everything mixed together. I tried to speak from time to time, but only single words would make their way out.

"Chance…..yes," I groaned feeling her skin once more to mine.

We lost an hour or two, I wasn't sure. She re-fixed her hair and dress before we headed out for dinner. The only thing on the menu that we could find was a couple of lonely deer. I was fine with that. Anything to quench the thirst. It was interesting to see her feed in such a tight fitted dress and high heels. She shimmied the lower half of the dress up to her thighs to avoid a tear. The moonlight hit the material casting a faint glow matching her skin. She was ghostlike.

After our 'dinner', we headed for the movie. She slid to the middle seat as we drove the ten miles across town to the drive-in. A mile from the gate, suddenly my tire blew. Tanya squealed out grabbing my arm unexpectantly. I laughed dragging the spare tire out of the back.

With her cute smile, she hung halfway out of the passenger window watching me change the white tire.

"Do you remember when we went cliff diving?" she smiled. "You were so bashful then." She giggled.

"That was thrilling. I could do that again." I said turning the large metal bolts.

"We should go do something crazy, something new." I could see her sifting through the options. Mountain climbing, bear hunting, white water rafting, skinny-dipping. She stopped on that one eyeing me again.

I just laughed shaking my head no.

"You never want to do anything. You just stick your nose in those books." She hissed.

"I would do plenty if I had someone to do it with." I snapped.

She groaned slipping back into the car. "You are impossible." She seethed.

"No, you're too busy flirty with the entire male student body to notice you have a _real_ vampire laying in your bed at home." I climbed back into the car slamming the door.

She growled irritated that the mood was changing. I didn't like it either, but that's what I had come to expect. I flipped on the radio tuning it into my favorite classical station.

"I want to drive." She said suddenly just as we approached the drive-in gates.

"But we're already here." I said pulling in to join the long line of cars.

"I have a better idea and I want to surprise you." I could see bits and pieces, but she was good at hiding her thoughts.

So I gave in switching seats with her. She drove to the main interest and headed south. I watched as the signs took us closer and closer to New York City.

"Where are you going now?" I asked pugnacious.

"If you have forever to live why don't you spend more of that time relaxing, Edward." She said hanging onto the steering wheel. The streetlights streaked by flashing into the cab.

I stared out my window, "With you Tanya, nothing is relaxing."


	25. City of Blood

Chapter 25: City of Blood

We traveled all night. Most of the roads were clear and smooth, but depending on the state, it could get rough sometimes. I assumed we were heading to New York City, but then Tanya slipped once telling me about the Broadway shows.

"Right now the big hit is _Sinbad_ with Al Jolson. He's the greatest entertainer on Broadway right now. He makes a killing as a performer. I wanted to see him a couple years ago, but Alaska is just too far away. Another great reason to stay on the east coast." She winked. "I read in the newspaper that it's still running, they just added a few new songs." She said enthusiastically.

Honestly, I had no idea she was so interested in the theater. She had mentioned them a few times, but she seemed really excited now as we traveled. We took turns driving because we both wanted to drive. It wasn't always so easy to get Tanya to compromise.

She snuggled in next to me running her fingers gently across my shoulders, my upper back, and hair. It felt nice to have her attention. We were getting closer and I was feeling excited too. The streets grew tighter and tighter the closer we got to the Big Apple. She would tap my shoulder and point in the far distance. I found myself driving slower, amazed by the size of the skyscrapers. From a distance they looked like they were right on top of one another. Giant, cylinder blocks stacked up to heaven.

We arrived the next afternoon. Then there it was, Broadway. It wasn't as exotic during the day, but still amazing. I found an empty spot to park and we walked the concrete streets with our golden eyes wide with wonder. It was a rainy day and I didn't know if she knew that in advance or just got lucky. The raindrops hit my face and felt cool to the touch. We were the only ones running around in the rain without an umbrella or jacket. People would stare as they walked by like we were crazy or alien. _If they only knew. _I didn't tell Tanya that deep in my gut I felt like a thousand fist were trying to punch their way out. As we passed through the crowds I pinched at the bridge of my nose as a severe headache was coming on. I could smell all those glorious humans all around me. They smelled delicious. I licked my lips a few times. Some smelled better than others. I took her hand squeezing it tightly. She only smiled, completely absorbed by the cities astonishing beauty. I didn't have the heart to tell her we better go. So I grit my teeth and held on to her with my dear life, or whatever you want to call it.

Tanya spotted the Winter Gardens and Al Jolson's theater right across the street.

"Tickets!" she said pointing across the street. The ticket booth now looked lonely with the rain coming down heavier. I dashed across the street with Tanya on my arm.

"Two tickets please." I said to the wide-eyed girl behind the glass booth. I slipped the cash out of my pocket, which was now wet, and through the tiny slit. She just stared at us half aware of our exchange.

"Thank you." She choked out slipping the tickets back through the same little slit. I smiled warmly hoping not to alarm the poor girl. I wasn't sure why she was so taken aback by us, either the lack of proper clothing or our golden eyes and pale skin, maybe a combination. Just as I turned my face from her I caught a glance of my reflection in the glass. I stopped and stared at the stranger. It couldn't be me. The young man staring back at me looked furious, murderous, and unkempt. My hair was scraggly from the rain shooting out in all directions. My eyes were wild with hunger. My lips were a bright reddish-purple. I looked mean, menacing, and prowler on the loose. How could Tanya not see the change in me and not be alarmed. Was she that obtuse not to notice? I allowed her to pull me from the glass reflection with the girl staring back at me frightened for her own life.

Tanya wiggled on my arm next to me in utter excitement.

"I can't believe we got tickets!" she exclaimed.

"Where to next?" I muttered still startled by my appearance. I followed Tanya hoping to get away from the staring girl behind the glass and somewhere less conspicuous.

We had several hours until show time, so we hit a few early shows that were cheap and lousy. When it was fully dark, we fell into the long line going into the theater. With the fresh rain and the abundance of humans still at arms length, my senses were so heightened that the venom now overtook my mouth. No longer did it slowly seep from my teeth. Instead, pools of venom oozed out as I gulped it down repeatedly. The fist still clamored away and my head became a little dizzy. I needed blood, and quick. I flinched and squinted my eyes.

"What's wrong, Edward?" Tanya asked finally alarmed. "No. Not now." She whined looking around us. In front was a young couple smiling and laughing, probably on a date. Behind us was a whole family including two teenagers. The girls fought as their parents tried to separate them, threatening to leave that instance. Meanwhile, pedestrians shuffled passed the line in a hurry to wherever they needed to go. Everyone dressed for the rain except us. I felt my body trembling under her grip.

"I have to go." I whispered with the rain running down my head, over my cheeks and onto my shirt. I was completely drenched, like Tanya. She had such a pathetic look in her eyes. Like I was destroying her entire life. I shook my head wiggling from her arms.

"I'll be back, promise. Just go and enjoy the show. Save me a seat, ok?" I said trembling.

She nodded reluctantly but understood. "Should I come with you?" she asked quickly, but I knew she didn't want to. For several reasons I was sure. I took off without answering. The family behind me was seconds from destruction, so I ran hard and fast north towards Central park. I heard the grunts and cries of men and woman and even a small child as I brushed pasted them with excessive speed. I startled them or just moved them forcefully out of my way. It was that or kill them.

I just needed some fresh air, a place I could breath. I tried to find an alley, but they were all full of homeless creatures lurking in the dark crevices. By the time I reached Central Park, which was literally a matter of minutes, I felt like a crazed animal loose from its cage. My insides rattled and shook. I slowed taking in a deep, long breath. I groaned from the relief, the lack of blood in the air was invigorating. Afraid to return too soon, I walked alone for a while happy to gain more control. I had just fed yesterday, but this was different. This was like walking into a chocolate factory and 'having' to have some candy regardless of how full I was. It was a nightmare for any vegetarian vampire, a whole city of blood.

The air felt thick trickling through my lungs, but oh so sweet. I was enjoying the moment until I heard voices again. Two men sitting in the bushes drank their liquor under their make shift cardboard huts. I groaned wishing for just a few more quiet moments. The city was annoying like that. My parents would have hated New York City. It was noisy, busy, and to their standards full of sin. Broadway was full of brothels, bars, burlesque, and minstrel theaters. Some called it Satan's circus and I could agree about now.

I felt the urge to get a look at them circling around without causing any noise. They complained about not having any more alcohol. As I came around I could see their throats clearly through the bushes. The blood gushed in heavy pumps through the veins. I could still smell their blood under their stench. I may have been past the newborn stage, but right now all I wanted was their blood.

I had been wrong this whole time. I would never be a doctor, not now, not ever. _Just another dream of mine to be buried._ But right now all I cared about was the two homeless men sitting in their cardboard boxes deep in the bushes of central park. Without another thought, I flew forward aiming for the stronger mans throat. The other one was too weak to respond fast enough. He would be next.

I came out of the bushes wiping my mouth of any loose drops of blood. I took a moment to gather some composer before heading to the show. I was a little ashamed to face Tanya. The tree limbs creaked and shifted from the wind. I was alone only briefly. I could hear the thoughts of three people headed my way. They were coming from the same direction I had just come. I stopped realizing they were not human. They were following my scent and discussing what I had just done. I didn't realize I had an audience.

Three dark figures slipped through the bushes as I turned to see their faces. They took me off guard by their superior expressions. Cloaked in black, was one young girl in the front, a young boy looking like her to her right, and a tall man on her other side. The tall one reminded me of Frankenstein with his freakishly evil appearance and stature. They all had bright red eyes. I felt vulnerable in their presence, as if I should flee immediately. She stared at me before glancing at the other two.

"Strange, isn't it." She said with a smirk. "Golden eyes and attacking humans." She seemed pleased that I could not refrain from killing an innocent human. "And here I thought Carlisle was the only one crazy enough to try that silly diet, but not this one." She laughed, "or at least _tried_." The three chuckled, but I didn't find her humorous at all.

"What's your name?" the young girl asked. She was straight faced and despondent. I felt bad for her immediately. She had to be a living terror.

"Edward, Edward Cullen." I said sourly.

"Cullen? You can't possibly be related to Carlisle?" she sneered.

"Yes. He's my father." I said curiously. I looked at them more closely wondering how they would know him. Then it dawned on me, the group of people he stayed with in Italy. I couldn't remember their names, but he disliked them. They were violent I remembered. I felt my muscles clench and my breath held. The girl I did remember, Jane, she had powers I did not want to mess with.

"Is Carlisle here in New York now?" she asked seeming friendlier, but my gut told me to be on my guard.

"No. I'm here on a visit." I said not wanting to mention Tanya. She would be devastated.

"Well, I bet Carlisle would be very disappointed to hear that his son has fallen off the wagon so to speak." She leaned forward in a whisper, "Happens to the best of us, everyday." She laughed. The boy next to her must have been her brother, they looked so much alike. The tall burly fellow was a bodyguard or something because of his size. I visualized my neck in his hands. I shook the thought away.

"Well, you should consider joining us for the evening. A friend of Carlisle's is a friend of ours. We are here on business, of course. You should come and watch." She said wanting to dazzle me with their powers.

"Actually I was just going to a show. But thank you for the offer, another time maybe." I said politely.

"A show? After watching you attack those two men I think it would be quite the show to see you in a theater with a room full of humans." She laughed, but she was right. "Well, then. Enjoy your _show_ Edward Cullen." And they disappeared just like they came.

I ran back to the theater and slid into the seat next to Tanya just as the curtains fell.

"Nice timing." She said sarcastically.

"Sorry." I said sheepishly walking back out of the theater amidst the heavy crowd.

She pointed to the one tiny spot of blood on my shirt. It was no bigger than a pinpoint, but she noticed. I just shrugged my shoulders feeling terrible.

"So was Al as funny as you expected?" I asked trying to avoid any questions.

"The music was wonderful and yes, he was hysterical. I wish you could have seen it. We have to come back another time and give it another try. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time." Tanya said. We continued to walk towards the car as she rambled about the show. I was barely listening because I had that same gut feeling to run away. I spotted the car a block away and noticed the fine detail of three figures leaning against it. They had tracked my scent apparently all over.

I could hear their thoughts as we came closer. I let Tanya continue to talk, waiting for the very last moment to warn her of our visitors. A half block away I stopped, holding my arm out in front of her. She immediately looked at the car knowing something was up. She looked at me in complete terror. I knew what she was thinking, they had come for her, but there was no reason for that. She had done nothing wrong, nor had I.

"It's too late." I whispered to her. They already saw us coming.

"What do they want?" she asked.

"I don't know, but is there ever a good reason for the Volturi to be hanging around, especially Jane?" I whispered.

If my heart dared to beat again, it would be pounding through my chest as we approached my car. I slipped my arm around Tanya hearing her fear and sensing it too. I held her tightly hoping we would survive this. She glanced at me twisting her fingers into mine as if it was the last chance to do so.

"I see you have a friend, Edward Cullen?" Jane said callously. She stared at our hands resting against Tanya's shoulder, fingers twisted together tightly, and then back to our faces with disgust.

"Hello Jane." I said smoothly. She seemed unimpressed that I knew her name.

"Tanya." She said coldly glaring at her comfortably beside me. Had it not been the Volturi killed her mother and brother years ago I believe Tanya would not feel so fearful of them now.

"Jane." She echoed in the same nonchalant voice.

"I caught your scent earlier when I ran into Edward in the park. Thought I would check up on the two of you, see what could have possibly drawn you into the city. Apparently Edward is quite truthful, you were at the show. I hope it was worth it considering all his suffering to be here." She dug at Tanya belittling her. Tanya squeezed my hand tighter.

"Yes, well, Edward is a gentleman. He will do anything for me." Tanya said softly. _Nice, girl's catfight in the middle of New York City. Nice way to end the evening._

I watched Jane's eyes follow several different humans as they scattered from the theaters.

"Felix, I'm getting a little hungry. How about we catch a snack before heading out." Again Jane smirked at our golden eyes before walking towards the alley behind us.

"Oh Edward, I do expect a visit sometime soon. Aro will want to meet the son of Carlisle. It's only polite. Hope your classes at Dartmouth go well, you know, considering your relapse and all." She smiled at us once more before disappearing into the night.


	26. Home Style Brunette

**Chapter 26: Home Style Brunette**

The drive home was somewhat quiet. Tanya had no interest in driving. She sat in the passenger seat staring out the window. Her thoughts replaying her past encounters with the Volturi. She was afraid and I couldn't blame her for that. I listened as she went through a number of reasons why they would be in the states and paying attention to us in particular. None of the reasons seemed plausible, but I said nothing.

Back home, Tanya went straight into her craft room. She turned the music up and started making her jewelry singing along.

"I don't understand why you are letting them get to you. We've done nothing wrong." I said slouched in the doorway.

"They hate our choices. They don't like us being different. I think they're waiting for us to make a mistake, like going into the city and exposing our secret." She shouted over the music with her back still facing me. I watched her momentarily as her desk lamp cast a faint glisten to the side of her face.

"Expose our secret, that's ludicrous." I chortled.

I decided to call Carlisle and tell him about our encounter in the city. Maybe he would have a suggestions or comforting word.

"I wasn't going to tell you," he said, "but considering what happened I guess I have no choice."

"What do you mean?"

"I never really told you the whole story about how you were changed." He said regretfully.

Carlisle told me how the Volturi had come looking for him. They wanted his services in Italy, something to do with blood transfusion. He declined, but worried that they would destroy him because he said no.

"I was leaving that day. I was heading to Alaska when I came across your scent. I followed it up to your house and found you and your parents. I can honestly say I felt like I had a human heart for just a little while when I saw your father lying in his bed. If that had been me." He said softly into the phone. "I knew if it had been my wife and son I would have wanted someone to try to save them. So I carried your mother first and then you."

"I remember that, kind of. I remember feeling like I was running or flying. That was you?" I asked.

"Yes, I was taking you back into town and hoping not to run into the Volturi. Your mother kept whispering your name over and over and then would wake briefly, begging me to save you. I just couldn't leave. It was like my heart was breaking into pieces. I felt the pain your father would have if he would have survived and I felt responsible for your family tragedy."

"So you stayed to save us, risking your own life. You should have told me." I said surprised.

"Well, I didn't change you for this reason, Edward, but it did work out somewhat nice. When we were traveling to Denali. I'm sure you remember following behind me as I led. Well, your scent I'm sure masked mine so they couldn't find me if they were looking. But honestly, I did not change you for that reason."

Tanya had wondered out of her cave, I mean craft room, and listened to our conversation.

"So what does that have to do with us?" I held the phone out slightly so she could hear too.

"If they are watching you, they may try to use you to get to me, especially since they have confirmed that you are indeed acting as my son. You and Tanya need to be careful. Stick together or consider coming here. No matter what, do not risk your own lives for me, do you understand?" he said firmly just like a father.

"I understand." But I was only echoing his words for his satisfaction. He had to know I would protect him in the end.

Tanya was relieved that it was not about her. I reminded her that we were still not out of the woods. We agreed to finish this semester and move on. I guess feeling the stress of the situation, she leaned into my chest, wrapping her arms tightly around me. I held her for awhile leaning against the kitchen wall. We were vulnerable and knew it.

It didn't take long for us to get back in the same routine. She was attending her frat parties and growing apart from me as I focused on my classes.

It was Monday on the sixth week of classes. Tanya was home completing another series of jewelry with no classes for the day. I, on the other hand, had a full schedule. My first three classes were complete and I was heading to my fourth when I accidentally bumped into a brunet crossing my path. Had I not had my nose in my book as I walked I would have seen her coming. Unfortunately, she too had her nose in her book. We collided slamming our books to the ground.

"I'm so sorry." I said grabbing both books.

"Oh, it's you." She said with a warm smile.

I immediately recognized the kind face. She was the drunk girl I had helped home from the party.

"Hi. How are you?" I asked glad to see her again.

"Oh you know, studying like crazy. I haven't gone to any other parties since. That was a really bad idea, I'm not a drinker." She smiled widely. "I'm Sarah Gellar by the way." She extended her soft hand out to mine.

"Edward Cullen." I said as my hand shook hers. She was so warm. She didn't even pay attention to my chilly temperature. "Can I walk you to class?" my eyes now froze to hers. She reminded me of Jenny so much. She was nice, smart, and friendly. She had a more home-style kind of personality, the opposite of Tanya. I loved her little snorts when she laughed and her sense of humor.

I walked her across campus talking and laughing like we were old friends. I enjoyed her company. I felt comfortable around her, like we were great friends. With Jenny I was too bashful to ever talk to her. With Tanya I was just along for the ride. But Sarah, I felt like I was home again, human.

She was a medical student too, but several years ahead. It reminded me that I would be unable to finish what I had started. This semester would be my last. After the trip into the city I was pushing my luck to be here now.

"We should get together and study." She said halfway through her classroom door. I nodded agreeing before backing away. Inside I could smell the faint whiff of blood. She didn't register that sweet smell in the slightest, _so lucky to be human_.

I dashed back across campus just in time for my next class. But I couldn't stop thinking about our walk, or her.


	27. Breaking the Couch

Chapter 27: Breaking the Couch

I came home already thinking about tomorrow. I wondered if I would run into the girl again and what wonderful thing she might have to say. As I reached for the front door I noticed a new scent. I stopped and listened. I could hear their voices inside as they spoke to Tanya. She seemed slightly nervous. I turned the door handle slowly and pried the front door from the old wooden frame. It creaked exposing me. I heard their conversation stop and the sound of them shifting to see the front entrance. I sighed wishing I could just come home to an empty house. I wasn't ready for this.

Slipping in quickly and putting my books on the same table I always did, I turned to face our guest warmly.

"Hello, Edward, nice to see you again. Hope you don't mind the intrusion? We just came by for a visit." He said with a smirk. He hated me and that was no guess. The feelings were mutual.

"Hello, Jonathan." I smiled nodding at the other strangers, _all males of course_. Tanya fidgeted in her chair knowing I was going to loose my temper.

"Edward, they came by because they wanted to know if they could have a party here. I said I thought it was a great idea." She beamed.

She didn't. She did not just agree to have a house full of drunken humans here in our house. Probably all males too. It was like she attracted them like bears to honey. I knew then that Tanya did in fact have her own power, power of seduction and persuasion.

"Whatever." I groaned heading up the stairs. I would never win that battle, so why try. I listened to them laugh and carry on for a while as I lay in our bed staring at the pale white ceiling. I was seething by the time she pushed them out the front door. They would stay forever staring at her long beautiful legs and long blonde hair. She was a goddess for sure, especially to the humans.

I listened as she came up the wooden stairs, her heels clicking on each step. I laid perfectly still as she came through the bedroom door and tried to curl up to my side. She skimmed her fingertips over my chest leaning in for a kiss. I rolled over pushing her from me.

"What's wrong with you party pooper." She protested.

"Tanya," I didn't have the willpower right now to fight with her. I crawled off the bed and headed out to hunt. She would get the picture; she was a smart girl.

I was seconds from my meal when my eye caught dark figures flash to my right. I turned quickly and saw nothing through the trees. I ran farther looking closely out the corner of my eye, again, dark figures like ghost moved from tree to tree right along with me. I stopped and waited, but heard and saw nothing more.

"What do you want?" I shouted. Not even the sound of breaking twigs could be heard. Just silence.

"Come on, don't be a scaredy cat. Bring it on!" I shouted again. I felt eyes on me as I examined every direction. Lifting my eyes up towards the trees I saw nothing but the sun hitting the leaves and limbs. A muffled hiss echoed as I looked back down. I stepped forward hearing the sound of my shoes break the fallen limbs and leaves. When I finally made it to the spot that I knew I had seen something, there was nothing there but trees. No longer feeling up to a hunt, I headed home never seeing them again.

I was restless at home now, as if waiting for my destruction. Stubborn Tanya must have stayed in her craft room all night because I never saw her out and about. By morning, I started to wonder why I hadn't seen or heard her. I checked her room, but it was empty. I called her name, but no response.

"Crap." I said aloud as my eyes scanned the living room and front door. I hadn't noticed anything out of place or any new scent. She had just disappeared. Not sure what to do, I paced the house checking outside and the nearby woods. I smelled nothing unusual. I did catch her scent down the front lawn, but assumed that was from before. With nothing to lose, I followed it down the street and towards the school. Suddenly, it took a sharp turn in front of a large frat house and led me up to the front door.

Outraged, I kicked the front door with my left foot. A few small humans scurried out of the front room fleeing my now sadistic figure in the doorframe.

"Tanya!" I shouted angrily. I could hear footsteps upstairs and in the back rooms. Finally she appeared at the top of the stairs.

"Get down here right now, woman!" I growled. She hissed marching down the stairs ready for a fight.

"I am not your slave girl, Edward. Don't you dare tell me what to do." She spat in my face. I grabbed her arm tightly and yanked her out the front door and down the sidewalk.

"Get off me." She growled with her eyes furrowed and teeth exposed.

I managed to get her home and on the living room couch without ripping any arms off. She growled and hissed the whole way, but she was home.

"I came home from hunting and you were gone. And of all places to find you, hanging around a frat house with a bunch of guys. Did you sleep with all of them yet?" I shouted. I saw her arm flex and stopped it just as she reached up to slap me. I pushed her chest knocking her back onto the couch. She then swung her leg out to trip me but I jumped up onto the couch with one foot on each side of her. She had been prepared for that and flung one leg up into my now forever hardened crotch. It didn't hurt one bit. I laughed as she screamed and wiggled from under me, kicking me onto the floor.

I had let her have her turn. She went to run up the stairs, but I tackled her breaking only a few things along the way. Pictures fell to the floor from the vibration of our bodies slamming onto the hard wood floors. She scratched at me hopelessly as I punched holes into the floor aiming for her face. She bit at my fingers and kicked at my legs as I attempted to hold her to the floor. She would get in a good punch or kick from time to time, but I had the advantage with my mind reading. Tanya pulled at my hair as my back arched over her at the foot of the stairs. With one smooth push I flew across the room making a large dent in the wall with the shape of my body. It was the knock at the door that stopped us from killing one another.

"Get the door." I snapped rolling to my feet.

"You get the door." She snapped back kicking me again in the gut.

"It's Carlisle." I said quickly brushing some of the chunks of wood and plaster from my hair. He stood with a smirk well aware of what was going on inside.

"Should I come back when there is a winner?" he laughed.

I glanced around outside hoping no one else had heard.

"What are you doing here?" I questioned looking back over my shoulder for Tanya. She was nowhere in sight. I pointed to the couch in the living room where this had begun. It was broken in half with the center on the floor. I pointed to her chair, the only thing remaining in tack thus far.

"Don't get too excited." He said making himself comfortable. "I was just worried about you two, because of the Volturi." He clarified. His eyes scanned the now destroyed room. Little dust particles floated around the room

I paced behind the couch with one fist resting against my lips.

"Edward, what's going on here? I thought you guys were doing so well."

"Oh this, this is nothing. We were just making out." I chuckled half-heartedly, but forgetting to add the fake smile.


	28. Humpty Got Dumptyed

Chapter 28: Humpty Got Dumptyed _(dumped)_

I think I needed Carlisle here more than I knew. I felt such relief I found myself constantly checking to make sure he was really here. He was kind though and would just smile when he spotted my head peeking around the corner.

I told him about the dark figures. We could only assume that it was the Volturi. He wanted us to leave and head to Denali, but Tanya and I refused.

"If you're not finishing at Dartmouth, why bother finishing the semester?" he asked.

"I don't know. I just want to finish something. Maybe I could change my major or come back later. I feel like I would be failing at one more thing if I just stopped."

"Edward, you have failed at nothing. You're stronger than you think." He encouraged, but I still felt like I could have done better.

He stayed a few weeks, but I never saw the Volturi again. We attended classes as usual. With Carlisle around, Tanya and I got along a lot better. I ran into Sarah several times and enjoyed walking her to class each day. It was the one thing I could look forward too.

I started to wonder why the Volturi had bothered to come around and not do anything. If they were still looking for Carlisle, why had they given up so easily?

The semester was flying by. It was already week 13. Sarah invited me to go out for the evening and I jumped at the chance. Tanya would be out anyway, so I waited for her to head to her party and slipped over to Sarah's to pick her up. We decided to go to the drive-in since a new movie was released, The Mark of Zorro, a first of its kind. Everyone on campus was talking about it. I was almost reluctant to go when she suggested it, but why should I be worried? Tanya is known for her flirtatious ways. I had no intentions to do anything with Sarah. I just enjoyed her company.

We pulled into the third row closest to the food stand on the right.

"Would you like something from the stand?" I asked, "Before the movie starts?"

"Sure, popcorn and a soda would be nice."

I recognized several people in line from campus, some from class, others from just passing in the halls. There were a lot of couples. The guys lined up getting the food while the girls waited in their cars. Human rituals were so predictable.

Jenny grabbed the box of snacks as I slid into the drivers seat once more. I turned the engine off and attached the small box to the ledge of my door. Jenny rambled about medical devices and procedures. I listened intently. _She will be a wonderful doctor some day_, I thought.

Music suddenly played through the small metal speaker alerting us that the movie was about to start. I had an eerie feeling that I was being watched again. Glancing around in the dark I saw nothing out of the ordinary. We watched the movie together peacefully and I knew this was exactly how I wanted to live my life. I wanted to feel comfortable with someone, to love them and enjoy their company.

I glanced over at Sarah who snacked on the popcorn obsessively, smiling widely at the screen in front of us. She was a lovely girl, but human. I would only be a friend to her.

As sudden as lightening striking in a storm, I got a flash of Tanya in the rearview mirror. It was a quick, sudden glance as I turned my head from Sarah back to the movie. The glare of her eyes was not mistakable. When I looked back, she was gone.

"Excuse me for a moment." I whispered to Sarah with a warm smile. I did not want to alarm her of the monster lurking outside my car.

Slipping around to the back I spotted her by the tree line just past the open field. She was furious. I took long strides unable to wipe the smirk off my face. _You get what you deserve_, I thought.

I didn't say a word as I stood before her. She was breathing heavily, pacing back and forth like a caged animal. Her hair bounced freely as she walked. She was dressed fairly plain for her style, jeans and a t-shirt. I don't think I have ever seen her in sneakers. I'm not sure I knew she owned a pair.

"Nice outfit." I said quickly. She hissed and growled on the verge of ripping my head off.

"Don't be jealous, honey. Sarah and I are just friends. Nothing more than what you do at your frat parties, oh, I'm sorry, less than what you do at your frat parties. I'm not flirty or leading her on, or sleeping with her." I grumbled.

Her hand flung around so quickly I honestly did not see it coming. The back of her hand slapped my left cheek at excessive force I actually fell back onto the ground.

"What the?" I said shaking my head.

"You no good for nothing. I took you in and loved you." I held my hand up stopping her.

"Like hell you did, you flirting whore. You love me about as much as a dog loves a pillow. Humpty Dumpty is tired." I stood back up, my face now inches from hers. She growled again knowing I was right.

"For your information, Edward, I haven't slept with any human since I left Alaska. I gave that all up for you. It's not my problem that you don't like to be social. Why don't you try living a little!" she shouted.

I glanced over my shoulder to make sure no one was listening. The field between us had been enough of a barrier that no one even knew we were out here.

"I'm done, Tanya. I can't take it anymore. When we were in Alaska, yes, you loved me like I was the last vampire on earth, but here, you love the college men. You can't get enough of them and their ogling eyes. I think you just need to admit that to yourself and let me go. I no longer agree to be your backup. Stay, have fun here, but I'm leaving. I'm finishing the semester and then I'm gone." I scolded.

She shook her head looking despondent. Her arms crisscrossed tightly over her stomach, "You can't leave me." She whispered. "I love you."

"Not enough." And I left her standing alone, just how I felt everyday living with her.


	29. Growing Some Balls

Chapter 29: Growing Some Balls

Back at the car, Sarah was unaware of my confrontation with Tanya. I almost felt guilty behaving so badly towards her, but I knew it was the right time.

"Everything ok?" she asked.

"Yes, everything's fine." I lied. It was so far from the truth. I had no idea how Tanya would respond, but I assumed she would be gone a lot, free to behave however she wanted. I sighed knowing good and well she did that already.

Sarah was a pleasure to be around. I started to consider what it would be like to be with her, whether I could date a human or not? I imagined her response when she found out what I really was. Even I could not imagine it coming out good.

I walked her up her sidewalk pausing a few steps from the front door. She turned with a smile.

"Thank you, Edward. I had a wonderful time. I hope we can do this again, soon." It may have been very generic, but it was still music to my ears. I leaned in a kissed her cheek. She blushed warmly and I jerked back noticing the blood rushing under her cheeks. She smelled even better when that happened.

"Good night, Sarah." I said as she closed the door behind her. I wasn't sure what I was doing, but considering everything else I have gone through since my change, this was nothing catastrophic.

Pulling into the driveway, I couldn't miss my pretend wife sitting on the front steps. She looked horrible. As I approached I noticed a little blood on her right shoulder. It was a small smear rather than splatter.

"I'm not fighting with you Tanya." I said annoyed.

"I just wanted to say that I am very sorry about everything. I know I have acted like a slut and I admit that I've done something that I shouldn't, but you have to believe me that you are the only man I love and want to be with."

"Tanya, I'm done. Don't waste your breath explaining or digging yourself back out of the hole you put yourself in. It's over." And I brushed past her noticing the scent on her clothes. It was not animal blood smeared across her blouse. I stopped briefly considering asking her about it, but decided I didn't really care anymore. I strolled into the house slamming the front door. _Today is the day that I grow balls_, I muffled to myself slumping into the couch with a book.

I didn't bother turning my head when Tanya rushed through the front door slamming it as well and disappearing into her craft room.

The next day was Friday, last day of classes this week. I looked for Sarah before my fourth class, but she was nowhere in sight. It was in my fourth class that I discovered why she wasn't on campus today. Dr. Meska came into the room looking gloom. His face was full of concern as he gently laid his briefcase on his large desk. The class was full as usual, all 100 students in attendance. The large auditorium became very still as we all waited impatiently for his obvious announcement.

"Students, I have a very sad announcement for you today. One of our very beloved students was found this morning in her home deceased." He glanced around the room at the shocked expressions. Everyone waited for him to give us the name. Those fist appeared again in my gut twisting and turning their way out. I thought about Sarah and dismissed it. I heard a student in the front row shout out, "_Who_?"

Dr. Meska was reluctant. I could hear him trying to decide when the name came to him. My hands clutched on the edge of the desk crumbing in my hands. The student next to me gasped. I grabbed my bag quickly and dashed out of the room at an inhuman pace. I didn't need to hear it. I rushed to Sarah's house only to find the sounds of her parents crying inside alone. Several police vehicles were parked outside.

"Can I help you son?" an officer asked as he passed me.

I shook my head speechless, listening to the other officers nearby. They were discussing animals that could have done this damage. My eyes squinted in anger as I raced home to find Tanya.

My reflection in the front door was sinister. I would kill her for this.

She sat coolly on her favorite chair knitting away with one leg crossed over the other. She hummed keeping her attention on the material.

"Why?" I said standing at the arch of the living room entrance.

"It was an accident, Edward. No more than what you did to those men in the park last weekend."

I couldn't believe she just sat there like it was nothing. She flashed me the memory of the night before. I could see everything from her angle across the street from Sarah's house. She had been watching us the whole time.

"And you call me a whore." She said callously.

I looked at the beautiful woman that I had spent the last year with. I had loved her and held her tenderly by my side. I saw the beautiful woman I had met in Alaska, but it was only in my memory. Here in New Hampshire, this woman was ruthless, callus, uncivilized. It broke my cold heart even more than before. I wanted to be outraged. I wanted to be angry and scream and cry. I wanted to _want_ to kill her, rip her head off, do something excessively violent. But it was tragic, everything, all of it, just too tragic.

I turned my back to her, retrieving my few belongs into a bag. I stood at the front door facing my feet, one hand on the doorknob. I paused to hear her final goodbyes. She no longer begged me to stay, nor did I want her to. It wouldn't have made a difference. I walked through the front door, down the concrete sidewalk, and left everything behind, even my car. I disappeared into the woods never to return to her or this place. My words had finally materialized. We were finished.


	30. It's Dark Behind the Trashcan

**Chapter 30: It's Dark Behind the Trashcan**

I was too ashamed to go to Carlisle. I spent the next two years wandering alone like a nomad. I hung around the cities feasting on the offenders, the abusers, and the other unwanted humans. It was so much easier to just give in to animalistic thirst that drove my kind insane. I couldn't find a reason to fight it anymore. I was slowly transforming into the monster I had fought against since the day of my new birth. For the first time, I lived as a true vampire. There was no pretending, no fitting in; I was without a doubt a creature from the depths of Hell. A real live mythical creature on the loose swallowing the lives of innocents.

I stole what I needed from my victims or broke into stores at night. I liked the bigger cities like Chicago, Seattle, San Antonio, Philadelphia, and Denver, just to mention a few. I traveled constantly and ran into many of my kind and more. I even came close to those overgrown wolves a few times up in the northwest. But I stayed alone, even when invited to join others. I was content to roam alone in misery. I had my memories of Denali, Dartmouth, and even Tanya. I thought about the good times and even found myself smiling occasionally. I would then condemn myself cursing in my head for my indiscretions.

Denver, Colorado 1924

I had wandered for so long I wasn't sure how long ago I had seen Carlisle or Tanya last. I spent several nights in Denver feeding. According to the paper, the crime rate was up, so I figured I could help the city out fairly undetected.

Then one night I had roamed into a men's restroom at the train station. I caught a glance of myself in the mirror. My hair was dirty and wild. My clothes tattered and torn. I was absolutely appalling. My eyes sunk in so deep and hallow the dull expression on my face was haunting.

I had reached a peculiar place emotionally. I didn't feel alive anymore, but a dead soul roaming the earth. My once golden eyes were now bright red encircled by bluish-black circles. _Hideous_, I thought.

For too long I had avoided facing my muddled errors. In traveling, small reminders had set me off; leaving me curled up in a ball somewhere. I could usually find a spot behind a garbage can, a bush in the woods, or a dirty bathroom stall. Anywhere no human didn't want to be. Seeing my pathetic self in the reflection, I just wanted to curl up and forget my thirst for a while.

"Cowards die many times before their deaths; the valiant never taste of death but once." I whispered with my knees in my chest. The dirty tiled floor smelled like human urine. Muffled voices outside slurred from the poison they consumed. My throat burned. They would have to do. I forced my legs to unfold and my arms to push my heavy body from the floor. Outside, a small carnival resumed. Two men, half aware of their desolate surrounding, held their alcohol tightly in their hands criticizing their women. They were easy targets. It was dark because the trees in front of them blocked the lights from the carnival. The bathrooms long since abandoned were dark and dirty. I had broken the chain that kept them locked. With their backs to me, completely unaware of my presence, I stepped forward from my protective cover.

"Edward." A voice whispered. The men continued talking unaware of the activity.

I stopped and scanned the trees to my left. There he stood, his face appearing in the space between the tree limbs. I couldn't believe my eyes.

_Carlisle?_ I thought.

The sight of him was like coming home. My knees buckled as my stomach turned. I gasped as if I was in pain and fell to my knees. I had been so selfishly miserable for so long I didn't realize I had tensed my muscles long before. Now, just seeing his face, I released the hold I had on my body and gave way to the sweet relief.

I hated being alone, not for that long. The voices all around me for so many months, _strangers_. I thought I had gone completely mad until I saw his warm face. I wanted the familiarity again. I wanted a home and a family, just as Carlisle desired. I could see that now. He rushed to my side placing one hand on my back as he raised my chin with the other. We both ignored the men who had heard the scuffling of our feet and staggered back towards the lights of the carnival.

"Edward_, son_, what's wrong?" he begged with concern in his voice.

_Son_. He called me son, even after all this time, after my atrocious decisions. He must not know what I've been doing, my thousands of unwarranted murders. I had killed innocents that he struggled to save.

I grabbed him by the shoulders and hugged him tightly hoping he could forgive me. Unable to shed a tear, my body trembled.

"Edward." He sighed. " I missed you, son." He said compassionately.

"I missed you too. I'm so sorry." My voice quivered.

"I'm just glad I found you. I've been looking for you for so long I almost gave up all hope." He said helping me to my feet. The voices of the men now faint as they disappeared to the other side of the tree line and their safety.

I wondered if I was hallucinating. _Was I dreaming?_ I thought. He noticed my red eyes, pallid skin, and dark circles. Once again I was seeing my reflection, but this time in his merciful eyes. _He looks terrible_, Carlisle inspected. _I should have never let him go_, he regretted. I shook my head already pleading before the words could come from my mouth. He was not to blame.

"No, Carlisle. I left with Tanya willingly. That was my decision. You couldn't have changed my mind." I shrugged. It was true. I had left Alaska on an adventure with a beautiful woman. Not even Carlisle could have predicted this.

We both knew the reason for my down spiral, Tanya. She had lured me in and I had allowed it. The fact was, sometimes we were really good together, but when things got rough, humans paid the price. Tanya was best in Denali. If I had liked it as well as her and her sisters, I knew I could have had a wonderful life with her there, but it wasn't my place. It just didn't feel right.

"You'll like Wisconsin, Edward." Carlisle was saying as we walked through the woods at a humans pace. "A great college, hospital, and community. I think you'll fit right in." he smiled.

"Maybe I should just consider high school for awhile. I am seventeen after all." I suggested. A flash of everything that happened in the last few years made me feel much older. I had gone through a lot as a new vampire.

Carlisle thought about it for a moment, "Sure. I think that would be a good idea." He agreed.

"I could use the vacation." I laughed knowing high school would be a breeze. Carlisle laughed along. My sanity was on its way back.

I had hope that one day I would find the woman of my dreams. She would fit into my arms perfectly and the world I knew would melt away. Just the dream of her mended my cold, broken heart. She would be my light, my beacon, _my savior_. I would not survive without her and our love would be undying. I didn't care if I had to wait an eternity for her; I knew she would come someday. When I found this woman, I would not let her go.

So I promised myself right then and there, for Jenny and Sarah, I would keep her safe and protect her as long as she wanted me. I would love her as long as she wanted me. And I would hold her until she took her last breath….forever.

Thank you for your review. I greatly appreciate everyone who takes the time to do so.


	31. Burning For Another Family Member

Chapter 31: Burning For Another Family Member

Carlisle was right, Wisconsin was heavenly compared to any home I had had since being changed. He had a nice home and a job on third shift. It was almost Christmas by the time I really felt comfortable to go out in public again. I had to learn his vegetarian ways again. I struggled with it more than ever before. Once I had allowed myself to be so monstrous, for so long, it was hard to reprogram.

He bought me a piano, a whole stack of novels, and a variety of music to keep me busy at night while he was away.

It was Christmas Eve and Carlisle was called into the hospital to check on a patient. I lit the fire in the living room and turned on the Christmas tree lights. Carlisle had left a candle burning in the window and I thought about how ironic it was. It symbolized welcoming in the weary travelers, but we were vampires. I chuckled at the thought of vampires welcoming in humans. _Only Carlisle_, I smiled. I was appreciating the time alone to self indulge. I laid on the new couch delivered last week, allowing my mind to wander.

Like all still moments, it seemed too long to be disturbed. The phone rang with a quick sharp shrill repeatedly pulverizing my tender ears. I leapt off the couch to stop the unpleasant sound. I wasn't expecting a call at this late hour. If I had been wise, I would have allowed it ring. Instead, I pulled the receiver to my ear and politely responded to the unknown caller,

"Hello." I said kindly.

"Edward? Is that you?" I heard her say skeptically. I couldn't believe my ears. Not only was it Tanya, it was the approachable, fun-loving, warm-hearted Tanya I had met so long ago in Denali, Alaska. Part of me wanted to rejoice, but I stared at the crackling fire a few feet from me. I suddenly felt flush and empty from the sound of her voice. My muscles tensed and my stone body became more rigid. I heard the plastic handle of the phone begin to crush from the pressure of my grip and I quickly relaxed my fingers.

"Yes, its me." I said dubiously. She giggled into the phone so excited to hear my voice. It was not what I expected. Maybe even as a vampire she suffered from multiple personalities?

"I know you must hate me, but I have to tell you. I miss you terribly. I really screwed everything up and just want to say how sorry I am about everything." She said with such conviction. She waited for my response, but I stood holding the phone to my ear feeling more and more unsettled.

"No, I don't hate you. I hate what you did. Carlisle's not here right now. Did you need to speak to him?" I asked unable to generate any enthusiasm in my voice. I just wanted to hang up and rewind the last five minutes. I wanted to be back on the couch, listening the Debussy while the fire blazed and the lights twinkled.

There was an awkward silence. I listened to the sounds in the background and visualized her sisters with her. I was glad to know that she was back in Alaska. She was better in Alaska than anywhere else.

It was then that I realized that everything that had happened between Tanya and I was more traumatic for me than I had known. I concluded that Tanya had no control over her ability to move on and forget her wrongdoings. She was capable of bouncing back. I, on the other hand, absorbed everything and took it to heart. I was living like a human, wearing my heart on my sleeve. Tanya had too many years experience. She was a cold stone vampire through and through. For so long I blamed her for her inability to be regretful, but it was not our nature as a vampire. The epiphany spontaneously lifted my spirits because I knew I had done the right thing. I knew for sure that we would never be together because even though we were both bloodsuckers by nature, we were also very different creatures inside. I felt free not even realizing I had allowed my time with her to loom over my head to this day.

Kate's voice took over as my final thoughts rested. I smiled hopelessly nodding to her words as if she could see me.

"Well?" she snapped.

"Oh, sorry Kate. What did you say?" I laughed.

"How's Carlisle?" she repeated with a low growl.

"Oh, he's fine. Working the night shift as always. Talks about some nurse all the time." And I immediately regretted saying the words aloud. I even knew Kate liked Carlisle.

"You know, just a friend." I tried to amend, but it was too late. I heard the phone click in my ear. Relationships were just as hard as vampires as they were human. I shrugged my shoulders and fell back onto the couch. I had several hours before I would have to tell Carlisle, so why not enjoy them.

It was true; Carlisle had started to talk about a nurse at the hospital a few weeks ago. I finally got tired of his innuendos and just asked him outright what his intentions were.

"She's human, Edward. I have no _intentions_." He said dumbfound.

"Well, you talk about her all the time, Carlisle. I just thought maybe-" I stopped, seeing his ghastly expression of shock and awe like I was accusing him of turning her into a creature of the night or something. "Never mind. Sorry I brought it up." I said sarcastically.

So my little comment brought us back around to school somehow. Apparently he thought I had too much time on my hands. He even suggested I get a job at the hospital working the third shift with him. I told him whatever made him happy and so he did.

Two weeks later I found myself holding a wood handled mop and scooting along a decrepit mop bucket wondering where I had gone wrong. On the positive side, I did get to meet this nurse he talked about. She was pretty and definitely Carlisle's type. _They would look cute together_, I imagined scooting the bucket a little farther. Unfortunately, she had a wedding ring on and a large stomach with a beating heart.

"Two weeks until your honey's home" I heard one say high-spirited. The beautiful nurse, Esme Evenson, seemed uneasy by the thought. She shuffled her charts in her arms and scurried down the corridor without a word. It didn't take me long to realize her true life at home when her 'honey' was there. I listened to her thoughts and memories of the man she once loved. I asked Carlisle about her husband that night. Carlisle said he was away at the war, but finishing his last mission. Carlisle secretly hoped that he would not return, so he knew the truth and was just as worried for her as she was for the baby.

The two weeks flew by. I watched the young nurse wobble down the corridors every night with concern on her face and mind. The baby was due any day and so was her abusive husband. Carlisle wouldn't talk about her at all. I couldn't believe he could work so close to someone he loved and see her married to some abusive slob and have a baby. Apparently the two had history. Esme had broken her leg when she was sixteen and Carlisle had been her attending doctor. Now, at age twenty-two the young nurse never questioned his unchanging features.

The last night I worked with Nurse Evenson, she was not her usual self. Her husband had arrived home that day and she should have been ecstatic or at least pretending. There was no life in the poor woman. She was pale and sickly. I noticed her caress her stomach several times as she knelt over the countertop for support. Her heart was racing and so was the baby's. The other nurses brought her water and begged her to go home, but she wouldn't and I knew why. Her husband was at home and here at least she was safe. Carlisle, who had vowed to keep his distance, could no longer keep that promise. He was by her side most of the shift constantly checking her vitals and begging her to lie down. I graciously mopped up her vomit mid shift and hoped she would reconsider Carlisle's offer. One of the nurses helped her into her car and we had no idea we would never see her again, alive that is.

Apparently she had her baby at home. Her husband refusing to bring her into the hospital, but no one knew for sure. The baby appeared to be healthy, but we couldn't know for sure, without proper examination. I snuck by their house one afternoon and just listened from the trees across the street. Nurse Evenson seemed fairly happy, cooing to the baby in her arms. The husband was angry about the new sounds and smells. The television blared in the living room while Esme and the baby stayed in the bedroom. She was completely unaware of his rage growing. I could hear him thinking jealously of the baby now taking all of her attention. She was not there to feed him, cook for him, run for his beers, and be his slave like before. I waited for him to reach that precise moment that he would attack, ready myself to rip his head off need be.

Then I felt a cold hand on my shoulder, Carlisle.

"Let's go." He said firmly.

"Why? Because you're here for the same reason I am." I countered.

"It's not our business, regardless." He said pulling my arm.

"You can't read his mind either. He's going to explode in about five minutes. Who do you think he's going to kill? The baby or the slave?" I raised one eyebrow hoping he would reconsider.

"You don't know that for sure. He could change his mind at any second. I will not interfere nor will you." And he pushed me from my comfortable footing to the ground.

I didn't want to go, but I felt I had no choice. I wanted to respect Carlisle and his wisdom, but I disagreed vehemently. At home I turned on the radio for a distraction imagining what the poor woman could be going through in that moment. Carlisle busied his mind reading a medical textbook, but far too often his mind wandered to Nurse Evenson just like me. As the evening approached, we both dressed for work and headed that way.

Everything was about to change and we had no warning sign. The hospital seemed eerie when I arrived, _cold and quiet_. We all watched as the ambulance backed up to the emergency doors and wheeled in the stretcher. On it was a long black bag zipped closed. They took the body down the corridor to the elevator. The nurses stood frigged at their station whispering and staring down the hall as they went. We were all curious, even Carlisle. It wasn't our department, so we all went back to work as the chatter continued.

I couldn't stop thinking about that black bag and the cold body inside it. Out of pure curiosity, I slipped down the emergency stairs and through the morgue doors. Because the hospital only kept one mortician on staff, he worked strictly days. The air was crisp inside the room, with one single black body bag on the table. I wondered what the dried, dead blood would look like. How the body would be hard as stone and almost resemble a vampire like me, but with no second chance.

I unzipped the long plastic bag and stared at the white, quietus body. I couldn't believe my eyes. I swiftly rushed back up the stairs to find Carlisle. He was on his rounds and at first refused to leave the sleeping patient. I gave him a glimpse of the nurse lying on the cold metal table a level below our feet. It was all he needed to rush down the flight of stairs to see for his self. I stopped at the last swinging door and watched as he caressed her long brown hair. It was so faint at first I had missed it. Then our eyes met and I knew it was not my imagination. I bolted to his side taking her other wrist to see for myself.

"She's not dead." He whispered still holding her chilled wrist in his hand. It was faint, but her heart still beat. 

I helped Carlisle pull her broken body out of the bag and onto the table. She was badly beaten, we both assumed. Knowing her abusive husband at home, we could only assume the child was dead as well. I looked at her cracked skull. Blood that had ran down the side of her disfigured and swollen face was now dry and flaking. She was barely recognizable, but I knew that face. Dark red and blue fingerprints around her neck were evidence of their struggle. I looked closer, noticing her left broken arm as the dense bone protruded the skin. Glancing down at her legs, now covered in mud and grass stain, appeared broken in multiple places. He had done more than beat her; he had thrown her off a building or a cliff. She had major damage internally and dying before our eyes. Carlisle continued to caress her blood, thickened hair. Dried up blood and skin under her fingertips was further evidence, but she wouldn't survive. Her body was badly broken with dried blood and scrapes all over her head to toe. But somehow Esme still lived deep down under the broken skin and bones. Covered in blood and dirt, somewhere in there her heart still beat.

"She won't make it." I told him. There wasn't much left of her. I glanced again down over her body and cringed at the sight of her cheekbone exposed as a chunk of skin now dangled from her face. Her clothes were torn and bloody. It just wasn't possible and he knew it.

Carlisle moved promptly and unexpected. He grabbed her body up off the table and disappeared through the shifting doors. I shook my head knowing exactly what was happening next. I slowly walked up the stairs and told the head nurse that Dr. Carlisle had become sick in the men's restroom and that he said he was going home for the night and she was in charge. I stayed, not wanted to be home to witness the changing of another human. I pushed the mop bucket down the hallway slowly mopping every inch. Sometimes it was excruciating to behave like a teenage boy. I longed to just be myself.

I poured the dirty mop water down the drain and hung the heavy mop to the nail on the wall. Grabbing my cardboard number I punched the time clock and took the long way home. I wanted Carlisle to have plenty of time to do his work. I remembered the burning sensation. It was like death a thousand times at once. Saying it was horrifyingly painful just didn't convey the true essence of horror one felt. I didn't want to watch that. Going through it was enough for me.

I quietly opened the front door as the sun peeked over the treetops. The birds perched in the trees chirped their hellos to the new morning. Outside, it was just another beautiful spring day. As peaceful as it was outside, it was horrifying inside. As I turned the brass knob of the front door I winced at the sound of the piercing scream of the young nurse. As uncomfortable as the sound of her burning was, I knew in the end it would save her life. Soon we would have another member of the family.


	32. When Strays Come Knocking: The Final CH

Chapter 32: When Strays Come Knocking: The Final Chapter

This chapter advances quickly through time so please watch as it FF or Fast Forwards in time periodically. Hope you enjoyed the story. I enjoyed writing it. Sorry for such a long wait for the final chapter, college & all . Anyway, please, please, please leave me a review. Thanks! Angela

Several days passed. Carlisle stayed by her side most of the time. I went to work in the evenings telling them how terribly sick he was at home. The nurses would bring in cards and home made soups for him, sending him their best get-well wishes. I smiled warmly thanking them for their generous gifts then on my way out would throw them into the main garbage disposal. I actually felt a little guilty doing so, but we had no need for anything so human.

Everyone was talking about Esme and how terrible it was that someone would take her dead body right out of the hospitals morgue. Rumors made their way through the hospital staff accusing her curious husband of the wrongful deed. Esme had done well hiding her abuse. Only a few of the other nurses were close enough to Esme to suspect something wrong at home.

FF:

By the end of the second month, Esme was past the initial change. As kind as she was, the burning, the uncontrollable desire for blood, and the thrill of the hunt was no different for her. Carlisle and I decided it was time to move on. Esme, a little bashful and not quite sure of everything yet, finally spoke with courage and insistence.

"Washington." She said sitting comfortably on the couch. Her legs were tucked up underneath her. She lifted her eyes from her magazine and smiled warmly at Carlisle and I standing in the doorway of the kitchen. We both turned at the same time eyeing her in surprise. So far she had been pretty quiet.

"Why?" Carlisle said.

"I've always wanted to go." She said like an innocent child.

He glanced at me trying to hold back his excitement. He knew Washington was the perfect place to go. It was cloudy and rainy year around. He had lived there before and even had a home.

"Forks, Washington it is then." He laughed. I could already see that they were becoming close in their own way. She hovered in his shadows waiting for his next move. Carlisle didn't mind, he loved her. She had told him once how she tried to commit suicide two days before someone found her broken body at the bottom of the cliffs. Carlisle, with his caring personality, held her in his arms close to his chest. He never pushed her for more answers. Apparently it was all she wanted him to know for the time being, because she just stopped talking and sat peacefully in his arms. I read her mind though and knew everything. I kept her secret out of respect. She would tell him soon enough, I could sense it.

For now, when I looked at her soft face I could see the pain she carried. But it was dimming slowly. Her human memories were fading and that was good. She didn't need to remember how she gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. Or how her husband would not allow her or the baby to go to the hospital for a checkup because he was so controlling. Her memories of her and the baby cuddled up together in her bed for their last and only two days of life were painful for me to see. Then, I watched as she discovered the child's birth defect in his lungs as he gasped for air in her arms. Her husband, the heartless coward he had become, refused to allow her to go to the hospital, but she fought him. Their struggle led to the fingerprints on her neck and the last breath of her only born son, as he lay alone and scared. I winced not wanting to see anymore. Esme, unable to take the guilt-ridden blame of her son's death climbed the cliffs and whispering her goodbyes and her apologies. I wanted to tell Carlisle, but I wouldn't. He loved her so much, even before all of this. He was a good man and she was a good woman. They deserved one another. She would never have the son she wanted. The only good thing in becoming a vampire was the memory loss after. All our mistakes, all our fears, and all our failed responsibilities are forgotten.

FF:

We arrived in Forks, Washington a week later. Esme busied herself with cleaning the new home. It was large and expensive compared to Carlisle's other homes. I was surprised Carlisle had such a beautiful home. It was tucked up in the woods, secluded from the small town. I loved the windows and open space. We could hunt on our own land without fear of hikers. It didn't take long for more changes though. Carlisle traveled to a seminar in New York and brought back a beautiful young girl with him. Humorously enough, he thought we would make a nice pair. I laughed leaving him to care for her. Esme was like a mother to me now. She took on that roll naturally as she became more independent and strong as a vampire. Rosalie Hale was quite the firecracker. We rubbed noses a few times, just like brother and sister. We were looking more and more like a family. Carlisle, with his fatherly wisdom, decided us kids should go to school. I had gone though this routine before, but Rose hated the idea. She fought him tooth and nail till the end, but it was Esme who put her foot down.

"You're going to school because it is what's best for all of us. You want to leave, then go. But in our house you follow our rules." She said sternly.

We all took a second glance. It was the first time Esme had really raised her voice and said anything matter of fact. And so school it was.

FF:

Time passed quickly. We were quite settled and happy until Rose came crashing through the front door with a huge guy in her arms. I could have choked at the sight of them. He was all mangled and bloody. Her panicked eyes revealed everything. She loved him. I don't know how since she didn't know him, or at least I thought. Carlisle saved his life as well and in time what was once one lonely vampire grew to a small family of five.

We attended school and Carlisle continued his work at the hospital. We each had our own interest. Rose and Emmett lived together upstairs as a couple, but appeared as girlfriend and boyfriend at school. I had to endure the constant criticism of the student body concerning my adoptive siblings and their unusual love affair.

Just when I thought my world was complete, there was a knock at the door. I heard them coming up the drive as I played my piano. I whispered Carlisle's name and he came down the crooked flight of stairs to answer the door.

Alice was cheery from the moment we first laid eyes on her. She grinned from ear to ear telling us her life story and how she was supposed to live here. Of course I was reading both their minds the entire time and she was telling us the truth. I ran my hand through my loose hair gesturing for Carlisle to meet me at the stairs. We watched as Esme and the others were just as glad to have more in the family.

"Look, I don't think this house can hold much more. I think we need to draw a line, Carlisle. After these two, no more strays." I gave him my most convincing, stern look and hoped for the best. We watched the rest of the family get to know one another.

"At least they have powers. Jasper is making everyone happy and she can see the future." I told him. Carlisle was never concerned about abilities, but some day he would. I couldn't believe I was surrounded by couples. _If any more strays come knocking, I'm out of here,_ I thought.

FF:

We all lived peacefully in Forks without too many incidents. One day we ran into the Quillute Indians while hunting. They were the local tribe at the nearby reservation. Although we promised them that we would never harm a human, we did eventually leave the area for several years. I was worse than the third wheel, I was the seventh. Everyone had their true love. I was content though, for the longest time. I didn't mind being alone and left to observe from the sidelines. We returned to Forks knowing everyone that was once there had passed. What we didn't realize was that our story and treaty had been passed down several generations. Our arrival was less than warm. We constantly ran into the wolves and were forced to draw boundary lines within the woods, a barrier to keep us off their land. That was fine with me. Their stink could stay on their side too.

Then just as sudden as the young nurses body being wheeled in, or Carlisle bring Rose home, or Rose rushing through the front door, or the quiet knock of Alice and Jasper, it happened again. Something miraculous, unexpected, uncontrollable happened, but this time to me.

The day started out as normal as could be. I went to school, and then everything in my life changed. Up was down, down was up. I felt a mess on the inside out. I felt my skin crawling and my dead heart pushing to get out. My hair stood on end and my throat burned like never before. My eyes refused to focus as I pulled at my tightening shirt. I sat in science class beside the most beautiful creature I had ever laid my eyes upon and I thought of nothing but how to kill her. I visualized her sweet, soft skin on my teeth. I visualized the warm blood oozing down my vampire throat. I was entrenched by the sweet fragrance as she sat so still by my side. It was like her body begged for me to take it, to drink from it. The bell rang and I ran, hard and fast. I didn't want to do it now, not here, not at school in front of all the innocent children. I shook my head as I rounded the last turn at the hospital. What was I thinking? I didn't want to do it at all. I didn't know for sure what was happening to me, but something strange deep down in me burned. Not a burn for thirst, but a burning desire to be with her again. I laughed aloud as I slid into Carlisle's car and hit the gas pedal. I could barely survive sitting next to her; I couldn't be with her again, ever. I was running away and never looking back.

I had finally found the love of my life, Isabella Swan, and I was running from her as fast as Carlisle's car would go. I knew I loved her because I ran.

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